Love Story

I was watching Rocky Balboa. In one scene Rocky & Paulie visit the apartment that Rocky first walked Adrian home to. In the movie Adrian has died & every year whether on their anniversary or her birthday he relives their life. Visits the apartment, the pet store where he first saw her, takes flowers and sits by her grave. Endearing and tearful because he loved her and misses her so much. Which brings me to this blog post. What is the greatest love story ever told? One from the big screen, your parents or the one you're in? Maybe its something out of the norm, something like the love one may have for handbags, chap stick or Nikki Sixx. But I think those border on obsession. Obsession is not to be confused with love. Like a boy and his dog or a man and his car - those are love stories of sorts.

My grandmother told my granfather once - "if I die and you remarry I will sit on your head board every night". Love or slight dementia?

My greatgrandfather -once said of my great-grandmother who had passed away 8 years prior after (over) 60 years of marrirage - "I sure do you miss that woman. She was a fine woman and the love of my life". Loneliness or true love?

"They" say there is someone for all of us. We have no instruction manual or any GPS that points us toward that person. Just two people flailing around in the big world looking for something and have no idea what it is. When we find that person or they find us what story will we have to tell? A love story or a horror story?

Duh-Ooooh Over

Right now, if Robin Williams appeared to you as a blue genie and offered you a wish, but the wish was already chosen for you and it was for a life do-over would you take it? Would you undo every aspect of your entire life or only small parts? One big part or none at all? Would you study harder in school? Make the leap for college? Not smoke that first cigarette or take that first drink that led to many many more? Not make fun of the fat kid? Rekindle an old flame? Leave the shitty relationship you're in? Not have children? Have more children? Or maybe it would be something as trivial as not driving across loose sand?

I would definitely take the do-over. All those times I made my mom worry, I would undo everyone of them. When someone did something to me that I knew was wrong, I would not keep it to myself for fear of being seen as the one to blame.

All of the bad things I've seen, heard and been a part of doesn't define who I am today but are a part of me. I refuse to be a statistic but sometimes it's hard not to become a small one.

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe our do-over starts then.

My First Award!

Eadyn is showing me some love!

Here are the RULES of this Award:

(1) Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
(2) Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
(3) Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
(4) Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
(5) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
(6) Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
(7) Leave a comment on each of the blogs, letting them know they have been nominated.


Seven things you may or may not find interesting...

1. I have broken both of my thumbs. My left thumb 3 times.
2. I still own 6 Cabbage Patch kids & can name them all.
3. I've been engaged 4 times.
4. I was born on Christmas Day.
5. When I close my eyes under the running water in the shower I am afraid a shark face will come out of the shower head.
6. I've been in 7 automobile accidents - injuries from only three.
7. I could eat Hunts Snak Pak chocolate pudding cups until the pudding comes out of my ears.

Spreading the love...

1. Driven to Distraction
2. The Fragrant Liar
3. Frank (slept here & here)
4. The Majority of Two
5. Holy Crappers
6. Eat, Bitch & Whine
7. Things Men Say

Random Thoughts 4

Why do people get married? Moral obligation? Fulfillment? Security? Love? A big party? I use to think that little gold band had magical powers and I still do. Sometimes I wish I had a little (diamond encrusted) gold band on my finger.

Why are older women who like younger men called cougars? Why not a cheetah (because they are fast)? Or a raccoon (they wash their hands before they eat)? A mole (because they are blind)?

Why do dirty old men have to be just that? I was having dinner last Sunday at a restaurant that features interim line dancing. At the cue of certain songs, the staff kicks little "jigs" all over the restaurant. One particular table in the line of firing seated two older couples - probably teetering on the age of 60 for all involved. A dirty old man in the group had a front row view of said "jiggers". As the other guests at the table pretended not to notice the jiggly body movements of young girls in tight britches, the DOM stopped mid-bite to watch. With his perfectly coiffed preacher's helmet and thick figaro style gold necklace he licked his chops, curled his lip and arched his eyebrow at the booty beside him. Assuming the lady seated by him was his grand-baby grand-mama, she was completely oblivious to the blatant eye fucking going on as she was eating her steak. I won't lie, I often window shop but I would not dare do it with my beloved sitting right beside me and I surely wouldn't set my sights on someone young enough to be my grandson even if he had the dimples of Antonio Sabato Jr., the arms of a god...or was the smitten image of Nikki Sixx. (Chanting - eyes straight ahead, hands to yourself, eyes straight ahead, hands to yourself) Why, I'm a lady (a lady who uses the word fuck alot).

