What I Like About Texas

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Alright, alright you got me. I'm a poor liar but kiss me anyway and remember drunk is the new sober. Cheers!

Is It Wrong? (one more but not in the same way)

I have kicked & clawed at blogs I don't get - mommy, parenting, political, weight loss but there is one...just one that moves me to no end. Makes me cry, makes me smile, makes me want to be a better person and not take everything so seriously and that type of blog is right there and right over here.

Maybe I'm not so cynical and bitter after all.

Not Really Free Things

Sometimes I think happiness is overrated but generally it is because I can't find it. We need happiness in our lives like we need oxygen or at least I tell myself that. So I thought of a few things to be happy about that normally you may not think about finding happiness in. Some free, some not so much.

Kidnapping your lover.
The art of knowing what to overlook.
Basically happy people.
Handwritten letters.
Happy hour.
A fashion career in New York.
Morning kisses.
Oysters on the half shell shucked by Larry Newton.
Cardigans.
Fat Christmas trees.
Wallowing.
Pea coats.
Basset Hounds.

And for you less than super smart people here is the definition for happiness - good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

Happy Birthday...

To my most favorite person in the world. I love you.

Pandora's Box

Around the 7th grade I had an English teacher who was also a Baptist pastor, my best friend's dad, his name was Bro. Ward. Our small private school had never seen anything like him. He used super long important words and was Cuban. He even wore Havana shirts.

The reason for thinking of him this morning started like this:

I was in the shower and thinking of swearing, "I swear I didn't spend $2169.32 for a new handbag" which made me think of another teacher, Ms. Emmons who if you were to swear in her class she would make you write lines - I will not swear in the classroom.

Just so happened Bro. Ward was also fond of writing lines for any type of injustice served in his classroom. On his desk he had a green box appropriately named Pandora's Box. The box contained pieces of paper numbered 0-1000 in an incremental fashion. If you were caught chewing gum by Bro. Ward you would be instructed to pull a number from the box and that was the amount of lines you would have to write. Not typical sentences either such as I will not chew gum but something more like I was found chewing gum in a classroom setting. Not only is chewing gum against the rules but it also advocates tooth decay and causes my mouth to contort in an ill fitting manner. Because I want to be a superior student and abide with school rules I will no longer masticate gum in the classroom.

All I can say is it took one time for me and I never chewed anything in front of Bro. Ward again.

Oh wow...

I had the most totally absurd teen crush on him.

Rest in peace.

And The Award Goes To...

HD Tv - for making all of those celebrities who we thought were so perfect not look so perfect. Thank you HD Tv for making Cameron Diaz look a little puffy. Thank you HD Tv for showing Monique and Gabby Sidibe's stretch marks.

Demi Moore - for finding the fountain of youth - Ashton Kutcher.

Jennifer Lopez - for the most perfect lipstick that compliments and has no color at all.

Kristen Stewart - for cleaning up. You were fidgety and had an awkward hunchy pose but the fact you were not in flannel and your hair was washed made it less noticable.

The red carpet hostess that called Helen Miren & Christopher Plummer old. Wow. In the south we wouldn't call that tact.

George Clooney - for appearing pissed most of the evening.

The Brat Pack & Macaulay Caulkin - For honoring John Hughes for making you all famous and for showing your faces in public even though you've had no "work" done.

James Taylor - for always sounding clear as a bell.

Congratulations to all of the winners and better luck next year to all the losers.

Get Bent

What is the deal with "fuck you"? Arguments end with this two words, sometimes they begin with them. What I don't get is men and women spend a better part of their days trying to have sex, so why do we tell someone to "get fucked" when they were probably already working toward the act anyway? Or how about that car salesmen "fucked me over"? Who doesn't want to get fucked over and often? How can you take a pleasurable thing and then offer it in a mean way?

If you are arguing don't you want to wish a misfortune like "fat you" or "get broke"?

Warm Puppies

Today I was pillaging through through a candy bowl chocked fill of mini Snicker and Twix chocolates. Next to the bowl was a short stack of books. I quickly scanned the titles and chose a book titled The Meaning of Life by Bradley Trevor Greive. The book, small and green, was filled with silly pictures of animals with great inspiration written beneath each picture. As I began to read through the book, not yet inspired, discovered the book offered "punches" to help you begin the life you have so sought. The very one that you put on the back burner. As I continued to read my chest puffed up a little and my hunched over position became a little taller and thought I can surely put into motion what I really want to do. Then I happened across a page with this question --What do you truly love? -- I couldn't answer the question. Assuming the answer is different for everyone and deeper than a new handbag or John Stamos' hair, I felt lost. Another kuwinkidink about finding this book was that someone just recently made this comment to me and I quote "it seems like I am always waiting for my life to begin". What do you say to that? When does our life begin? At our first breath or is it when we discover that every second that ticks away brings us closer to our unavoidable fate and then realize this is OUR life, it's gonna roll by pretty quick, so do what you love, love what you do, if you know what that love is? Go, find it and love it. Ok, that was YOUR cue.

"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet". -- Emily Dickinson

*Cue Jaws Movie Theme

In honor of yesterday's DVD release of 2012 - I wanted to share this with you.

