What is your personal value?

Happy Halloween !

For your CREEPY PLEASURE...don't go out alone.

Budweiser Gives Me A Headache

Ok, I often think of just weird stuff because I hang aroud all of you weird people. My thought today was what if my place of employment was sucked into some sort of worm hole and there was no way out. Doors, windows, everything sealed. Every employee was then trapped in here at the same time, about 50 people, 46 males, 4 females.

On our warehouse floor is 130,000 cases of beer X 24 units per case = 3,120,000 cans/bottles of beer. There is one shower in the entire 30,000 square footage which happens to be in the men's bathroom. One men's bathroom with 2 stalls, one women's bathroom with one stall and one unisex bathroom with one stall. Eight offices, one break room, lobby, driver's check up room and one hospitality room - enough space so everyone could have a little privacy. I figured 50 people in the beginning would consume more than normal hooch to get through the shock of being locked in - 14 cases a day = 6.72 beers per person for the first 3 days. Of course there would be some who didn't drink at all. After the craziness settled down and normal routines were in place, the consumption would be down to 7 - 10 cases per day or 3-5 beers per person still remembering there would be a couple who didn't drink beer but were consuming water that we sell.

So assuming men could live by beer alone - 3,120,000 cans/bottles of beer would last 35 years. Can you believe that?

This Just In....

Pleasantly plump ladies earn 6% less than leaner ones, even if they are doing the exact same jobs.

If life wasn't already hard enough we now have to be thin to get the dead presidents? I sort of get it, its unfortunate but I do. Men often say they like gals with meat on their bones but when it comes to the nut cutting they want a skinny minnie and lets face it ladies there are more men in charge than women.

We are taught at an early age that fat is ugly and displeasurable. I'll never be a size 2, 4 or 6. I am not genetically wired for it. I am slightly above average in height and my bone structure is not petite. No, no, I am not making excuses for myself, I am stating the straight up truth. While I'd love to be a size 4 so my lover could sling me around the room it is just not going to happen while there is a hint of breathe in my body. There was a time spanning ten years or so where I was pretty conscious of everything I did to my body and some of those things were not healthy no matter what I tell myself. My lowest weight ever was 130lbs which allowed me to hang around a size 6 for a little while but I think the pants were sized wrong. While at this weight, mi familia told me that I looked sickly, gaunt and I just reveled in those little notations. I had achieved a significant weight loss in just a couple of months - no dark sodas, gallons of water, miles of walking, eating but a pinch here or a pinch there and then gladly treking to the bathroom and purging. No folks, its not glamourous but oh how did it work.

Now, if I tried any of the above now, I would probably harm or maim most everyone I know. When I don't eat boy do I get cranky so to save the world any heartache or chaos I just eat as I see fit.

I just read an article about a Dallas, TX woman who had thrown her two sons off an overpass because God told her to do it to save them from Satan. She didn't get sentenced to death because she was determined to be mentally ill. Uh-huh.

I am sorry if this doesn't affect me in any sort of way other than when the fire gets hot "people" always claim some sort of mental deficiency and I call bull shit.

"I shot my husband because I was crazy after eating bat shit". No death sentence. We'll let the tax payers take care of you.

"I ate my dog & drowned my kids in the washing machine because I had my period". No death sentence. We'll let tax payers take care of you.

BULL SHIT.

WTF?

Cable TV is expensive & it is one luxury I will not do without. I pay a monthly fortune for it & I don't have one issue with that. Now, here in Mobile our cable provider is Comcast who I love dearly because of the On Demand feature. As I was scrolling through the prompts:

~~ On Demand
~~ Premium Channels
~~ HBO
~~ Series

I COULD NOT FIND SEX AND THE CITY

So, I went through the prompts again.

I STILL COULD NOT FIND SEX AND THE CITY

I turned the TV/Cable off. On. Off. On.

I went through the prompts again, checking every other series to see if it were stuck somewhere it shouldn't be.

Are any of you seeing the severity of this situation? Anyone? Seeing?

Good.

The series has been temporarily removed, hopefully, temporarily after I called the local Comcast office & cried to the other person on the phone. Now before any of you fabulous people say something silly like "just buy them on DVD", I already have every season on DVD but On Demand requires that only I press one button & I don't have to change out anything and before any of you call the cast dirty whores or old chicks that need to get a life please understand that this show, all 6 seasons, all 94 episodes and both movies have made me happy, sad, inspired and pleasantly drunk on many, many Friday nights.

Today, tonight or whenever you are asking the Man upstairs for a small favor - think of sweet little ol' me & ask Him to zap the people at Comcast Central and put the series back where it belongs - HBO/On Demand.

Thank you for your support.

Christmas is coming! Funny how, not really, how it sneaks up on us so quickly. Oh but how I do love the delightful holiday season, but really, after Labor Day and Summer's End, we tip toe over Halloween and poor ol' Thanksgiving doesn't have a shot in hell before the aisles of every store are saturated with colors of silver, gold and green.

My life is moving at the speed of sound these days. My days melt into months. I can barely catch my breath and I surely have no time for myself, not as I use to and at what cost? I have no kids, no husband, I am not civically active and I keep my family at arm's length, I have just one job so why am I stretched so thin? I could say I am a miserable and tired but I am neither. I am just floating and hoping I don't land before that fantastic breeze carries me to where I wish to go.

I once heard someone say "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special". I don't know if I agree with this or not.

Two-thousand and ten is on her way out and quickly. What have you accomplished?

I know, oh how do I know but Jon Bon Jovi was in town Friday night. Jon and I have a long lasting friendship - one that started around 1986 and I couldn't let him come to the Gulf Coast and not be a proper hostess.

Adult Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

Sorry I've been scarce. Frankly I don't know how the lot of you all got along without me. Since Nikki came into town a couple of weekends ago, well lets just say I've been extra busy. He is gone now and I suppose life will continue on.