Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The More I Wine The Better I Feel

Last night I cried myself to sleep for no particular reason or maybe its the weight of a small, small world - my world. Some days I wake up and can't believe this is my life. Certainly not the dream I had envisioned for myself but mine nonetheless. I think about the many people who have come and gone and they ones who have stayed. The ones I've hurt, the ones who've hurt me and who will hurt the other down the road. I think of all the wrong I've done which outshines all of the right and again I think - this can't be my life. I think of all the roads I've taken to get me where I am now and wonder if I had just done this or if I had just done that would it have made a difference at all. When I have deja vu I think surely I am right where I am supposed to be no matter if I want to be there or not.

When I was a wee one and as all little girls do I was in beauty pageants. As you sauntered across the stage the emcee would read aloud a short questionnaire you had answered about yourself. A couple of the questions were favorite foods & what do you want to be when you grow up. My answers: fried chicken, a doctor or lawyer who carried an alligator briefcase. My, my how the times did change. I am in the beer business going on 15 years now which means I am not a doctor or a lawyer, however beer causes you to need both and I do not carry an alligator briefcase but I do have a crocodile handbag tucked away in my closet. And fried chicken? Is fried even a politically correct term now? My life turned out close enough to my pageant questionnaire, right?

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

~~ I'm Movin' On, Rascal Flatts

10 comments:

The Bug said...

Um - I was never in a beauty pageant. I'm pretty sure I wasn't cute enough :) But my answer would have been that I wanted to be a librarian. I wonder why that never happened.

I'll bet you never dressed up as a sheep (see my post for today), so that's something.

KrippledWarrior said...

you've come a long way darlin. and I don't care what you think. FRECKLES RULE.

Ophilia said...

the more i feel the better I whine?

Red Shoes said...

Well..., Ms Kimberly...

The advice I would give to you is to not worry too much about what has happened in the past.

I can't remember the exact wording, but there is an old Native American saying that goes something like this.."Don't let too many Yesterdays interfere with your Today..."

I think what we need to do is establish a path.. or a pattern for us to follow... and honor what we have set forth...

You will eventually find your own path... I think the fact that you are exploring this now is a very good thing...

~shoes~

UBERMOUTH said...

I really enjoyed this post,Kimmy.

No one's life turns out as we expect it to.And we coudl look back and regret paths taken and not, but whow is to say the road we didn't take didn't lead us up sidelines which would have been our ruination?

I regret not having the mind of a 40 year old on the body of a 25 year old AND vice versa,but what ya gonna do?

Kimberly said...

Ophilia - No, no. The more I WINE (drinking) the better I feel.

Christiejolu said...

If I was what I wanted to be when I was little I would be a rock star...I am not even close...Bummer! Wine does help...

Little Red Writing Hood said...

I get you. I sometimes have those moments. Though, yesterday I cried over pictures of Woodstock on life.com because I was so moved by them.

Sometimes, when you have nothing else, all you need to tell yourself is "any day not in the ground or a hospital bed is a good day." That's what I do.

Heff said...

Oh, PUH-LEASE !!!

YOU WORK FOR ANHEUSER BUSCH, FOR CRISSAKES, QUITCHER BITCHIN !!!

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