Ever Wonder Why...?

Why we are here? How we got here? By we, I mean the entire population. Nine planets in the solar system, right? Only one is inhabited by human life forms? Is it arrogant to think we are the only ones floating around in the universe. Its just so crazy to sit back and really think about how it all began. Dinosaurs and the ice age. The beginning of time as mentioned in Genesis. All the people who have died before us. If we are lucky, all the people who will die after us. Do we each have our own purpose? Or are some of us, most of us, put here just to take up space? Its a huge puzzle and I don't have the brain capacity to solve. In my early twenties I threw caution to the wind. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, spent what I wanted, went where I wanted, dated who I wanted all when I wanted too. Now with the new adventure called the 30's riding in my backseat I am little more cautious. I think about my 20's and realize I made some very poor choices. I have no regrets but I do realize I was very careless. My fix for everything in life before was put on lipstick and smooth out my hair. Now its drink lots of water, lock your doors, loose a little weight, no red meat, evening cocktails and call your family more often. In the end everything you and I do will matter. How we treated ourselves, our families and people we don't even know. How many times we got a sunburn, what you were really thinking in church, your Madonna phase and if your parents are divorced. Everything affects everything. I have dreaded writing this blog because its all over the place and I knew it would show up - so here it is.

Things I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up

1. A doctor who drove a lamborghini
2. A lawyer who carried an alligator briefcase
3. A truck driver
4. Loretta Lynn
5. A stewardess - now known as a flight attendant
6. Sally Field in Smokey and the Bandit
7. Annie when she moved in with Daddy Warbucks
8. A teacher so I could let my students do nothing all day - today that makes no sense to me at all
9. A secretary that dealt with tons of paperwork - is exactly what I do and am today
10. A beauty pagent winner
11. Nikki Sixx's girlfriend
12. A "roadie"

End of the World?

I have discovered the date for the end of our world - it is December 21, 2012. The date has to do with the end of the Mayan long calendar. Alot of astronomy (stars) and astrology (numbers)is associated with the new end of time date. There are thousands and thousands of web links telling us to get ready, telling of prophecies that are coming true as I write this. Past end of time dates have never phased me but I think I might be sold on this one. Should this really be our date of destruction what should I do with my next 4 1/2 years? I will be 4 days shy of my 38th birthday on 12/21/2012 which means that right now my biological clock is ticking. Should I bring a child into this world when death will meet it in 4 years? Should I quit my job and join the peace corp? Climb Mt. Everest? Should I throw myself at the feet of Nikki Sixx and tell him of our impending doom and tell him the fate of the world lies between us? Should I complete my lists of things to do before I die now and save nothing for later? There is so much to do and so little time! Some of the links to the end of the world give lists of supplies: gas masks, water purification tablets, crank radios and so on. There is no mention of clean underwear, Spam and chapstick. There is mention of 112 popes to serve before doomsday - #111 is serving now. Coinicedence? Revelations tells of the world ending in feverent fire. Could global warming be the first of this prophecy? The weather patterns are crazy all over the world. Could this be a sign of the planets aligning? There are so many obscure things to read about and so many that are just dead on. The information is out there its just a matter of believing it. Its scary and overwhelming. Its true I could be hit by a bus today or have a safe fall on me tomorrow but at least I WOULDN'T be expecting it.

Our New Home

There have been many that were driven by, shown and called about. Then one day I kept hearing this noise, muffled but sounded like a grown man, like the tin man from the Wizard of Oz saying "Buy me, buy meeee". I finally figured out what it was - it was the house across the street. Right across the street! The house went on the market on a Friday. We called the realtor on a Saturday. Scheduled a showing for Sunday. Made an offer Monday & it was accepted. Hallejuiah! At that moment, that very single moment our lives changed forever. Its no secret we have been living together for 4 years as renters and never really thought buying a home together would happen. After everything was set into motion the house would wink at me when I drove by. It also offered good mornings, good nites and what's for dinner. It was comforting knowing that something wanted us as bad as we wanted it. The outside color is a very handsome khaki with white trim & black shutters. There are 3 sycamore trees in the front yard. The kitchen is red, bathroom, hallway, living room & entry way are yellow. Bedrooms are taupe and the dining room is khaki. There is an indoor laundry room and a wood deck on the back. The backyard is fenced and surrounded by trees. There is also a time-out kennel for the pups (it has not been used). Gracie (basset hound) was a little sad about moving because her boyfriend (a Boxer mix named Rico) lived behind us in the rental home. I reminded her that men are like buses - one comes along every 20 minutes. Gracie said I didn't undertand that it wasn't puppy love and I told her she would see in time. The other 3 dogs had no issues with moving. They were looking forward to some new scenery. With mountains of paperwork and the back breaking move behind us - we can now say "Welcome to our happy home!"

