Hello, 911, What Is Your Emergency?

The following are actual events that took place at my home during the hours of 1:20 am - 2:20 am on November 4, 2009:

Dog barks.
Doorbell rings.
Boyfriend says "our door bell rang".
I say "no it didn't".
Five minutes pass.
Doorbell rings and rings.
All four dogs go into frenzy, then into sniper mode - including the one who is mostly deaf.
Boyfriend gets out of bed & grabs his gun. That's right a G.U.N.
He walks to the dining room.
I walk to the living room.
Boyfriend says "don't open the front door".
I say "you don't open the front door".
I peek thru the blinds of the living room window. I see a woman standing on our porch. I say "I have no idea who that is".
For whatever reason we decide to open the door. The lady is the girlfriend of the dude who lives across the street.
She says "Josh won't give me my keys, he is drunk & he threatening to punch out my lights".
I say "what the fuck".
I go back in to get my wits about me.
I return to the front porch & tell her to use my phone. She comes in, is mumbling and is scared.
Josh arrives.
Another neighbor who also had ding dong ditch'em played on him arrives.
Josh is laughing & I tell him this is not funny.
He beckons for his girlfriend to come outside. She won't. She has called the PoPo.
Boyfriend tells Josh to go & get her keys and let her leave. He goes & then returns with them. Looks like he is going to throw them through the glass door at her. But the boyfriend intervenes.
Josh tells the girlfriend "when they(the PoPo) show up, if they take me away, I will deal with you later".
PoPo shows up. Stories are told. Girlfriend refers to Josh as an ex-boyfriend & Josh says "oh, so you are breaking up with me now". PoPo says to Josh "you have two choices 1. go home & don't come back out 2. You can take a ride downtown."
Girlfriend leaves. Cop leaves. Neighbor leaves. We go back to bed.
Another cop shows up at our house. Boyfriend tells him what went down. Cop sees my Longhorn t-shirt & they start talking about football.