Overheard at Work

I possibly had my nose where it didn't belong or in this case, my ears.

"You ain't leaving me. I love you."

You Know Who You Are...

Checking my e-mail today - I came across one from a friend that contained this:

a reminder

if i get old,
i will not give in
but if i do,
remind me of this:

remind me that
once i was free,
once i was cool,
once i was me

and if i sat down and crossed my arms,
hold me onto this song

knock me out,
smash out my brains,
if i take a chair
and start to talk shit

if i get old,
remind me of this:
one night we kissed,
and i really meant it

whatever happens,
if we're still still speaking,
pick up the phone,
play me this song

- radiohead

I promise if you get old...if you become forgetful...if you are no longer cool...if you talk shit...I will not smash your brains out but I will play this song:

~~~ I tried to make it Sunday but I got so damned depressed, that I set my sights on Monday and I got myself undressed. I ain't ready for the altar but I do agree there's times when a woman sure can be a friend of mine ~~~ America, "Sister Golden Hair"

Overheard in McDonald's

I took an early Saturday trip to McDonald's. After I got my iced non-fat mocha and began walking toward the door, I heard an older black lady tell a younger white woman "I said, either you are married or you are romantically involved. I could see you loved him in your smile". I turned to look at the couple and I saw it too.

"I'm lovin' it."

Saying Good-bye To Yesterday

Who has said good-bye to yesterday and why is it so hard to do so? Some say there is no good in good-bye, I beg to differ. Sometimes saying good-bye is exactly what we need to do.

To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. ~George Lansdowne

Good-byes breed a sort of distaste for whomever you say good-bye to; this hurts, you feel, this must not happen again. ~Elizabeth Bowen

If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me? ~Lynrd Skynrd, "Free Bird"


Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened, right? Gimme a fucking break.

Sunday Stealing (on a Monday morning): The A to Z Meme

A
• Are you available? Define available.
• What is your age? A lady never tells her age but if I had to throw a number
around-34 would do.
• What annoys you? People who chew with their mouth open.


B
• Do you know anyone named Billy? Yup.
• When is your birthday? Christmas Day.
• Who is your best friend? I have 4...Hope, Lisa, Lynn, Hoppe.


C
• What's your favorite candy? Gimme chocolate.
• Crush? Ahh yes...two of them --- Nikki & Ryan.
• When was the last time you cried? Yesterday.


D
• Do you daydream?: Day dream, night dream. I do it all.
• What's your favorite kind of dog? Basset hound - shhh, don't tell the others.
• What day of the week is it? Monday - even though I am Sunday Stealing.

E
• How do you like your eggs? Over medium - covered in grits.
• Have you ever been in the emergency room? 3 times - Emergency appendectomy, some
weird reaction to shrimp & Rolling Rock, slashed a finger-needed stitches -- all
pure talent.
• Ever pet an elephant? Yes.


F
• Do you use fly swatters? No.
• Have you ever used a foghorn? Foghorn Leghorn?
• Is there a fan in your room? Human type or cooling type? If so, I have both. If not, then I just have one or the other.

G
• Do you chew gum? Yes. Grape Hubba Bubba is the stuff.
• Do you like gummy candies? Gummy bears...only.
• Do you like gory movies? Me likey the blood & guts.


H
• How are you? Physically - my neck is sore & my face is really tender near the jaw
area, left side, like something bit me but not a bug bite. Weird. Emotionally -
spent. Mentally - exhausted.
• What's your height? 5'5 1/2"
• What color is your hair? Dark brown. Classic brunette shall we say?

I
• What's your favorite ice cream? Ben & Jerry's - Karmal Sutra
• Have you ever ice skated? Nope.
• Ever been in an igloo? Ok, no.


J
• What's your favorite Jelly Bean? Grape.
• Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke? Yes. What is green and sings? Elvis Parsley! (it's so corny but every time I get a chuckle)
• Do you wear jewelry? Earrings, two rings, necklace - every day.

K
• Who do you want to kill? The "W"...is that wrong? It has to be, but WTF ever. (and I am not talking about the former prez)
• Have you ever flown a kite? Yes.
• Do you think kangaroos are cute? Totally.


L
• Are you laidback? I use to be. There was a time...
• Lions or Tigers? Tigers.
• Do you like black licorice? No.


M
• Favorite movie as a kid? The Wizard of Oz.
• Ever shopped at Moosejaw? Gonna go out on a limb - and say no.
• Favorite store at the mall? Kirkland's


N
• Do you have a nickname? Several - Kim Buck, Kimmie Pie, Betty, Monkey.
