Sing Along Time

A little twangy but I like it.

Looking back
At the dead ends and the detours
All I can do is long for a straighter line
Yeah, I was lost
I had no way of knowin'
Where the twists and turns were goin'
But sometimes, just gotta let the road wind

Could it have been easier?
Yeah
A little smoother ride
Maybe so
But lying here with you
Would I change one thing 'bout that road?
No

I believe
Things happen for a reason
Even though you might not see it
At the time
Cause' now I know
Every plan that came unraveled
Every crooked path I traveled in my life
Led me here to your side

Could it have been easier?
Yeah
A little smoother ride
Maybe so
But lying here with you
Would I change one thing 'bout that road?
No

Yeah, I finally found you...

No ~~ Jason Aldean

All Rise....

For the Honorable Heff. Judge Heff, with Baliff Donna by his side, who bowed out of a somewhat limelight gracefully 4 months ago has just announced his comeback tour. Welcome back you Nikki Sixx lovin' dirty ol' fuck.

Here Pup-Pup!

While its true that some consider our dogs part of our family or even our children when is too much too much?

Weddings for dogs?

60% of your clothing features likenesses of your beloved canines?

If someone speaks of a real child & another chimes in with the same story regarding a dog?

If someone speaks of a human death & the only association you can make is that of a pup?

Don't get me wrong folks and remember I am childless but...I have dogs and I love, love those cutie patooties but I know where to draw the line(at least in public). If someone talks about their kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews or some other version of a little people and because I don't have any of these I simply but out of the conversation.

Is It Wrong? (just two more)

Team blogs. Is blogging so hard that it takes more than one person to put down their own ideals and opinions? I thought blogging was a sort of independent thought itself?

Political blogs. Yes, I voted. No I don't understand every platform. I can not tell you the difference between liberal vs. conservative other than in my mind liberal means very open minded & conservative means you play your cards close the vest & you aren't wasteful. Both are probably wrong. Republican vs. Democrat? I don't even know where to start. Seems like everyone got on some type of bandwagon this year albeit political or college football fanaticism. Everyone rode the Obama train & all the others rode the cruise ship into Alaska.

Another example - fashion. Maybe its because the media really emphasizes Herve Lager classic styles or the utmost importance of a Louis Vuitton speedy bag. Who really of the middle class working folk knew who Mr. Blahnik was before Sex and the City? I get the idea of wearing brand name clothing. Otherwise how would you achieve popularity in middle or high school?

There was a time when politics and religion were considered rude topics. There was a time when you would never ask someone where they got something or how much something cost because it also considered rude. But there has always been a time when we judged people based on their clothing, political stance and college football choice which is a form of rudeness all it's own.

Are we just rude people?

Deep Thought of the Day

“What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?” ~~ Jack Handy

Man Candy Monday

Yes, I do feel like a pedophile.

I Call Bullshit

All women, well maybe not all, the vast majority of us has someone in our life called a gynecologist. In short, the gyno cops a feel and makes it to third base without even buying you a drink.

Anyway. I called my GYN today to make an appointment for my annual check up. Previous to the phone call today I had called in November 2009 to schedule something in January 2010. The pleasant voice on the other line told me because I had visited in March 2009 that an annual visit in January 2010 might not be covered by my insurance because it had not been 12 months. Ok. I'll call in January for March, so I thought. The first available appointment is July 20, 2010. A full 6 months away. Can you believe that shit?

Oh one more thing - I called the office number & this is what I hear "If you are in labor please press 7"....wow.

Sacrifice

I am not part of a religion that practices lent but because I am nosey at best, I like to find out what others give up for self-denial. Most people I know give up some type of alcohol consumption. Good thing my religion doesn't practice lent, but if it did and I were a practicing "lenter" I'd give up one the following:

Work
Rocket Science
Double-flushing
Tea & crumpets

What are you giving up?

Man Candy Monday

I've been a little lax of late with the ogling of pecks, dimples & non-receding hairlines. To redeem myself of my absence I give you...



Enjoy.

Happy Valentine's Day

“Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.” ~~ Samuel Lover

Ode to My Mother

On a day in 1955 a baby girl was born. That baby girl was my mother and that day is today, February 12th.
So this is for the birthday girl.

*Choose Your Own Title

I must be the most cynical and miserable person in the world --- newborn baby blogs? Cat blogs? Crafty blogs? Am I that bitter or just plain ol' boring? Millions of blogs and I have a found a handful that I can bare to stomach. What the fuck? I am friends with cat lovers and quilters. However, I choose not to become friends with people who have children and the people I do consider friends who do have children, well I am never around their kids. People who have children tend to lose themselves(hey, my blog, my opinion) in carpooling, homework, baseball, gymnastics, after school care, tee-ball practice, chicken nuggets & juice boxes. My mother was very um, around in my childhood but I walked to school (for real), I coordinated my own travel to volleyball, softball, football games and practices from age 10 to 17. I cleaned my own room. I took care of the material things I had. I ate what was put before me. I went to bed at 8:00 PM even when I was a senior in high school. I was spanked as a younger child and when I got older my parents resorted to "talking" and "grounding". My parents set restrictions and rules - I followed them with no feet stomping, breathe holding episodes. If I fucked up, I accepted the punishment.

What has happened to the parents of today? "If you do that one more time" turns into12 more times. Time outs? Rolling in the floor? Noodle body?

I guess I am not a parent because I'd probably end up in jail for child abuse.

Please, please point me in the direction of interesting reads - humor, drug abuse, confessionals, hoarders, shop-a-holics, alcoholics, posts that make you cry and those that make you feel good. I'll be waiting.

