Monday, January 14, 2013

Bitch Session & the Like

**Warning: Long Post**
Have any of you ever questioned your existence as in "I wish I had never been born" or "what am I doing"?  This is me today.  We've all envisioned our life in how we wanted it to be, who we would be.  I can say with 100% certainty the life I am living is not the life I wanted.  What I wanted was a great job, not to be rich but comfortable, married, living in some big city & living a big city life.  Well, I do love my job, I am not rich & not really comfortable, not married, living in the country and living a semi-country life. I share a home with my man friend & I am a co-parent to his 3 children who we have for 7 days on & 7 days off. I do have their best interest at heart whether they know it or not.  None are grateful for anything I do for them unless its in the moment when they want something then there is gratitude shown.  I am sure they aren't grateful because I am not their mother who is in all honesty is a piece of white trash.  She has always been & will always be.  She lies, manipulates, quotes scripture on Facebook and plays the pathetic card almost always. She bought for the 13 year old daughter Victoria's Secret lacy boy shorts & a push up bra.  I was floored - its not cute, its inappropriate.  What is a 13 year old girl supposed to do with provocative under garments? 

I was an entirely different bird than any of the kids & I can't understand why.  Why can't I understand?  Because they were & still are young enough to be shown the right way to do things, to be proud and to take a little pride in themselves.  To understand that it takes this much money to this & that much more to do that.  At our house they have their own rooms, closets, clothes, toys, TV's.  We eat dinner out once a week. Every Monday night upon their return is steak night (which they beg for).  I do their laundry & clean their bathroom.  Do any of you have any idea of how many dirty clothes there are at the end of the day with 3 kids & 2 adults? At their mom's they have to share a room, are sleeping on mattresses on the floor & eat frozen lasagna.  I realize I am trying to undo years of what their mother & father has shown them & its frustrating. I thought when you knew better, you did better?

I have a touch of OCD or at least I think I do.  I can't work around clutter or filth.  I can't go to bed when I know something has to be done.  I sweep, swiffer & do laundry every day.  I dust & clean bathrooms once a week. We have 3 dogs & that means more cleaning.  I get so overwhelmed & I get overwhelmed easily. 

Taking out trash, doing homework, getting a shower/bath, uniforms, field trips, cheer leading, $2 for this, $5 for that, lunches, feeding dogs, feeding cats, taking medicine, wallowing on furniture,  brushing teeth, brushing hair, wearing shoes, laziness, slamming doors, making beds, loading the dishwasher, unloading the dishwasher, putting away clean clothes, rinsing out the sink, flushing the toilet, washing hands ---- it is an unending saga & I have no smart way of dealing with it all.

I asked the 13 year old girl last night was California a city or state - she didn't know the answer.  The body language, bad skin, playing games on her phone during school (I suggested to her father that maybe she shouldn't take her phone to school. He paid no attention to me), not paying attention in class, not really caring about grades, unorganized, laziness, not picking up a piece of paper on the floor when you walk by it, throwing tissue paper  beside the bathroom garbage can instead of in it,  - it makes me overly insane.  Is it just me? Do any of you feel this way?

Should I run?  Will it get better?  What can I do to be a better influence in their lives? Are my expectations out of reach - to have productive, positive, grateful little people?  Or ------ am I just a bitch who has no inkling of how the world really works?

My life is a pathetic glimpse of someone else's reality. And....yes, this morning, I thought to myself "I wish I had never been born".




I always say that when children are urchins like this it is the parents fault and it seems like their dad is setting no better example than the mother. Typical in today's overly-inulgent parents.

That said, children are usually equally ungrateful to their actual parents, so it is not always simply because you;re a step.That's a hell of a lot of investment for you for kids that are not yours, and likely they also de-motivate you,by their presence alone, to have your own kids. Not good. You have to ask yourself if this man is a lifetime partner and if you will one day reap the benefits of co-raising these kids when you're older and your time comes that you need some assistance from them. Will they be grateful ,in the future,with maturity,an upon reflection, for all your efforts? If you don't think so[see first statement] then I would bail on him,on them and carve out the kind of life I DO want.

It doesn't seem like it would be any more work or stress if you were to go it alone as a single parent of your own child where the rewards will be greater.

Your man should be reigning those kids in more an making them show you more respect,but when they don't teach theirs kids such things, then it says a lot about them too. :(

Red Shoes said...

The cynic in me says that it won't get better.

I agree with Uber... the father should be reigning them in... not you.

I'm happy with what I do for a living... I wish I made more $$$... I wish I had a nicer house... I would love to be married again some day...



The Bug said...

The behavior you describe is one of the reasons I never wanted children of my own :) And it's rampant - just the other night my husband was practically in tears talking about how hard it is to be a college professor today. The kids Just Don't Care. And if they DO care they don't have the tools they need to succeed. He has maybe two students a year who get it. Very disheartening. So he would probably thank you for trying to stick with these kids & being the best influence you can be.

But I agree with Uber too - your man friend should be together with you on this, not turning a bling eye. If you ever did have kids with him wouldn't you want his support?

Red Shoes said...

Re: Bug... your husband teaches? I teach at a small Mississippi university and these students have this great entitlement mentality.

You are right... maybe one or two get it... the rest think they deserve it, or simply just don't care.

I got to travel to several universities in Germany and the Netherlands this past summer. Their students are so much better prepared than our American students are.


Kimberly said...

Uber - I never really wanted my own children which is a huge suprise to people or was a huge surprise when they found out my man friend had 3.

I don't know what to do or how to handle it.

As far as having someone take care of me in my older years --- I don't know who will do it. People don't change easily if they change at all.

Shoes - At least your honest.

Bug - Parents are afraid to parent & I don't know why. My man friend is involved in their life but my troubles seem to be unimportant to him. He really doesn't see how much I do & what I have sacrificed to attempt a life with him.

Heff said...


That is all.

The Bug said...

I kind of agree with Heff :)

Red Shoes - he teaches at a small Ohio university. Basically, he's the history department.

Kim - I'm sorry your man friend is clueless. And if he's clueless & not even interested in GETTING a clue then I probably think he doesn't love you enough & you should get out of there. Would he pay attention if you told him that you will probably have to leave if there aren't changes (or at least support from him)?


Whilst I can understand you not wanting to have children, you have all the negatives of having them without the long term benefits. You may as well have had your own and would fare better if you did.

That said, why are you with a man who has 3 kids who swallow up so much of your life energy if you did not want kids?

Ditch.them.all! :)

Miss Stormy Marples said...

Be strong. U might be the only "positive" woman in their life. It will make a differnce. I have a stepmom whom I love. A half-sister I adore. I did raise myself though. But my stepmom is a wonderful example. I am closer to her than I am to my own family at times. How about that--

Remain true to urself and maybe just maybe the "children" will remember and u will be their role model.

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