Monday, October 28, 2013

Co-Parenting 101 or How Did I Get Here From There

I am a childless wonder navigating in a wonderful, um uh, mind numbing, wait a ahh, amazingly child filled world.  Somedays I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming when I am dealing with any of the 3 children that I share a home with every 7 days or 2 weeks a month or 26 weeks a year.  Why do I pinch and not slit my wrists?  Because blood is messy.  If I slit my wrists & took a moment to reflect, my OCD would go full throttle resulting in me cleaning myself, the house, pouring over Pinterest searching for the most ideal holiday mantle & then using the unfortunate event as an excuse to have a vodka cocktail.  Ok, ok, I don't really need an excuse to have a vodka cocktail.  Or to look at Pinterest.

Children aren't my favorite people.  Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like children.  So, how did I get here?  Talent?  Fate maybe?  I wasn't a bad child so I know it can't be punishment for any torment I caused my parents. 

I never really wanted children.  I had blips of a small family of my own in my 20's  & maybe even a time or two while I've been in my 30's but those spots on the radar screen would go away as soon as they arrived. Maybe because I had felt so saddled by my Cabbage Patch Kids. 

So here I, bonus mom'ing, master of mac 'n cheese & popcorn chicken, answering questions like "how do you make stars" & so many loads of laundry I've lost count.  Its definitely not for the squeamish because kids are nasty little creatures that somehow gain control of that little dark part of your heart you never want to give up.

Pinch me....

Monday, October 7, 2013


Do the right thing girls & pay as much attention to your boobs as the guys do!

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