Tips Of Her Fingers

Once upon a time in a placed filled with debauchery and chaos there was a girl, Stacy, who lived a big hair dream. The big hair dream involved black hair dye, lots of Aqua Net and the desire for a man with the name of Sixx. One day the box office opened and tickets for a grand gala went on sale. As Stacy sold her favorite leather pants autographed by Yngwie Malsteen and her fanciest skull ring, she stood in line to purchase tickets for the grand gala. While in line she met another girl, Tracy, vying for the love of the man with the name of Sixx. As they both approached the front of the box office line the competitiveness grew. They each began to tease their hair to the heavens, apply more black eyeliner and expose their Too Fast For Love tattoos. Just as they were about to close in on the front of the line Stacy quickly pointed in the opposite direction and shouted "Vince Neil!", Tracy unknowing this act of trickery looked in that direction as she did that Stacy bolted to the ticket office window and purchased the last front row concert seat available. Tracy, clearly unhappy, began to spew obscenities at Stacy and tear at her fish net stockings exposing an entire body tattoo of the man with the name of Sixx. Stacy smiled smugly and said "girl, don't go away mad, girl just go away" as she crawled into her 1981 Trans Am and sped off.

Resist This

I was listening to a song and one verse in this particular song suddenly stood out to me "there are somethings in life you should resist". Quickly the wheels began to turn. What in our lives should we resist? Drugs, sex and rock n roll because they all could lead to much darker situations? Because their the devil's hands? Bad advice which from my experience is always taken over the good? Pass on the extra gravy and have another helping of the bland veggies? Finding temptation is never hard due to the fact it finds me but resisting said temptation is when the brow really begins to sweat. When you think about it, most things we enjoy are sinful and we knowingly enjoy them over and over, never minding the price we may have to pay later. Why is being bad so much easier than being good? Example: being fat is so much easier than being skinny and we all know that gluttony is a sin, but we continually shovel in bite after bite because it tastes good, feels good. Another area where restraint should be practiced is bad relationships. Even if there is one inkling the person might be detrimental to our health, we throw caution to the wind and head right on in. Why not? Its all about living in the moment right? Why do we not protect ourselves as we should? Is resistance the same as perseverance or is perseverance the same as no resistance? Either way, its a crap shoot, just roll the dice.

Romeo, Romeo...

Is it wrong that I have a "crush" on a rock n roll bassist, that has a girlfriend, is 16 years older than me, has 4 biological kids and is potentially sober? Personally, I think I am too old for any type of crush. But, because (in my mind) he deserves to be blogged about and blogged about often...(sigh).

More, More, More

Often we let people in our lives define who we are. Not always a bad thing, say if you are parent, alas I am not a parent but I feel I let people play a huge role in who I am and who I have become. I'd like to think I can control my future and allow myself to be the person I've always wanted to be. What person is that you ask? Someone who would be missed if they left this world too soon, someone who inspires and brings out the best in others, a problem solver, a question creator, someone who had more friends and family than she knew what to do with, someone who would be remembered as kind and loving or just someone who would be remembered at all. All simply obtainable or so I think. Our road in life is short when we think about it in years but is awfully long when we think about the strife and struggles along the way. People who hurt you have a way of making your days long. They also have a way of seeping into your mind at night to let you know that you are worthless and are a waste of space. As strong as we pretend we are, we let the very person who professes their immortal love for us - break us. How does that happen? Why do we let it happen?

Words are a powerful thing and I await the day when I can hold my head up and say "there is more to me than you".

Food For Thought

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" - Mary Manin Morrissey

Examine This

"An unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

A college instructor pitched this quote to me. Karl Eulenstein was the name and making students his prodigies was his game. He threw it at me circa 1993'ish (before the convenience of Google) and said to me "who said it and explain the meaning". I immediately gave our senior librarian (Google back in the day) a $5 bill and begged "please, for the love of God, help me"! Our librarian had a very close resemblance to Don King, not quite as boisterous, possibly gay and he gave me back my $5 bucks even after he did the footwork. As I was sharing my find with Mr. Eulenstein and offering to him what I thought the quote meant, pleased, he then threw at me what are the two most important things in life? How easy I thought this to be - I "immediately offered family and God", "love and God"? He countered "come on Kim, you can do better than that". I never got that little project right by my own accord - he said the two most important things in life were power and wisdom. Now, a decade and a half later, I understand better of what importance each are.