Fluff? Scare tactics? The Truth? What do you think?

Random Thoughts 16

I realized last night that people are stupid. Stupidity is not biased, partial or racist - it treats all free thinking and non thinking humans with equal just and unjust.

I've also realized that the men of today are not gentlemen or gentlemanly in nature. I work with a 95% male workforce. No one opens the door or holds the door for you, if you are struggling with a large box of paper or a 5 gallon bottle of water not one male counter part will offer to help with it - doesn't matter that my uterus just fell to the floor either. The men folk tend to scratch, burp and are flatulent right around the corner from your desk. They don't shave everyday, clothes are wrinkled. It is a shame and I am not sure why other than I when I was 7 years old I said I wanted to marry a gentleman.



"Sir, you are no gentleman." ~~ Scarlett O'Hara
"And you, miss, are no lady...Don't think that I hold that against you. Ladies have never held any charm for me." ~~ Rhett Butler

Man Candy Monday

Post humus Man Candy...he's beautiful even from beyond.

Sing Along Time

A little twangy but I like it.

Looking back
At the dead ends and the detours
All I can do is long for a straighter line
Yeah, I was lost
I had no way of knowin'
Where the twists and turns were goin'
But sometimes, just gotta let the road wind

Could it have been easier?
Yeah
A little smoother ride
Maybe so
But lying here with you
Would I change one thing 'bout that road?
No

I believe
Things happen for a reason
Even though you might not see it
At the time
Cause' now I know
Every plan that came unraveled
Every crooked path I traveled in my life
Led me here to your side

Could it have been easier?
Yeah
A little smoother ride
Maybe so
But lying here with you
Would I change one thing 'bout that road?
No

Yeah, I finally found you...

No ~~ Jason Aldean

All Rise....

For the Honorable Heff. Judge Heff, with Baliff Donna by his side, who bowed out of a somewhat limelight gracefully 4 months ago has just announced his comeback tour. Welcome back you Nikki Sixx lovin' dirty ol' fuck.

Here Pup-Pup!

While its true that some consider our dogs part of our family or even our children when is too much too much?

Weddings for dogs?

60% of your clothing features likenesses of your beloved canines?

If someone speaks of a real child & another chimes in with the same story regarding a dog?

If someone speaks of a human death & the only association you can make is that of a pup?

Don't get me wrong folks and remember I am childless but...I have dogs and I love, love those cutie patooties but I know where to draw the line(at least in public). If someone talks about their kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews or some other version of a little people and because I don't have any of these I simply but out of the conversation.

Is It Wrong? (just two more)

Team blogs. Is blogging so hard that it takes more than one person to put down their own ideals and opinions? I thought blogging was a sort of independent thought itself?

Political blogs. Yes, I voted. No I don't understand every platform. I can not tell you the difference between liberal vs. conservative other than in my mind liberal means very open minded & conservative means you play your cards close the vest & you aren't wasteful. Both are probably wrong. Republican vs. Democrat? I don't even know where to start. Seems like everyone got on some type of bandwagon this year albeit political or college football fanaticism. Everyone rode the Obama train & all the others rode the cruise ship into Alaska.

Another example - fashion. Maybe its because the media really emphasizes Herve Lager classic styles or the utmost importance of a Louis Vuitton speedy bag. Who really of the middle class working folk knew who Mr. Blahnik was before Sex and the City? I get the idea of wearing brand name clothing. Otherwise how would you achieve popularity in middle or high school?

There was a time when politics and religion were considered rude topics. There was a time when you would never ask someone where they got something or how much something cost because it also considered rude. But there has always been a time when we judged people based on their clothing, political stance and college football choice which is a form of rudeness all it's own.

Are we just rude people?

Deep Thought of the Day

“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?” ~~ Jack Handy

Man Candy Monday

Yes, I do feel like a pedophile.

I Call Bullshit

All women, well maybe not all, the vast majority of us has someone in our life called a gynecologist. In short, the gyno cops a feel and makes it to third base without even buying you a drink.

Anyway. I called my GYN today to make an appointment for my annual check up. Previous to the phone call today I had called in November 2009 to schedule something in January 2010. The pleasant voice on the other line told me because I had visited in March 2009 that an annual visit in January 2010 might not be covered by my insurance because it had not been 12 months. Ok. I'll call in January for March, so I thought. The first available appointment is July 20, 2010. A full 6 months away. Can you believe that shit?

Oh one more thing - I called the office number & this is what I hear "If you are in labor please press 7"....wow.

Sacrifice

I am not part of a religion that practices lent but because I am nosey at best, I like to find out what others give up for self-denial. Most people I know give up some type of alcohol consumption. Good thing my religion doesn't practice lent, but if it did and I were a practicing "lenter" I'd give up one the following:

Work
Rocket Science
Double-flushing
Tea & crumpets

What are you giving up?

Man Candy Monday

I've been a little lax of late with the ogling of pecks, dimples & non-receding hairlines. To redeem myself of my absence I give you...



Enjoy.

Happy Valentine's Day

“Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.” ~~ Samuel Lover

Ode to My Mother

On a day in 1955 a baby girl was born. That baby girl was my mother and that day is today, February 12th.
So this is for the birthday girl.