• Whats your favorite number? 20.
• Do you prefer night or day? Night.


O
• What's your one wish? Correct change always - if it costs $1048.63. Hand goes into
pocket - out comes correct change.
• Are you an only child? Yes. Parents stopped at perfection.
• Do you like the color orange? Never thought about it - but now that I am asked -
no.


P
• What are you most paranoid about? My teeth falling out.
• Piercings? Ears. Two times.
• Do you know anyone named Penelope? No.

Q
• Are you quick to judge people? I thought no but very recently, someone told me I was a "judger".
• Do you like Quaker Oats? Nope.
• Know anyone that makes quilts? Yes. Former roommate - quilting queen.
• Do you think you're always right? In my world - yes.
• Do you watch reality TV? Love it.
• Reason to cry? I can cry on command but usually there is a "D" reason.

S
• Do you prefer sun or rain? Sun.
• Do you like snow? Yes!
• What's your favorite season? Winter.

T
• What time is it? 9:20 am
• What time did you wake up? 4:41 am

U
• Can you ride a unicycle? Never tried.
• Do you know anyone with a unibrow? A couple of fellas I work with.
• How many uncles do you have? 4? That doesn't quite sound right...but I think it's
a good solid number.


V
• What’s the worst vegetable? Turnips.
• Did you ever watch Veggie Tales? No. I am child free.
• Ever considered being vegan? Yes. I put it on my New Year's resolution list -
EVERY YEAR and I fail every year.


W
• What's your worst habit? I tend to ask too many questions & I'm pretty naive.
• Do you like water rides? Yes.
• Ever been inside a windmill? Eh, no.


X
• Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes.
• Ever used a Xerox machine? Uh, duh.


Y
• Do you like the color yellow? Um...I suppose.
• What year were you born in? 1974. Shit, I just gave away my age.
• Do you yell when you're angry? No, I cry. Refer to "Q" questions.

Z
• Do you believe in the zodiac? Eh, sometimes. Example -- I was reading someone's
zodiac to them & it contained something like - you will have to choose between K
& C. Just so happened I was the K and the ex-girlfriend was the C.
• What's your zodiac sign? Capricorn.
• When was the last time you went to the zoo? I have four dogs -- technically, I
live in one.

Voila! Your Turn

Hopeless Romantic

In our quest called life, each of us searches for something different or maybe we are all looking for the same thing. I suppose its the lucky few who find what they truly seek (over achievers). I've always said you can't have too much money and you can't be too skinny. If you have money you can buy skinny. If you are skinny, people want to give you money, well probably not, but a girl can dream. Both were my motto for years and now older and really none the wiser, I can't help to still believe a little of each are true. So, my search today focuses more on true love than anything. "And wuv, twu wuv will fowow you foweva. That dweam wifin a dweam. So tweasure your wuv."

My new favorite movie is P.S. I Love You. I imagine this will become one of those movies likened to Steel Magnolias and Pretty Woman(instant classics) - it will air on numerous TV channels (TNT, TBS, FX, A&E) on Saturday and Sunday. Repetitively, of course. The movie is uber gushing of hopeless romantic antics. I sob violently every time I watch it. Near the end of the movie a letter is read, narrated by the author of said letter in a darling Irish accent. The letter contains these sentiments ---

"....its to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me... And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life,... But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you."

*sigh*

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control."

*sigh*

Yes, I live in my own little world where the thought of a perfect love lingers. Perfect, precise and all mine. So I say this --- "Where the fuck are you?".

Where?

Do you ever observe a couple, of the man/woman coupling type, and feel a little jealous? Jealous because of the way he looks at her, holds the door for her, guides her by the small of her back, brushes the hair from her face, kisses her hands? I do and I feel it often. Then I think, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. He probably keeps her tied up in a closet in dirty sweat pants. However, these couples look damn good in the public eye.

But my point is - why must the visual of another spark some deep desire for something that I do not have? Where is my hand kisser? My back guider? The love of all loves? The one who adores me, dotes over me, loves me with every fiber of their being? The one who would die without me?