What does the Socrates quote say? I believe it says you have to live your life by trying new things, all things. Things that are normal, scary, hard, easy, crazy, straight and over the top. To choose our destinations and make those difficult choices. If we set back and watch the world pass, afraid to get our feet wet or not jumping in, worrying what the outcome may or may not be, we'll never be fulfilled therefore in the eyes of Socrates, our life was not worth living.

Go examine yourself, your life...just do it.

For the Love of the Bag

Tonight I was having dinner with a wonderfully honest person. As we carried on about our current relationships, he divulged to me that his lover was going to have a Botox procedure done. Naturally I inquired of the cost and the most amazing words came from my friend's mouth - "you don't need Botox, you don't have one wrinkle on your face, really you don't have one". As I rose a bit higher in my seat, I adjusted my "girls" and thought this very comment deserves some type of purchase. My thought process of what to purchase did not fade or hasten because I had just received the latest catalog from one of my favorite fashion merchandisers. I knew exactly what I wanted and I knew exactly where it was. Time was running out for the evening so I quickly dashed into the department store. I walked to a very clean glass case and pointed to item of desire. As the associate placed it into my hand I read her name tag - "Helen" - what a beautiful name and she spoke in a foreign tongue, possibly Russian. I coddled the item in my hands and I was enamored by the scent of leather all around me. My feet rose from the tiled floor and I felt forever in love. Helen directed me to her counter and I quickly paid for my large hobo pebble grain leather Dooney & Bourke bag. It is crimson red with a rich brown trim, the strap short and fits oh so comfortabley and favors a horse bridle. Helen placed my new child into a dust bag and then handed it off to me. As I turned to walk away she said that she could tell I was special and then uttered "zee bag makes uh da ladee".

Another Morsel

Life is not fair, life is not free. But it all seems a little less harsh when we are truly happy.

Ode to Jenny

For my 30ish something birthday this past December, my friend Jenny, gave me a gift. The gift I received from her hand to my back porch was a book titled Eat, Pray, Love. The book has now been in my possession since mid December. Unopened and unread before now, tonight I turned the first page. As I embark through this literary journey I will keep your very situation along with mine in the forefront. As I feel I am going to relive most of my painful past caused by failed relationships and other situations to dark to recount here, I too, will ponder yours. Thank you Jenny for all you have been. I wish you healing and hope like you have never imagined. Because "its not waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain"...I love you.

Who Knew?

Days come and go. Weeks pass. Years, too, soon fly by. Where do all the moments go? And seconds? One, including myself has to wonder if these increments of time ever existed at all. Would it be cool to watch an instant replay of our life and to only highlight the important events? A condensed version which also includes our mistakes? Who wants to watch us make our mistakes? Our enemies? Maybe our step-mothers who we hate dearly in return? Is life to short to hate anyone? I once received a fortune in one of those delectable crispy cookies you receive after eating a less fortunate Chinese buffet. It read "no one is important enough to make you angry". I've held on to that piece of paper for 4 years just waiting for the right moment to reach down inside of me and bring it to the top. But I, being of sound mind and body, do tend to let that very thing happen daily. I get angry at/with people and I get angry often. An important person in my life recently received this fortune "all of your answers are right in front of you". I thought, how consequential, since I were sitting in front of them. I thought of the responsibility this little piece of paper had bestowed upon me. What could I do to bring this to fruition? Is it fate? Destiny? Coincidence? All of the above? Life has a funny way of bringing people together or tearing them apart. Things happen. People happen. I only hope that I can be exactly what life has predetermined of me because I believe IT knows best.