*Choose Your Own Title

I must be the most cynical and miserable person in the world --- newborn baby blogs? Cat blogs? Crafty blogs? Am I that bitter or just plain ol' boring? Millions of blogs and I have a found a handful that I can bare to stomach. What the fuck? I am friends with cat lovers and quilters. However, I choose not to become friends with people who have children and the people I do consider friends who do have children, well I am never around their kids. People who have children tend to lose themselves(hey, my blog, my opinion) in carpooling, homework, baseball, gymnastics, after school care, tee-ball practice, chicken nuggets & juice boxes. My mother was very um, around in my childhood but I walked to school (for real), I coordinated my own travel to volleyball, softball, football games and practices from age 10 to 17. I cleaned my own room. I took care of the material things I had. I ate what was put before me. I went to bed at 8:00 PM even when I was a senior in high school. I was spanked as a younger child and when I got older my parents resorted to "talking" and "grounding". My parents set restrictions and rules - I followed them with no feet stomping, breathe holding episodes. If I fucked up, I accepted the punishment.

What has happened to the parents of today? "If you do that one more time" turns into12 more times. Time outs? Rolling in the floor? Noodle body?

I guess I am not a parent because I'd probably end up in jail for child abuse.

Please, please point me in the direction of interesting reads - humor, drug abuse, confessionals, hoarders, shop-a-holics, alcoholics, posts that make you cry and those that make you feel good. I'll be waiting.

Random Thoughts 16

Training bra. Why is it called a training bra?

Snack. Fun to say. Fun to eat. Oh snack, did you eat that?

I think I have a mild obession with the Kennedy family...

The Kennedy's (Jack, Bobby, Ted, John Jr.) possibly have the most perfect sets of teeth I've seen that look untouched by dental correcting - toothy, straight & white.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler

It's that time of year - when chaos & debauchery is led in the streets by drunken, masked marauders. When people wrestle over plastic strings of pearls & the token peanut butter moon pie. When the words "Hey Mister, throw me something" rolls off the tongues of everyone lining the parade route. When you learn just what the magical qualities of "jungle juice" are. When toothless wonders and "old money" stand side by side swilling mass quantities of Bud Light. When colors of purple, green and gold are hanging from every balcony, covering bodies of the young and old. A culture shock for some and traditions for others. A true sight to behold and a hangover to experience.

"I have trouble explaining to out-of-towners why people here spend $1,000 to wear a mask so no one knows who they are, and then give away things to people they've never met. But I guess it's an opportunity for everybody to play Santa Claus. That's at the heart of it." ~ Arthur Hardy

Mobile isn't New Orleans but it is the same grand ol' party.

Laissez les bon temps rouler! ~~ Let the good times roll!

Every Day Use

I often use words & I know what they mean but don't know the exact definition of them...so this morning three words came to mind:

Shallow - 1. of little depth; not deep
2. lacking depth; superficial

Shrewd - 1. astute or sharp in practical matters
2. keen; piercing

Mealy Mouth - No back-bone. Passive. Submissive. Perceived as a "sweet" person. A term mostly applied to women (by other women) who will neither engage in straight conversation nor take action.

Frank - direct and unreserved in speech; straightforward; sincere

I don't think I've ever called anyone shallow but I have swam in shallow water.

I have never really used the word shrewd & for some reason when I think of this word
I think of Elizabeth Taylor.

Well I can't say I've used mealy mouth either but I heard Scarlett O'Hara use it once. "You'd rather live with that silly little fool who can't open her mouth except to say "yes" or "no" and raise a passel of mealy-mouthed brats just like her."

Can I be frank? Well, frankly I've probably never used it either. Forever I thought it meant can I be Frank? Like a famous Frank - Frank Sinatra or Frankenstein.

You feel smarter now, don't you?

Words

We all have a our own vocabulary. Catalogs of words that make us fill up with some exuberant zeal. Some are fun to say, some to feel and some to have. My over zealous catalog includes these:

Fendi
Love
Dior
Puppies
Vodka
Googootz
Cock
Dollar(s)
Forever
Gabagool
Mama
Buzz
Fate
Smooch
Wal-Mart

And there are some words that make me cringe and I try to use sparingly:

Mole
Fart
Overdrawn
Medication
Cavity
Wrinkle
Old
5:00 AM
Pelvic Exam
Fat
Wal-Mart

Your turn...

Medicinal Purposes?

I am not a connoisseur but more of a novice when it comes to recreational drug use. I don't use drugs - illegal, prescription - for two reasons: I have an addictive personality and my so called "deep pockets" are reserved for handbag purchases only. I did no research of my own regarding Ambien, I thought I would get all the answers I needed from other blogging geniuses. What triggered this post are two verses to two different songs listed below:

The city never sleeps,
better slip you an Ambien ~~ Empire State of Mind, Jay-Z w/Alicia Keys

Red wine and Ambien
You're talking shit again ~~ John Mayer, Heartbreak Warfare

Now do tell me closet users how do you take your Ambien?