I've been dating since I was 15! I'm exhausted! Where is he?
---Charlotte York

Wednesday What?

I took the cue from That Girl from here

You wouldn't be caught dead where?: Rummaging through a discount bin at a yardsale or in white shoes after labor day.

Do you have any hidden talents?: Yes. I am a mind reader.

Name two things you consider yourself to be very good at: Cleaning and napping.

Name two things you consider yourself to be very bad at: Making the first move and letting go.

Have you ever won a trophy?: Yes. Sports and academics.

Name one thing not many people know about you: That is why it is the ONE thing. Can't put it all on out on the table.

Name your earliest memory: Walking in my great-grandparents front yard in a green & orange plaid coat.

What was your favorite musical group in jr. high?: Bon Jovi!

What was something the worst roommate you ever had did?: Borrowed a Liz Claiborne bag and matching wallet from me and never gave it back.

When you were a kid what did you want to be when you grew up?: Loretta Lynn (I know, I know)

What was your worst dating experience?: Any date that ended in a sleepover...

If you were about to die what would your last meal be?: No meal...just a strawberry pie my mom made.

Who is the most important person in you life?: I have more than one - but are important to me in very different ways. My mom & grandparents for one. And of course - that someone special for two (you know who you are).

If your house was on fire what 3 things would you grab on your way out?: My dogs, my hope chest and any other thing I could squeeze throught the front door before the flames got to me.t

When Rock n Roll Eyes Are Smiling

As I was ruling the world at my place of employment - I received a phone call from a customer letting me know he would be stopping in to make a quick purchase. I completed the necessary paperwork and waited for his arrival. My work station is near the front lobby so I can always hear the door open before I see who is coming in. As I looked up from my desk, my eyes widended, my mouth fell open & I fell out of my chair. My first thought was "he found me!" My second thought "where is my lipstick?" As I poked my head up over my desk what I saw was this - a man with black spikey rock n roll hair, that odd little flavor savor patch below his bottom lip, a black button-down shirt (resembles a mechanic's shirt), jeans, large wallet with the chain attached to his belt loop, some arm tats, sunglasses and black boots. Of course of all days for the drop in, I am found sick with some type of flu/cold bug so I wasn't looking my groupie best. The customer's name just happened to be Frank and what is Nikki Sixx's birth name? FRANK Ferrano. Coincidence?

While not the 6'3" man of my rock n roll dreams - he coulda done in a pinch. Oh how the rock god's have shone their favor down upon me.

Babies, Babies, Babies

At dinner Saturday, I was observing two small children. Both were boys with dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin, dimples and well behaved. They were sitting like little men among the family enjoying their meal.

All of sudden I heard --- TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK --- I looked across the table and a friend of mine was grinning from ear to ear. Immediately in my defense I said, "whatever, I don't even like kids". Then he said "I can just see it now, you and your little girl both with your designer handbags"....

Why me? why me?

**Super Sigh**

As I made my bi-weekly pilgrimage to Wal-Mart early this morning, I found myself in the oddest moment ever. I was at the check out counter, the cashier greeted me good morning then asked me "are you a mom"? I said "no". She looked at me, turned her head slightly like a dog does when you speak to it. With her ears perked forward, she then said "really, you're not a mom"? I said "no, I'm not, well yes I am, actually I am the mother of four dogs". The mother of the year then said "I guess that counts. Happy Mother's Day". I felt mortified for not being a bearer of my own offspring. Stupid Wal-mart workers.

Oh, How I Love Thee

To be loved, one has to love their self first? What does that mean? Hold your own hand? Kiss your reflection in the mirror? Probably not. Does it mean having long and lingering dinners alone? Sending yourself roses for no reason at all? Probably not. Buying yourself ridiculousy exquisite handbags? Well, maybe. Nah, it's much more complex than that. It probably means being comfortable and happy with who you are - outwardly and inwardly - embracing all of those little weird acts of self indulgence that only you know about. Feeding our emotional, mental and spiritual needs daily.