Breaker Breaker 1-9

Yesterday I was driving in my car and I heard a song on the radio "Convoy". The song is a little dated and so is the movie but both remind me so much of my dad. Dad is a big truck driver. Most people call them semi's or 18-wheelers but I call them big trucks. Always have, always will. So the song is playing and I am singing along "we gotta great big convoy rocking thru the night, yeah we gotta little ol' convoy ain't she a beautiful site - CONVOY". If I'd had a CB in my car I would have gotten on it - "Breaker Breaker 1-9 this hear is the Little Kidd - anyone got your ears on? Come on back". I say Little Kidd because my dad's handle is The Kidd and my mom was actually Lady Kidd. Pretty cool, huh? My dad has drove truck all his life. Its the only job he has ever had - learned it, lives it, loves it. He has driven to and around all lower 48 states. My mom and I went to California with him when I was small in a red and black Kentworth (KW) with a picture of Farrah Fawcett airbrushed on the back. Dad has lots of trucking buddies and some were around the house every now and then - "Chicken Plucker", "Baby Doll", "Windy", "The Lone Ranger", "Strawberry Roan", "Keystone", "Go Yonder". The truck drivers of today are not the ones I remember growing up around. Shorts, t-shirts, flip-flops, pony-tails and earrings are seen today. Not so when I was around my dad and his generation. It was boots, Wrangler jeans, button downs, trucker hats, the occasional cowboy hat and women truck drivers were almost non-existent. They all waived at each other, let everyone know if there were police (smokies, bears or the county mounty) ahead or behind them, flashed their headlights when it was okay to pass into the other lane. I still do the arm pump to get a big rig to blow its horn. What can I say? Somethings you never outgrow.

12 More Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

1. Own a Hermes Birkin bag
2. Be a parent & grandparent
3. Swing from a trapeze
4. Win a hot dog eating contest
5. Partake in the Polar Bear swim thing
6. Yell "Fire" in a very crowded room
7. Horseback ride on a gorgeous beach
8. Start an urban legend via chain email
9. Answer the phone at work in Pig Latin - "Ood-gay orning-May Udweiser-bay Usch-bay. Ow-Hay an-ca I-ay elp-hay ou-ya?"
10. Visit New York
11. Not look like a tourist when I visit New York
12. Be a better friend, neighbor, daughter, lover - person

Easy Come, Easy Go

Its Monday, again. I've never agreed with the 5/2 work week. My weekends seem to go so fast and the week never ends. Remember when you were a teenager and you couldn't wait to graduate high school, leave home, begin college and move into the real world? Then we enetered the real world and wished ever so greatly that we could return to our teenage lives. Lazy summers, lazy afternoons. My parents were rarely home in the afternoon so I spent alot of time by myself. Something I still enjoy now. Bills, a mortgage, insurance and complicated relationships is what my adult life has brought me. It wouldn't be fair to say that its all bad, because it isn't. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother. My relationship with my dad is a work in progress. My parents divorced when I was 22 or so. It was difficult to endure. My mother loved my dad very much and I think he loved her in his own way. But it had to end. They were no good together. Since, both have remarried. I love my mother's husband. I don't care for my dad's wife. She is a demon - the kind with large teeth & a pitchfork tail. I guess karma really is a bitch. Everything my dad has ever done to my mother is now being done to him. Can you ever right the people you wronged? I've been with my current boyfriend for 4.5 years and we live together. We have four-4 legged children and one finned child. The road in our relationship has been bumpy - oh who am I kidding? There was not even a road at some stops along the way but recently new pavement was lain and everything really is smooth now. Its how I always thought we'd be. Confucious says "As you think, so shall you be." I believe it.