Is It Wrong (I know, one more thing & will it ever stop)

Cooking blogs, home-cooking housewife blogs or blogs in which the authors refer to themselves as Foodies. I get it, really I do. People love to cook. People love to eat. But after watching Julie & Julia - the blockbuster movie involving a girl named Julie Powell who cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking - 524 recipes in 365 days via the blogosphere, I am sure this movie has inspired 100's maybe 1000's of non-blogging self made chef & cheffettes to "blog on" to the cyber world in search of FAME & FORTUNE while trying to become the MacGuyer's of three ingredient recipes. Well good luck you do-gooder's but remember - you're not the leader, you're the follower. Bon Appetit.

*Editor's note ~~ I don't really dislike every blog other than mine. Mine has no rhyme and reason unlike the others I have "dissed" - their content is consistent. Alas, it is a free country which entitles me to free speech so I can whine and disagree as I see fit.

Non-Typical Post

I never tell the world what I do on a daily basis but..here goes:

I had to make an impromptu doctor visit this morning. I went to a local urgent care center. Upon entering the lobby I was greeted by a non too happy administrative assistant. Ok, I get it, it's Monday. I am asked to fill out the appropriate paperwork since I am a new patient and let me just add - I write incredibly legibly if I do so say so myself. I turn in the paper work & write a check for my co-pay - $35.00. "She" takes my check & I inquire about a receipt. "She" replies "normally, I don't give any out". Um, ok. So I guess since I asked she decided to a bigger smart ass than me & give me one. The amount shown paid $25 (wrong) and my city of residence Billingsley (wrong). I point out the mistakes & "she" says I entered what you had written down. I respond with the correct information & also point to my driver license which would match the paperwork in question or so I thought. I guess cross referencing is an out-dated secretarial practice.

Moving right along into the exam room. Doctor enters room, shakes my hand & immediately says "you aren't 15". I said "ohh, there was a time"....

Random Thoughts 15

Have you ever heard of chicken & waffles? I think its more of African-American tradition than not. Anywhoo, one my favorite places to grab a drive-thru lunch is Chick-fil-a. Served up are chicken sandwiches, nuggets, wraps & biscuits followed with a side called "waffle fries". Chicken & waffles, get it? I wonder if this combo was on purpose?

Soon To Be Mrs. Sixx

MÖTLEY CRÜE/SIXX A.M. bassist Nikki Sixx, who turned 51 in December, has confirmed the end of his two-year relationship with 27-year-old tattoo artist and "L.A. Ink" star Kat Von D (born Katherine Von Drachenberg).

"I want to wish Katherine nothing but the best in her life," Sixx writes on his MySpace page. "She has loved and inspired the hell outta me and I know I have done the same for her in these almost two years we ruled the earth together.

"We are taking a break from our relationship for reasons that we will choose to keep personal. You won't find me saying a bad word about her and I don't believe vice versa… We have too much wonderful history together to ever deface that."

The reasons they are choosing to break - well its just one really - ME. The picture below will be in the newspapers announcing our engagement (no gifts please).

Beauty 101

There are a few items every woman should not only have but also use. Of Those few items one should be a bra. This isn't the 60's and due to environmental factors there is no need to burn them and rebellion is for boys. Please cinch your girls up and put them where they belong - they should rest between the top bend of your elbow and shoulder not on top of your belly. Bouncy can be sexy but stagnant flopping is not. Some can be pretty expensive but there are some that are relatively cheap for the job they do and when in doubt choose one with an under wire - higher is always better. Sure men say they like the "free" look but those men are talking about 25 year old women with perfectly tanned & augmented double D's. Even if you have teeny little A's surround them with some beautiful lace & microfiber. Remember ladies all members of the male species - boys, men & dirty old bastards - love the thrill of the hunt. Give them something to wrangle with before you hit the sheets or the back seat.

Next up is make-up. You don't have to have a paint palette like Tammy Faye Bakker or Dolly Parton. Don't even think pan-cake make-up for a second - spackling is for walls. Less is typically more in this arena. At least grab yourself the basics - facial moisturizer, mascara, lipstick, powder & an eyebrow brush. There is a reason God made beauty products - to be used and used often. You might not think men notice but they do. You've heard the statement "I prefer the natural look", men have no idea what natural is. What our manly partners think is natural takes hours to accomplish. If you are in doubt about the miracles make-up can do see for yourself.

Please ladies, do us all a favor - give your "girls" the attention and praise they deserve & practice the use of war paint. Rome wasn't built in a day so lets get started.

I Believe...

That Coca-Cola & Saltines will cure any stomach bug.

That lipstick completes any outfit.

That gossip can ruin someone's life.

That your business is just as important to someone as their business.

That trust is something hard to come by.

That a good haircut can make you walk taller, straighter & make you 15 lbs lighter.

In a good time.

Is It Wrong? (two more things)

Self proclaimed authors of Preppy and Southern Belle blogs.

Just because you have all things plaid or wear argyle work out clothes with your 4th generation pearls doesn't make you a prep. Because everything in your home is pink & green with curlz monogramming - well guess what Muffy, Buffy & Binky? Doesn't make you preppy either. Polo and LL Bean bedding doesn't automatically send you into prepdom.

or...