Do you know anyone who loves their self fully and wholeheartedly? I don't, but, I still don't understand why you have to love yourself before anyone else can. I've been loved before and during those times of "befores" I am 100% sure I was not in love with or loving myself. Is loving our self only self involved or does it takes the goodness and loving acts of others to make the circle complete? Does it go without saying that loving our self is the most important relationship in our life? Like all relationships, it takes time, patience and an extra thick wallet and it will undoubtedly be worth every bit of effort in the end.

How do you love yourself?

One Word

In a book I am reading, there is a small portion that talks of choosing a word to define/sum up something. Example: New York = Achieve, Vodka = Pleasurable. As I read on, I pondered what word I would choose for myself. Sometime has passed since I've read from the page in the book and I still can't rightly decide what one word could define all that I am. Hungry popped into my head. No, not cheesecake hungry but hungry, eager for all that life has to offer. Hunger for love, a good life, happiness, wealth, wisdom, knowledge, closeness, forgiveness, losing hurt and most of all peace within myself.

What one word would you choose to define all that you are and all that wish you to become?

Sunday Stealing - The Green Meme

My first time to "steal" along...

1. What is your current obsession? Seasons past of Sex and the City.

2. What's a good coffee place? Personally, any Starbucks but the break room of where I work usually has a good crowd around 7 am.

3. Who was the last person you hugged? Danny.

4. Do you nap a lot? I like to nap on Saturday & Sunday between the hours of 1pm-4pm.

5. Tonight, what's for dinner? Dinner was "out" tonight - Outback Steak House.

6. What was the last thing you bought? Dinner - out.

7. What is your favorite weather? Super cold & rainy.

8. Tell us something about one blogger who will play this week. I am gonna go out way out on a limb and pick Rich...and the man loves an evening cocktail.

9. If you were given a free house that was full furnished, where in the world would you like it to be? Next to, in front of or behind my parent's home.

10. Name three things you could not live without. My mother, handbags, kisses on the forehead.

11. What would you like in your hands right now? Someone special.

12. What's one of your guilty pleasures? Nikki Sixx

13. What would you change or eliminate about yourself? Self doubt, believing I am the cause of so many problems.

14. As a child, what type of career did you want? Lawyer, truck driver, country music singer...I know, I know.

15. What are you missing right now? Someone special.

16. What are you currently reading? The Bitch in the House.

17. What do you fear the most? Hell.

18. What's the best movie you've seen recently? P.S. I Love You.

19. What's your favorite book from the past year? The Heroine Diaries & The Dirt

20. Is there still a comfort food from your childhood that you still enjoy? Hunts Chocolate Pudding Snack Packs & fried chicken.

Look What I Found

Early in the AM, I was trying to decipher a dream for a friend. As I was thumbing through my dream book, 1,001 Dreams, I found a piece of paper with this written on it:

My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived,
But I forget what is behind,
And I struggle for what is ahead.

Lord, help me to give to you those things I need to get over. Really give them to you, then let go and get over them today. Amen.

I had forgotten I had written this in a very low point in my life and tucked it away several years ago. Today I needed a little something and look what I have found....

Post - Do Over

Once upon a time in a life long ago, someone told me they admired me because I wasn't afraid of anything. Today, older but really none the wiser, I realize I am afraid. I am afraid of many things such as:

1. Spiders
2. Heights
3. Not being loved
4. Wearing white after Labor Day
5. Losing my teeth
6. Not getting into Heaven
7. Bad Chinese
8. Public speaking
9. My mother dying
10. Meeting Nikki Sixx and not knowing I have spinach in my teeth (actually anything other than his tongue would be a tragedy.)
11. Stone washed jeans returning to the world of fashion
12. Living my life without forgiveness for the people I have hurt or not being able to forgive the people who have hurt me

With age comes many things into our life and one of those things that is coming for me is the ability to be more careful and more insightful before I open my mouth, my heart or my hand.

Orignally posted - September '08 - Scaredy Cat