The Human Footprint

I am not talking about the footprint taken from you as soon as you are born or the Hang Ten logo, I am talking about what it takes for us to survive our entire life on this planet. Imagine the pounds of trash we create, the amounts of energy and water that each person uses from the day they are born. I try to be as conscience as I can when using water, not littering or wasting food. But with all the Earth Day publicity lately and all the negative talk of using single use plastic water bottles I don't think I am doing very well. Go Green items are everywhere you look. I did purchase the new light bulbs that supposedly use a 1/4 of the wattage the average bulb does. I do turn off the water when I brush my teeth. I turn it on to wet my brush, turn it off, brush and then turn it back on to rinse. I save at least two gallons that way, right? I guess I should implement this exercise when showering - I bet I could save 15 gallons! Get in shower, turn water on & let water rush over me for 2 seconds & turn off, apply 2-1 shampoo & conditioner (saves time, water & only one bottle to dispose of), add soap to loofah, scrub entire body and don't rinse, will need soap to shave legs (legs and arms are getting stiff because soap is begining to dry), shave legs & armpits (soap is no longer soapy is a film and the shave does not go smoothly I might as well use a wire brush), by this time my eyes feel like someone is sticking a hot needle in them because the 2-1 shampoo & conditioner has ran into my eyes and finally rinse for 6 seconds. Seems simple enough, right? I buy stuff that says all "natural" - like juice, bleach, underwear & dog treats. The word "natural" triggers in me to be a more concerned consumer, a better inhabitant of this planet. Can one person really make a difference? If so, lets all shut off the water while brushing our teeth - we could save 5 billion gallons of water a day. I say use more alcohol for your day to day routine - brush your teeth with it, it doesn't come in plastic bottles - and afterall alcohol does evaporate.

12 Things I Would Like To Do Before I Die

1. Dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean
2. Pose fully clothed for Playboy
3. Admit my undying love for rock god - Nikki Sixx - via press conference shown around the world
4. Write a book
5. Accept the marriage proposal from Nikki Sixx after he sees the press conference
6. Learn to "snake" like Janet Jackson
7. Get a nose job
8. Parachute or parasail
9. Learn a foreign language
10. Climb a mountain
11. Be blonde for a day
12. Ballroom dance to "Another One Bites the Dust"

Vinnie Balboawitz

He walks with a slight strut. Wears a slightly thick gold rope chain. His belt is cinched too tight making his pants "high waters" and buttons his shirt to the very top of his Adam's apple. His glasses are held together by tape. His hair is black and combed directly back. He speaks with a low and grainy New York accent that reminds me of how asphalt would sound if it could talk. He never makes direct contact and speaks with his head cocked to the side. Hasn't seen a new movie since 1984. Has a wide open smile that says I am going to eat you with my spaghetti one day. Now, he may sound a bit weird but he really does have a heart of gold and probably in truth wouldn't hurt a fly and somehow along the way he has found a friend in me. He reminds me of Vinnie Barbarino and Rocky Balboa sans the girl getting charm with a just a bit of David Berkowitz lurking below his very Italian surface. He has dubbed me the Queen and tells me daily that all I need is a crown and purple robe. He also tells me I remind of him of a magnolia (add his accent) "You little magnolia with eyes that light up the world". My birthday just happens to be Christmas day and with that thought fresh on his mind he told me (insert his accent ) "You Christmas angel, I can just see you in a garland of lights with Christmas trees all around you". Of course I remind him that while magnolias are pleasant to look at they are quite a messy tree and that Christmas only lasts one day. All the while correcting him that I am no angel or any type of tree and that green isn't exactly my color - I can only imagine what he is really thinking about me which would probably be something like "You just wait you little magnolia, I have a crown of diamonds for your head and a nice box to accomodate them both....". Is that wrong?