Just because you are from (use overly exaggerated southern drawl) Jaw-guh, Alabamuh or that little ole' place we call South Carulinah doesn't make you a Southern Belle. Because you have a front poeh-uch and you sip mint juleps watching that pesky ol' sun set doesn't make you one either. Because you have small wrists, faint on sofas or because your family owned cotton fields...NO.

Why am I digging on these people? Because I do de-klair-uh I can! I am from the deep south, born he-uh, lived he-uh for 32 ye-uhs. I have no twangy, drippy sweet Scarlett O'Hara or Mama Gump drawl. If you don't believe me just ask this guy or this one. I don't wipe my mouth, I dab the corners. I sit with my legs crossed & I use yes ma'am & no sir on a daily basis. Just because you are from the region - it does not make you a Southern Belle, it makes you a Southerner. If you can prove to me you "were conceived under a magnolia, born under an azalea"...then we'll talk.

and...

I have been sporting plaid, monogrammed clothing and handbags for 30 years! I wore pink in green in the 4th grade. I love cardigans. Fond of headbands & have a picture of John Jr. on my bedside table. My hair is straight and shoulder length too. None of these equate a trip to Preppyville. Unless you're a Kennedy & live on Martha's Vineyard you are out of sweet Lacoste luck.

Folks, please pull your head out of your pompus wanna-be asses.

Whew, I am tired.

Relationships 103

How many times have you heard or have been told "you need to take time for yourself", "you need time to grieve" or "you should wait a little while before you get into another relationship".

Let me address these - First, taking time for oneself. This is a very broad group of words put together in one seemingly small sentence. What the "giver" is suggesting is that you should not get into another relationship. One (myself) assumes the "giver" is lonely and doesn't have a relationship to speak of or the "giver" is jealous of the life you are about to lead (freedom). Taking time for oneself can be whatever the "receiver" wants it to be - learning a new hobby, slumber parties, learn Swahili, but lets be honest class how does one getting out of relationship move on and take time for their self - meeting new people & doing new things which could include dinner out at an expensive Asian fusion restaurant with an Asian fusion person. New things could also include some bedroom Olympics with Asian fusion flare of course (think geisha & foot binding). When I take time for oneself (me) it almost always involves someone else. Just saying.

Secondly, waiting a bit before getting into another relationship. What the "giver" is saying here is that you should take some time for yourself (see above).

Thirdly, taking time to grieve. No, not for a mortal death but relationship death. What the "giver" is saying here is you should wait a bit before getting into another relationship & that you should take some time for yourself (see above).

When someone is dishing out this advice do you really think they have your their best interest at heart? Doubtful. I've never told someone "take time for yourself" because I believe it to be a bullshit metaphor or analogy that involves deeply rooted jealousy from the "giver". I am not saying that I practice what I preach but if you want to bed hop, do it. Sew those whorish oats & sew them well. If you want to hide like a hermit and mimic Howard Hughes, do it. Climb Kilimanjaro? Just remember to layer & send me a postcard.

When men become divorced or are dumped where do they head? For the hottest bed they can find. Nothing wrong with that. Work out all of that pent up anger & irritability. Who does it hurt really? Men, women were designed to couple with one another & pro-create. Some can't pro-create so they just rehearse, a lot.

Basically the message the giver is delivering is don't get involved again - spend time with me - I don't have a man/woman friend neither should you.

Funny the stuff they won't tell ya...

Random Thoughts 14

Why are "they" called baby blues regardless of the age of the owner? What about teenage blues or adult blues? Little shit blues? Adolescent blues? Mid-life crisis blues? Baby browns? Baby greens?

What is tit for tat? Who came up with this little quip? If see a tat you get a tit? You get titted, you get tatted? Why not pit for pat or fit for fat? Who comes up with this stuff?

What if I become one of those parents (no I am not pregnant) who blog about their kids as I belittled those who do last week? Hopefully this genetic mishap is due to pass me by. Eeek, what if it doesn't? Surely I can count on ALL of YOU to slap me in the right way and the occassional wrong way if I do. I mean, I have 4 pups and I rarely throw them into the spotlight & let me tell you they deserve the spotlight because like their owner/mother - they are perfect.

Have you ever thought about how big of a space you would need if you were to put all of the things you buy & use but never keep, like toliet paper, food, food wrappers, tolietries, gas, hooch, feelings, heartache, water, make-up, medicine?

I Almost Forgot....

"Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less". ~~ General Robert E. Lee

Happy Birthday.

Man Candy Monday

I think I saw a faux dimple...



"Yeah,...that's not gonna happen".

Is It Wrong? (ok, just one more thing)

Twilight blogs. New Moon Blogs. Vampire blogs. Jacob, Bella & Edward please, please, with all the blood you two are involved with, surely you can acquire some type of terminal blood borne illness that will cause these Twi-Hards to mourn themselves to death.

That's all I have to say about that.