Random Thoughts 16

Training bra. Why is it called a training bra?

Snack. Fun to say. Fun to eat. Oh snack, did you eat that?

I think I have a mild obession with the Kennedy family...

The Kennedy's (Jack, Bobby, Ted, John Jr.) possibly have the most perfect sets of teeth I've seen that look untouched by dental correcting - toothy, straight & white.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler

It's that time of year - when chaos & debauchery is led in the streets by drunken, masked marauders. When people wrestle over plastic strings of pearls & the token peanut butter moon pie. When the words "Hey Mister, throw me something" rolls off the tongues of everyone lining the parade route. When you learn just what the magical qualities of "jungle juice" are. When toothless wonders and "old money" stand side by side swilling mass quantities of Bud Light. When colors of purple, green and gold are hanging from every balcony, covering bodies of the young and old. A culture shock for some and traditions for others. A true sight to behold and a hangover to experience.

"I have trouble explaining to out-of-towners why people here spend $1,000 to wear a mask so no one knows who they are, and then give away things to people they've never met. But I guess it's an opportunity for everybody to play Santa Claus. That's at the heart of it." ~ Arthur Hardy

Mobile isn't New Orleans but it is the same grand ol' party.

Laissez les bon temps rouler! ~~ Let the good times roll!

Every Day Use

I often use words & I know what they mean but don't know the exact definition of them...so this morning three words came to mind:

Shallow - 1. of little depth; not deep
2. lacking depth; superficial

Shrewd - 1. astute or sharp in practical matters
2. keen; piercing

Mealy Mouth - No back-bone. Passive. Submissive. Perceived as a "sweet" person. A term mostly applied to women (by other women) who will neither engage in straight conversation nor take action.

Frank - direct and unreserved in speech; straightforward; sincere

I don't think I've ever called anyone shallow but I have swam in shallow water.

I have never really used the word shrewd & for some reason when I think of this word
I think of Elizabeth Taylor.

Well I can't say I've used mealy mouth either but I heard Scarlett O'Hara use it once. "You'd rather live with that silly little fool who can't open her mouth except to say "yes" or "no" and raise a passel of mealy-mouthed brats just like her."

Can I be frank? Well, frankly I've probably never used it either. Forever I thought it meant can I be Frank? Like a famous Frank - Frank Sinatra or Frankenstein.

You feel smarter now, don't you?

Words

We all have a our own vocabulary. Catalogs of words that make us fill up with some exuberant zeal. Some are fun to say, some to feel and some to have. My over zealous catalog includes these:

Fendi
Love
Dior
Puppies
Vodka
Googootz
Cock
Dollar(s)
Forever
Gabagool
Mama
Buzz
Fate
Smooch
Wal-Mart

And there are some words that make me cringe and I try to use sparingly:

Mole
Fart
Overdrawn
Medication
Cavity
Wrinkle
Old
5:00 AM
Pelvic Exam
Fat
Wal-Mart

Your turn...

Medicinal Purposes?

I am not a connoisseur but more of a novice when it comes to recreational drug use. I don't use drugs - illegal, prescription - for two reasons: I have an addictive personality and my so called "deep pockets" are reserved for handbag purchases only. I did no research of my own regarding Ambien, I thought I would get all the answers I needed from other blogging geniuses. What triggered this post are two verses to two different songs listed below:

The city never sleeps,
better slip you an Ambien ~~ Empire State of Mind, Jay-Z w/Alicia Keys

Red wine and Ambien
You're talking shit again ~~ John Mayer, Heartbreak Warfare

Now do tell me closet users how do you take your Ambien?

Is It Wrong (I know, one more thing & will it ever stop)

Cooking blogs, home-cooking housewife blogs or blogs in which the authors refer to themselves as Foodies. I get it, really I do. People love to cook. People love to eat. But after watching Julie & Julia - the blockbuster movie involving a girl named Julie Powell who cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking - 524 recipes in 365 days via the blogosphere, I am sure this movie has inspired 100's maybe 1000's of non-blogging self made chef & cheffettes to "blog on" to the cyber world in search of FAME & FORTUNE while trying to become the MacGuyer's of three ingredient recipes. Well good luck you do-gooder's but remember - you're not the leader, you're the follower. Bon Appetit.

*Editor's note ~~ I don't really dislike every blog other than mine. Mine has no rhyme and reason unlike the others I have "dissed" - their content is consistent. Alas, it is a free country which entitles me to free speech so I can whine and disagree as I see fit.

Non-Typical Post

I never tell the world what I do on a daily basis but..here goes:

I had to make an impromptu doctor visit this morning. I went to a local urgent care center. Upon entering the lobby I was greeted by a non too happy administrative assistant. Ok, I get it, it's Monday. I am asked to fill out the appropriate paperwork since I am a new patient and let me just add - I write incredibly legibly if I do so say so myself. I turn in the paper work & write a check for my co-pay - $35.00. "She" takes my check & I inquire about a receipt. "She" replies "normally, I don't give any out". Um, ok. So I guess since I asked she decided to a bigger smart ass than me & give me one. The amount shown paid $25 (wrong) and my city of residence Billingsley (wrong). I point out the mistakes & "she" says I entered what you had written down. I respond with the correct information & also point to my driver license which would match the paperwork in question or so I thought. I guess cross referencing is an out-dated secretarial practice.

Moving right along into the exam room. Doctor enters room, shakes my hand & immediately says "you aren't 15". I said "ohh, there was a time"....