Owning the "New Milli"

I've been a victim. A survivor. Now, the time has come to own it and by IT I mean the "New Milli". So far it has brought me heartache, a marriage, a divorce, an empty wallet, 4 new dogs, an old job, new friends, reunions with old friends and a new sense of what I can really endure. By enduring I mean living through the divorce and the seperation of my mother and I across 3 states. Whoever said whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger should be dug up and given five across their face. Sometimes I don't want to be strong. Sometimes I need to be weak, its keep me grounded. Example, if there is a piece of strawberry slathered cheesecake beckoning my name I do not need to exude strength to not it eat. Why I need to eat to it to gain strength. See how that works? You have to be weak to be strong again. The "New Milli" has brought me a new me and found some of the old me. I am sad to say this century has not brought any unique dance moves or any crazy coiffures. There are still two years left in this first decade - maybe something will come along. Today in this year I feel free, happy and in love and I think that puts me well on my way to owning the "New Milli".

Survivor of the 90's

As some of you know or have recently read I am a fan of the 80's. Here is a shocker, I am also fond of the 90's. The 90's didn't nearly impact my love for bad music, bad hair & movies like the 80's did but it does hold a spot dear to my heart. One day I am wearing hot pink and purple and the next day I am sporting plaid. Extremely large hair kept in place by one can of Suave hair spray per day then a sassy little red number fashioned after Bridget Fonda's "do" in Single White Female. Talk about your apples and oranges. The 90's hold many good memories for me. I got my first real kiss in 1990 (yes, I was older than the avg. first real kiss age - but I also didn't get boobs until the 90's either). I got my first boyfriend, graduated high school and college, moved away from home, experienced my first alcohol buzz, got my first Liz Claiborne purse with matching wallet which rocketed into my unknown love at that moment for handbags. There were also some sad moments as well - my parents divorced, 3 of my 11 grandparents died, I found out Uncle Sam wasn't a fun loving family member and "big hair" bands slowly faded away. Those two decades and an entire century behind us pushes us well into the "new milli". I can't wait to see what type of hair I end up with in the 00's.

Victim of the 80's

A dear friend emailed me a portion of another's blog. In the blog was this trigger: Tell me one random memory that you've found popping into your head lately. You don't have to know why you're remembering it, just share it.

Here's mine:

80's music. 80's clothing. 80's hair. For years I have avoided being defined as a victim of the 80's. The music was so cheesey but when I see a commercial for a 100 CD set of the songs of the 80's I am mesmerized. Don't You Forget About Me, Jump, Here I Go Again, Faithfully - any of those ring a bell? Neon headbands, jellies, fish net off the shoulder shirts, pumps & frilly socks? Tease it to Jesus hair or the mullet! The moonwalk - need I say more? And my new favorite local band is the Molly Ringwald's. They are just as cheesey as the real bands they pretend to be. I can't help it - I have an addiction and admitting is the first step. Hello, my name is Kim and I love the 80's!

Silver Linings

I guess there is one in every cloud. My two previous blogs were about an unhappy co-worker. I guess this co-worker was so upset that they threatened to turn in their notice. This info was given to me through the grapevine of course. So, now my in-office hours have changed & and I have some new responisibilities. The latter is no problem, but the change in office hours - well I am still fuming about that. But like all things - this too shall pass or come out in the wash. The bottom line is I need a job, they need a job and when we wake up in the morning we can make the choice to enjoy the day or let it get the best of us. The unhappy co-worker is happy and content for the moment. There are good mornings, good evenings and mini coversations between the two of us. I even ask open ended questions knowing good and well how they will end - if they ever end (long talker). So my silver lining is no more slammed doors, no more tip-toeing over eggshells. All is well with the world once again.

Can't We All Just Get Along

Day two of the unhappy co-worker saga. I have extended the olive branch and it was not well received. It was actually broken across the knee, tossed into a garbage can and lit on fire. The tension here is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I am not the only one in the office who has noticed. I have been researching blogs & articles looking for ways to relieve this less than desirable situation. Several articles said to let it go. Some said to take the high road and kill them with kindess. Others said to approach neutrally. I think the olive branch was neutral. Once again, the gun is pointed at me and I was only doing what I was instructed to do. Work is not a death sentence, we choose to be here.