Is It Wrong? (one more thing)

Blogs with these words:

Musings
Rants
Ramblings
Diary
This Girl
One Girl
Mommy
Mom
Or their real name

in the blog title likens to me the sound of fingernails scratching a chalkboard. Blogs are about our opinions, opinions and views but could you just be a bit more creative? Orignial? Some fine examples of blog titles that are super smart, witty with creative orignality are:

You're Shitting Me, Right?
Fuck Your Blog
Dantes 2nd Inferno
Fragrant Liar
Dear You, You and You
Something Savage This Way Comes

Words are just words but with the right ones you can lure the world right to your corner of the web. This "one more thing" does not pertain to any of my blogging corespondents who have any of these in their blog titles because you were simply grandfathered in. Squatter's rights if you will.

Good grief, I must be spotting or something.

Sing Along Time

I was watching American Idol last night & this song popped into my head. Time heals all wounds, right? Well, I think the right words can help with the band aid work too.

Show Me What I'm Looking For ~~ Carolina Liar

Wait, I'm wrong
Should have done better than this
Please, I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Don't let go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for

Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for…oh lord

Save me, I'm lost
Oh lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Just save me from being confused
Wait, I'm wrong
I can't do better than this
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for

Is It Wrong?

Is it wrong that I completely detest blogs that feature pictures of kids, usually the author's own, doing mundane things like standing in front of a rose garden, laying in the floor or showy a cheesy grin because of a tooth loss? Throw in a snippet or two of Little Rosie & Clyde doing something grand like smearing the walls with grape jelly or shaving the dog but keep the report card reporting, dance competition and altar boy information to yourself - it's not interesting.

The other type of blog I detest is the "I'm getting married blog". White Fiji mums mums, cucumber-mint crepes and white tapers followed by an encore of Wind Beneath My Wings, please as politely as I can say this "shut your fucking mouth and point us toward the open bar" ...oh wait, there is one more - the weight loss journey. Here's a hint - don't eat, starve. Anerexoia does work. I understand the need to celebrate things/milestones in our lives but I'd never tell the world how much I weighed, what size clothes I wore or what my wedding cake filling is going to be - because why class? It's not interesting.

Could it be that I am just a bitter, not really old, sassy bitch? I am sure that my blog contents aren't appealing to all but its highly doubtful - I am quite the catch if you know what I mean. Where handbags, Man Candy and vodka cocktails fall - excitement abounds!

Yeah, yeah to each their own and all that free speech bullshit. I know.

Hook 'Em

My Newest Guilty Pleasure

Yeah, yeah say whatever you want too. The Jersey Shore is the shit. I am a product & victim of the original MTV generation and love reality TV. MTV was the originator of reality TV with my first guilty pleasure, The Real World: New York in 1992 - I jumped on that band wagon & have yet to bail.

And that little guido number below & to the right..is the filling in my canoli.

Random Thoughts 13

As I venture into the new year...I have a few new thoughts:

Why is it called the red carpet? Is green or purple offensive? Why I do declare, purple is the color of royalty and green the color of envy.

Why do some sellers on Ebay take pictures of their items to be sold on the floor? Fake Fendi or not, I don't want it on the floor.

Ever seen the commercial regarding plastic bottled water : "Fifteen minutes in a car, forever in a landfill"? Ok, I get the part about going green. But what about plastic soda bottles? We've been plastic bottling soda a lot longer than we have water. Do plastic soda bottles disintegrate more quickly than plastic water bottles?

Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot...

and never brought to mind? Depends.

I was talking to a friend yesterday on the phone and if you knew how our relationship works and now you will because I will tell you, our entire relationship is based via email, you would understand that something important was up that warranted a phone call. The email thread began like this:

Me to her: What are you doing tonight?

Her to me: Can you call me?

I call. She says are you sittng down? Why yes I am. She begins...today is my last day here at Acme Widgets Inc. She's quitting her job of 7 years to chase happiness. How fucking cool is that? She begins her new year, her new decade with no plan, nothing on the back burners. Wreckless abandon? I think not. I told her that she had the biggest set of fuzzy balls I'd ever seen and I secretly wanted to cup them.

Today I make only two resolution for the new year. One - I resolve to not let myself be forced into corners by decisions that were made for me and not by me and two - to check my voice mail more often.

Welcome Twenty-Ten & Happy New Year!!

Words We Use

Daily I use words and I know what they mean layman wise and I can use them in a sentence but I might know the exact definition. In an effort to make us all smarter I have looked up the definitions to the following.

Respect [ri-spekt] ~~ verb (used with object)

1. to hold in esteem or honor: I cannot respect a cheat.
2. to show regard or consideration for: to respect some one's rights.
3. to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.
4. to relate or have reference to.

Kosher [koh-sher]

1. Judaism. a. fit or allowed to be eaten or used, according to the dietary or ceremonial laws: kosher meat; kosher dishes; a kosher tallith.
b. adhering to the laws governing such fitness: a kosher restaurant.

2. Informal. a. proper; legitimate.
b. genuine; authentic.

And finally paranormal...[par-uh-nawr-muhl]

–adjective of or pertaining to the claimed occurrence of an event or perception without scientific explanation, as psychokinesis, extrasensory perception, or other purportedly supernatural phenomena.

Remember a time when kosher was a slang term for liking something? "Dude, that board is so kosher".

Remember when it was all about respect? Actually I think a certain group of people were all about the disrespect. "Don't come up in my house and disrespect me".

