The Bridal Shower

We've all been to one. Some of us have had one. I am talking about bridal showers. I attended one yesterday. A good ole fashioned Sunday afternoon, shrimp salad, non-alcoholic pink sherbert punch bridal shower. I only attended because my mother asked me to go. We arrive in our sassy dresses & sassy shoes. Best smile and best foot forward. Greeted at the door by someone we didn't know. Stood beside more people we didn't know. Then we see the bride to be, we hug. While I hug her - I wanted to whisper to her - you are too young, live a little you before you give up you to become a we and there is a over 50% chance you'll get a divorce. But of course I held my tongue and just smiled. We ate the bridal shower fare and then were ushered to a larger room where the bride to be would open her gifts. Before any gift opening begins, each of us has to introduce ourselves to everyone else. Finally, she opens the gifts. The very first gift she opens is from me. The second from my mother Hallujeiah! I thought to myself, we can leave now! We came, we saw, we smiled and we gave. Of course that didn't happen. I had to sit through the oooohing and ahhhhing of towels, a garter, picture frames and of course the grand finale - place settings of china. Every gift I had to see her open just reminded me of what I didn't have. Not materially but emotionally. The bride was so happy and everyone around was happy for her. Everyone but me. At one point I thought I was going to cry but I bit my lip and thought about the vodka waiting for me at home. Will I ever be happy celebrating milestones such as these for other people?

Today

If today were the last day of your life, would you do what you are going to do today?

My Number, Your Number

Do we even have a number?

Do you ever wonder how we skirted a tragic event? We made it through Katrina and Ivan unscathed. What about the recent tornados and floods? Again, we were lucky but some were not so lucky. Do we ever give thanks for it not having been us that were washed away or sucked into the sky? Doubtful. Maybe there is a greater need for us here on earth? Will we ever know what our need is or if we are fulfilling it now? It is very doubtful that my time here on Earth will be spent as a great ruler or leader. But, I would like to think my time here will be large in the grand scheme of things. Large along the lines of a back street Broadway play, not as in Times Square but maybe a borough, like Flatbush. Maybe I will be a wonderful mother to my equally wonderful children. Maybe I will lead the masses into a huge housecleaning revolution, after all cleanliness is next to Godliness. Or, maybe I'll become a Wal-Mart greeter and actually greet everyone with a smile and a happy face sticker. I wish us all well with finding our place in the world and I hope we are all great at what we do.

**Sigh**

Early this morning I was flipping through the TV channels and found a music video I'd never seen. The song is All The Same and the band is Sick Puppies. The video shows a man, who resembles a cross between Shooter Jennings & Jesus, holding a sign that reads "Free Hugs". Crowds are walking by giving him the "WTF is up with that" look. A small, older lady reads his sign, walks toward him, he then bends down and they hug. So begins the domino effect of hugging strangers & he ends up with over 7,000 strange hugs. The video fueled my head for the day.

There is an email that floats through our in-boxes at least twice a year and in the body of the email is a couple of inspirational quotes "be kind to everyone because you never know what type of struggle they are facing" & "smile, its the best accessory you have". I am not always kind and I do not always smile. Usually when neither of those are happening its because my meal is being interrupted by a small child with lungs of an Olympic swimmer or someone is talking very loudly on a cell phone. Me, being the ever so wickedly insightful person, assumes the child is a spoiled brat and the phone call is some type of "hook-up". Chances are I am 70% wrong 100% of the time. The child might be sick, tired or both and the cell phone talker may be receiving some tragic news. Shouldn't everyone I make eye contact with be deserving of a smile or a kind word? How about a wink of the eye or the peace sign? If each of us took the extra second to go the extra mile, we might just be able to save the world. You never know what a compliment or a grin might do for someone. It may lift their spirits or it might be just the encouragement they were looking for to rob the bank. I believe it is a chance worth taking...so go hug someone!

Monday. Again.

Two glorious days of doing nothing behind me catapults me into a new week. How pathetic are you when you just long for Thursday afternoon because you know Friday is just beyond the horizon? I often refer to Thursday as Friday Eve. It gives it the zing that it often lacks. Sunday morning comes and I cringe because I know in less than 24 hours the work will begin. How can one loathe the work week so much at the ripe and zesty age of 33? Again, who said lets work five days and take two off? Its not that my calling card for the weekend is full of parties or entertaining. As a matter of fact, this weekend was very low-key. The weather was nasty and it was Father's Day. Not to say that Father's Day is not something to look forward too but if you include church, Sunday lunch and the travel time its a whole day. I shopped with my grandmother and mother all day Saturday. Might I add, I am not a shopper. When I am heading to a store I know exactly what I am looking for. I know its crazy - a chick who doesn't care for shopping. I would imagine if men read this, I would have a line of them wrapped around my neighborhood waiting to ask for my hand in marriage. We began the shopping excursion at 9:17 am and finished around 4:17 pm. Do the math folks - thats 7 hours. I did manage to squeeze in a nap late Sunday afternoon. I love napping. It was my second career choice over beer. Beer obviously won. If napping had won I wouldn't be whining about working 5 days a week. There's no whining in napping! With that said, Is It Friday Yet?