Its What We Do

Something I have become very aware of lately is the world keeps spinning no matter what is going on in your life. It doesn't come to a screeching halt because your life appears to be falling apart. But shouldn't it? At the least the worlds of the people who know you? Lets say for instance I can't make it to work. I would like to think my role and position at my job is so important that not one case of beer would leave the warehouse. But the truth is should I not show up for work, Budweiser will still be sold and people will still have the opportunity to get drunk. The past two weeks of my life have been drowned with sickness & hospital stays. My dad, my grandmother, my grandfather, my mother's dog, my dog have all been saturated with illness. Family has flown in from the east and very far west coast. Another sad fact is that it takes a traumatic course for all of our family to come together in one place. I guess, its what we do.

In My Head

This blogging stuff is more involved than I thought. I blog from work because I have no home computer. That's right - I am the only single, 32 year old gal in the USA who has no home PC. Who starts a blog with no personal computer (raises hand)? I write the most perfect blogs at home, during the midnight hour, in my bed, in my head. I tell you my mind is like a well oiled machine. I have the most amazing, informative and mesmerizing way with words, in my head of course. When I open my mouth or move my fingers my words run together, make no sense and often I forget what I was going to say. I have asked for many raises, confronted my ex-husband, confronted co-workers, said goodbyes I've never gotten to say, told the employees at Wal-mart how I really feel and introduced many, many rock stars in my head. The words come so fluid. Its like a river that just flows and flows. Why can't those words ease from my mouth? I guess I wasn't meant to have the gift of gab. Oh well, we can't have it all.

My Boogie Shoes

Yeah, I wish I really had a pair of boogie shoes. My boogie shoes would be a hot pink pair of rhinestone & sequin classic Converse. I don't really know what I would do with them if I had a pair. I am quite white (which says alot about my shoe choice). Have you ever danced in front of a mirror? I've tried. I try harder after a cocktail or two. After the 4th cocktail I really think I have the moves. Does it really matter that one can't dance? Isn't it just about having fun? Moving to the beat of the music, the rythm of the words? Remember the "Giddy-up", the "Roger Rabbit" or the entire routine to Beat It? I guess watching someone who can't dance is the equivalent to listening to someone who can't sing karaoke style. I would be both!

All that blabbing....

For nothing. My "monthly friend" arrived yesterday evening. After many delays and circling the runway for two weeks it has arrived with such vengeance. But its cool. Its part of being a chick. Occasionally in my younger and more OH MY GOSH, IF I AM PREGNANT MY PARENTS WILL KILL ME! days I would have been sweating more than bullets. But now, there is no longer the sweating of bullets but more of Oh wow, this could be it. I could be a mother. Its no secret I do not like kids. I can only assume I would love my own, maybe even like them. I wonder sometimes what type of mother would I be. I tell myself I would be a disciplining, caring, loving, understanding, putting myself in their shoes type. Not the soccer mom, honor roll bumper sticker having, losing my own indentity type. But I know how I am with my dogs. One dog eats toliet paper, eats her own bed, picture frames, even stands in the middle of the coffee table. I do not scold her because by the time I find the situation, it has passed. She knows she has done wrong and I just let it go. Another one sleeps in the bathtub - and I allow it. Maybe I will be this forgiving with my own children. Some people say "Children and dogs are not the same." To them, they are not. I don't have children, so therefore I say they are. My dogs are my children today.

20th Day, 7th Blog

I am officially 15 days late for my "monthly friend". I have not taken a pregnancy test, I have not been to the doctor. While I should be a little worried or maybe even afraid that I may be pregnant I am not. My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't seem to be concerned either. I told him yesterday that I was 14 days late - and he gave the little arm pump - you know the one I am talking about - back in the day of Aresnio Hall. I am a childless wonder in this world. I keep telling myself that I have my "start" date wrong and that I am actually on mark. I am not afraid to be with child but I am not prepared. We are not married for one thing. We have no plans to be married for two. My mother knows of my own desire to be a mother while not being married. Of course, she does not approve. She says the child will be illegitimate and have no name. Maybe she has a point. Here's my point - what if I got married before the child was born and filed for a divorce the day after? What good was really done? Was the world really saved or made a better place because I was married when he or she came into the world? I stand by my choice of not wanting to be married if I were pregnant. I'll guess we'll have to wait and see who is right - my mother or me.