And paranormal. Maybe not the best choice for daily word use but I believe I have paranormal sensitivities if that makes sense. If not let me try to make some sense of it....I met a man named Tony Chambliss at the Aids Foundation in San Angelo, Texas. As he was giving me a tour of the building which was an older home, he made mention of Ms. Sarah the residential ghost. Tony told me he had always been sensitive to those types of energies & he explained the phenomena of hairs on the back of your neck standing up and how things in the corner of your eye were usually paranormal activity. In the home I live in now, an older home, maybe 60 years old, I get flashes of movement in the hallway all of the time. There are two entrances to my hallway & I experience flashes or "blurries" of color and light in both. Sorta freaky but not really.

Ok post is too long...stopping now.

Three Types

There are three types of people who really just irritate me right into the depths of homocidal tendencies.

The first one is the bragger. Generally what they brag about is nothing that brings a twinkle to my eye. The item that is bragged out isn't made out of 24k gold or even ghetto gold. Bragging examples include: women who want them and how big those women's boobs are, how good of a cook they are, how fancy a vehicle is they bought or pictures of their beautiful, smart, above average children. I know, one man's trash is another man's treasure. Sorry people, I don't do braggers.

The second is the joker. The joker who says something which might cause a snicker and due to the snickering, the joker continues to tell the same thing over and over, even goes out of the way to bring others to the conversation to only tell them the same thing, you guessed it, over and over. Sorry people, jokes about Little Johnny, Polloks, Jews and how you know your in Alabama are not funny. There was a time when they were but the time has passed. Let's move on.

The third is the person who has to tell the world how much weight they've lost. If you have to tell someone how much weight you lost to the exact pound/ounce, how you only eat 3 meals a day but watch your carb intake & how good you think you look chances are you basically still look the same to them or worse yet they just don't care or notice because you were so uninteresting or unattractive to begin with. Sorry people, weight loss that you have to tell me about or bring to my attention does not get applause or compliments from me.

Wow, could I be a bigger bitch? Umm, probably. You guys are here to read about my frustrations and from time to time my pleasures, in short that makes you the "middle man" - thanks for all you do.

Man Candy Monday

Now that the holidays are just about over, we can all return to our normal duties...who wants to go to Australia?

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You...

to all of you (bloggie readers, community, fan club) for sharing my birthday month with me. My birthday month is nearly over only to be rivaled by a new year. Pretty soon we will all watch the clock, counting down the arrival of 2010.

Here's to wishing each of you a happy, healthy & incredibly luck filled new year to come.

Its All About Me - Day 25

Today is the big day...I'll pour one out for all of you.

Merry Christmas!

Its All About Me - Day 24

For you last minute shoppers shopping for my last minute birthday & Christmas gifts, I kindly threw together a list for you because there is no time to spare with guess work...

Christmas Wish list:

A night in a castle made of lollipops
A moral compass
Super hero powers
Fundies
One million dollars in dimes
The secret formula for Coca-Cola
My two front teeth
A hula hoop
Clairvoyance
A room full of purple rubber bands

Now, now, don't give me the song & dance of where in the world will you ever find a moral compass or a lollipop castle. For the love of Pete people - concentrate, focus.

Merry Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 23

Woo-hooo! Two more days and we'll have the grand finale and final curtain call. As Christmas day draws closer I get overwrought with emotion. Christmas Day never feels as exciting to me as the day after Thanksgiving. I guess the buzz of season is wearing thin and everyone is ready for it to be over. We've spent a lot of money, redecorated our homes, possibly sent Christmas cards we didn't want to send & encountered family members we avoid the other 364 days of the year. Oh yeah, fruitcake (makes gagging noise).

Here's to two more days of the joyful holiday season. Stay focused.

Merry Christmas to you & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me & Man Candy Monday - Day 20

Half Greek, half Italian & I have been asked before if I were both. I take from that that Gilles Marini & I would have beautiful offspring.

I believe Samantha Jones called him Dante, Dante and his perfect dick. Don't look at me, I didn't say it I only repeated it.

One more thing, Mr. Marini has dimples.

Happy Birthday to me & Merry Christmas to you? Oh yes indeedy.

Its All About Me - Day 17

In one week, ONE - I will be a year older than I am now - "old to enough to know better but still too young to care". Both of those little quips are a lie - I don't know better and I do care.

I received my first birthday cake yesterday - a Devil's Food Cheesecake. I excitedly had a piece last night with a glass of champagne while watching Amityville Horror. Why Amityville Horror? Because of a shirtless Ryan Reynolds. Completely self-indulgent to say the least.

Happy Birthday to me & Merry Christmas to you.

Its All About Me - Day 14

During the holiday season I often think of Christmas in New York City. Surely in a city of great history & beautiful landmarks Christmastime there must magical. The tree lighting in Rockefeller Center, The Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular, a Broadway play of Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol", a sleigh ride in a snow covered Central park all bundled up in mittens & scarves. Besides my parent's home I can't imagine a more perfect place to spend December 25th. Now I find my self in an Empire State Of Mind.