You Speak Good English

Its Saturday evening. My beloved (Junior) and I have decided to go out for dinner. First we pondered the Blue Gill. As we neared the restaurant we changed our minds and decided to ride further East and head to Stix for a little hibachi and sushi action. We are sat at a table for 10 and so far we are the only two. A few minutes later another couple joined us. I find it uncomfortable that your food is cooked along with other peoples right in front of you. I've barely made eye contact with these people and their chicken is touching my chicken? The nerve. At another hibachi table next to us sits a larger group of people. One in the group is an older man probably early 50's. Island shirt, loafers, shorts, teeth, he looks normal. Junior is sitting at the corner end of our table and 50's man is sitting at the corner end of his table. So basically they are side by side. Junior and I are eating our dinner, minding our own business when 50's man says "Hey Big Daddy, where you from?". The reply, "Texas". 50's man then says "You speak good English". At this point the chicken I was chewing got lodged in my throat. For those of you who do not know, Junior is 100% Mexican. The proper term would be Mexican American as he was born in West Texas, U.S.A. He does speak Spanish but only when provoked with road rage or speaking to his father, who was born in Mexico but has been in the U.S.A. for 35 years or better. Junior has no accent of distinction and certainly not a Hispanic one. He has as much of a Hispanic accent as Les Nessman from WKRP in Cincinatti does. 50's man then says "You speak real good English, you should come work for me". Junior laughed. 50's man said something like "all the Mexicans that work for me know one word, de niro". Junior laughed again. 50's man said it one more time "You sure do speak good English". Junior repsonded again "its because I am from TEXAS". At this point I am stunned. Because you look a certain way people assume you would sound or speak a certain way? Unless it were the obvious such as a cat barking or a dog meowing shouldn't that comment be kept to yourself? Now, if a man with no teeth, an Old Milwaukee in hand with a tattoo of Yosemite Sam waving a #3 flag at monster truck rally said in a very proper English accent "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" we would know that all laws of nature had been broken. In the future I will not be so quick to judge a book by its cover.

Things I Do When I Am Home Alone

1. Watch cartoons.
2. Walk around with my eyes closed and pretend I am blind.
3. Cry.
4. Drink evening cocktails in fancy schmancy glasses.
6. Do my Mae West imitation.
7. Tease my hair & put on lots of make up and pretend I am a groupie at
a Motley Crue concert.
8. Practice my written vows for my marriage to Nikki Sixx.
9. Make my Top Ten lists of favorite movies, people, songs, handbags.
10. Practice my beauty pagent walk (turn, pretty feet & smile)
11. Do cheers from my days as a Chief mascot. (Chiefs! Say it again! Chiefs! Let's go! Blue! Say it again! Blue! Gold! Say it again! Gold! Let's go!)
12. Pray & forgive.

Where Does the Time Go?

As I am getting older, I realize things go faster. Birthdays come more quickly, ice cream melts faster, Monday morning is here before Friday evening can even get started and a tank of gas is gone in 3 days. Shouldn't things go slower as we get older because in truth - we all get slower as we get older? I think about next year's Christmas gifts while I am opening the current year's. Remember as a kid - it took forever for Christmas morning to arrive. Counting down the calendar was impossible because you couldn't count that high. I thought I would never make it to senior graduation. When I realized the year I would graduate (1992) somewhere around the 6th grade (1986) I thought I would die. How could I survive school another 6 years? I have now been out of high school for 16 years. How is that possible? What have I done with my life for the past 16 years? When I bought my first "off the lot" brand new car it took 3 days to get everything in order to drive it off the lot. Those 3 days lasted forever. Why I couldn't wait, I didn't know then. Now, I can drive it off the lot the same day and I realize I'll just be making a larger payment sooner and signing a portion of my income away for another 5-7 years. In one toss of the coin my dogs went from sweet, darling babies to mouthy teenagers who know it all. I've been at my current job in total for 10 years - in the industry for 12 years. I just bet those numbers make you think I am older than I am. I guess I got a good head start. But in truth I am at an age where another chapter of my life will begin sooner than later (of course). Maybe this year will bring news of a baby or a career change. That will probably spin my life into some quantum leap. The only thing slow about my life is trying to lose the next 10 lbs.