Merry Christmas to you & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 13

Lucky 13 right? Let me tell you how lucky I am right now. There is a rain/thunder storm/mini hurricane brewing outside which causes 3 of my 4 dogs to go temporarily insane. One gets in the bathtub, another wedges itself between me and the arm of the couch and turns its body temperature up to 200 degrees and the last one is a 65 lb. freckled Basset Hound named Gracie who also answers to Jar Jar Binks who on any other given day isn't allowed on any furniture somehow manages to jump onto the couch, and then onto my lap while panting, shivering & drooling all over me. So I bring out the Peach Schnapps and offer comfort. Gracie gladly accepts. Wow, its gonna be a long night.



Happy Christmas & Merry Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 12

I know...I skipped day 11 but its my birthday month so I get immunity from skipping days.

Today, tonight rather someone called me a 34 year old bitter woman. Not a terribly hard pill to swallow but I don't feel I am bitter. For those of you who doesn't know the definition of the term not in reference to taste see below:

Bitter (bit-er)- adjective
a. Characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred.
b. Hard to admit or accept: a bitter lesson.
c. Resentful or cynical: bitter words.

So I recounted, um, why do you think I am bitter? The response, from every other relationship you've ever been in, I was doomed from the begining. Sure, there was a time sometime ago when I would have called myself a bit cynical, a bit bitter but that sometime has come and gone and I have gotten over the biggest part of what I was so hurt over and what nearly killed me (no, no blood was shed, no necks were snapped).

Before this relationship I am in ever really began I read outloud the fine print: I am not the person you think I am. I am difficult to live with. I am very selfish. I obsessively clean. I am a bitch.

Caution was thrown to the wind and our lives set in motion...six years later here we are. Two very different people wanting very different things - one hanging on and the other letting go. Why does it end up this way? The very things that can bring two together can ultimately tear them apart.

Clearly HE was referring to winter (which isn't exactly here) because I no longer resemble anyone or anything that was once bitter.

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to a former bitter bitch - ME.

Its All About Nikki (me) - Day 10

It's a big day in my world. Why do you ask? Because it is my rock n roll boyfriend's birthday. Who do you ask is so very lucky to be my rock n roll boyfriend? The lucky man in question is Nikki Sixx. Oh how I swoon over thee let me count the ways...

Sometime ago I wrote this.



I don't suffer from addiction of Nikki Sixx. I enjoy every second of it.

Happy Birthday Nikki!

& Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me.

Its All About Me - Day 9

This all about me stuff is not as easy as I thought it would be. Celebrating my birthday month is all but that. Typically I am an overly selfish person but here I find myself stuck on day 9 without anything to shout about. Go figure.

With the whining behind me & because I could use some random excitement I thought I'd bring out the mistletoe...you know what to do.



Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 7

I found this in my 'in box'(no, not that 'in box', its Christmas time keep it clean for goodness sake)...

Somebody Loves Me

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 6

*This is a post from last year, same time --- since it was Christmas related, I decided to dig it out & have a do-over. I figure I can do that from time to time*

I was looking through a catalog of Christmas cards. Not one card in this catalog offered the greeting "Merry Christmas", "Happy Christmas", "Kiss My Christmas" or anything of the like. I could not find one picture of Santa and no mention of Christ or the Nativity. Are people so sensitive to the word Christmas or pictures of a man in a red suit? Santa has been flying over roof tops, squeezing down chimmney's for hundreds of years and Jesus has been around longer than that. I am not sensitive to people who eat gelfite fish or wear crocheted little beanies which means I don't ask for these items to be removed or changed while in my presence. Nor am I sensitive to religions that completely omit the word Christmas or any other holiday from their vocabulary. It is their choice. If I am not offended by others choices and aren't screaming for them to wear brown derby's, eat tuna from a can or write Christmas is Love a million times on a chalkboard then don't take away my option of a Christmas card boasting Santa giving Jesus a hi-5. You can just bet at a point in the offended's life - Santa did stop in to pay them a visit and he left them bags of switches & flat beer.

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 5

I like to sing along to most any tune piping from the radio & I sing louder and prouder during the Christmas season. So I give you my My Favorite Christmas Song.

Happy Christmas & Merry Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 4

Today I wish for and I ask for everyone to wrap it up and send it to me: In my happiness I learn not to be so terrified to lose it.




Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 3

The very sight of this little guy makes my heart leap with joy.



Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 2

Put on your happy face...Happy Christmas & Merry Birthday to me!

It's All About Me

December, it's my month. For three reasons 1. I love the Christmas season, 2. I have the hots for Santa, 3. Christmas Day is my birthday.

No, I do not necessarily get jipped on gifts. Typically I get two or three from all givers but often they are wrapped in Christmas themed paper. I've had more than one birthday without a cake and I've had more than one birthday when someone will look at me and say "Oh my gosh! Today is your birthday, Happy Birthday!" Usually this outburst comes late in the day when everyone is gathering their things and heading home. I never tap anyone on the shoulder and smile a big cheesey grin and say "is there anything you want to say to me, is there anything you forgot to give me?", nope, I just let it ride and wait for the sympathetic belated greetings to pour in at a later date - like never.

Because this is MY blog and Christmas is my favorite day of the year I am going to celebrate it every day until December 25th right here with all of you....