Its All About Me - Day 13

Lucky 13 right? Let me tell you how lucky I am right now. There is a rain/thunder storm/mini hurricane brewing outside which causes 3 of my 4 dogs to go temporarily insane. One gets in the bathtub, another wedges itself between me and the arm of the couch and turns its body temperature up to 200 degrees and the last one is a 65 lb. freckled Basset Hound named Gracie who also answers to Jar Jar Binks who on any other given day isn't allowed on any furniture somehow manages to jump onto the couch, and then onto my lap while panting, shivering & drooling all over me. So I bring out the Peach Schnapps and offer comfort. Gracie gladly accepts. Wow, its gonna be a long night.



Happy Christmas & Merry Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 12

I know...I skipped day 11 but its my birthday month so I get immunity from skipping days.

Today, tonight rather someone called me a 34 year old bitter woman. Not a terribly hard pill to swallow but I don't feel I am bitter. For those of you who doesn't know the definition of the term not in reference to taste see below:

Bitter (bit-er)- adjective
a. Characterized by intense antagonism or hostility: bitter hatred.
b. Hard to admit or accept: a bitter lesson.
c. Resentful or cynical: bitter words.

So I recounted, um, why do you think I am bitter? The response, from every other relationship you've ever been in, I was doomed from the begining. Sure, there was a time sometime ago when I would have called myself a bit cynical, a bit bitter but that sometime has come and gone and I have gotten over the biggest part of what I was so hurt over and what nearly killed me (no, no blood was shed, no necks were snapped).

Before this relationship I am in ever really began I read outloud the fine print: I am not the person you think I am. I am difficult to live with. I am very selfish. I obsessively clean. I am a bitch.

Caution was thrown to the wind and our lives set in motion...six years later here we are. Two very different people wanting very different things - one hanging on and the other letting go. Why does it end up this way? The very things that can bring two together can ultimately tear them apart.

Clearly HE was referring to winter (which isn't exactly here) because I no longer resemble anyone or anything that was once bitter.

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to a former bitter bitch - ME.

Its All About Nikki (me) - Day 10

It's a big day in my world. Why do you ask? Because it is my rock n roll boyfriend's birthday. Who do you ask is so very lucky to be my rock n roll boyfriend? The lucky man in question is Nikki Sixx. Oh how I swoon over thee let me count the ways...

Sometime ago I wrote this.



I don't suffer from addiction of Nikki Sixx. I enjoy every second of it.

Happy Birthday Nikki!

& Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me.

Its All About Me - Day 9

This all about me stuff is not as easy as I thought it would be. Celebrating my birthday month is all but that. Typically I am an overly selfish person but here I find myself stuck on day 9 without anything to shout about. Go figure.

With the whining behind me & because I could use some random excitement I thought I'd bring out the mistletoe...you know what to do.



Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 7

I found this in my 'in box'(no, not that 'in box', its Christmas time keep it clean for goodness sake)...

Somebody Loves Me

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 6

*This is a post from last year, same time --- since it was Christmas related, I decided to dig it out & have a do-over. I figure I can do that from time to time*

I was looking through a catalog of Christmas cards. Not one card in this catalog offered the greeting "Merry Christmas", "Happy Christmas", "Kiss My Christmas" or anything of the like. I could not find one picture of Santa and no mention of Christ or the Nativity. Are people so sensitive to the word Christmas or pictures of a man in a red suit? Santa has been flying over roof tops, squeezing down chimmney's for hundreds of years and Jesus has been around longer than that. I am not sensitive to people who eat gelfite fish or wear crocheted little beanies which means I don't ask for these items to be removed or changed while in my presence. Nor am I sensitive to religions that completely omit the word Christmas or any other holiday from their vocabulary. It is their choice. If I am not offended by others choices and aren't screaming for them to wear brown derby's, eat tuna from a can or write Christmas is Love a million times on a chalkboard then don't take away my option of a Christmas card boasting Santa giving Jesus a hi-5. You can just bet at a point in the offended's life - Santa did stop in to pay them a visit and he left them bags of switches & flat beer.

Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 5

I like to sing along to most any tune piping from the radio & I sing louder and prouder during the Christmas season. So I give you my My Favorite Christmas Song.

Happy Christmas & Merry Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 4

Today I wish for and I ask for everyone to wrap it up and send it to me: In my happiness I learn not to be so terrified to lose it.




Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 3

The very sight of this little guy makes my heart leap with joy.



Merry Christmas & Happy Birthday to me!

Its All About Me - Day 2

Put on your happy face...Happy Christmas & Merry Birthday to me!

It's All About Me

December, it's my month. For three reasons 1. I love the Christmas season, 2. I have the hots for Santa, 3. Christmas Day is my birthday.

No, I do not necessarily get jipped on gifts. Typically I get two or three from all givers but often they are wrapped in Christmas themed paper. I've had more than one birthday without a cake and I've had more than one birthday when someone will look at me and say "Oh my gosh! Today is your birthday, Happy Birthday!" Usually this outburst comes late in the day when everyone is gathering their things and heading home. I never tap anyone on the shoulder and smile a big cheesey grin and say "is there anything you want to say to me, is there anything you forgot to give me?", nope, I just let it ride and wait for the sympathetic belated greetings to pour in at a later date - like never.

Because this is MY blog and Christmas is my favorite day of the year I am going to celebrate it every day until December 25th right here with all of you....

Man Candy Monday

Resistance is futile ladies. The world loves a big lug.

"Yabba Dabba Dooo!"~~ Fred Flinstone

Random Thoughts 12

How difficult is it to let go of who you were to allow yourself to become who you are?

Sweet irony - I love the Christmas season so much it makes me sad.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Gobble till you wobble!

Man Candy Monday - Paul Walker

Paul Walker was the star of Man Candy Monday on my blog in 2009.  Paul died in a car crash yesterday, November 30, 2013.  Good bye you beautiful man...




He can swim my Deep Blue & then take me for a Joy Ride anytime he sees necessary.

Thought for the Day

Will Power
noun - control of one's impulses and actions; self-control.

Who the fuck is Will & why does he have power?

Sing Along Time

One of my most favorite people in the entire world sent me this link...I love him.

Push Play

I Believe...

That everything happens for a reason.

That Christmas is the most wonderful time of year.

In miracles.

People lie to save other people heartache.

That true love can fix everything.

That I was once was an "asshole" magnet.

That I'd rather be deaf than blind.

In long, lingering dinners.

In a sweet buzz.

I'll have another.

Man Candy Monday

I do not prefer nose piercings & I am not suffering from jungle fever...but that is one piece of meat I'd like to gnaw on.

A Ton of Bricks

It hit and I find myself running toward life and not away from it. When you find something you can't live without and you feel in your heart that you deserve it. Wow, what a feeling.

Mama Ruth

Tim McGraw's newest song is titled 'Southern Voice'. There is a line in the song that goes like this:

It's Hi Ya'll, did you eat well?
Come on in, I'm sure glad to know to know ya

My daddy's mother, my grandmother - Mary Ruth Atchison, a fabulously put together who woman would say something like this if you came to her home or if she just met you in the shoe department at Dillard's. Mama Ruth's hair was always perfectly done, her Estee Lauder make-up always smooth, her nails manicured, clothes sequined, satined or made of linen were pressed so perfectly you could balance a quarter on the creases, a fan of Etienne Aigner bags, who once said "you can tell the difference between a designer shoe and a cheap shoe the second you slip your foot in it", styled and dressed to the nines any hour of the day, she never introduced me as Kimberly or Kim but used my full formal name Miss Kimberly Dionne Atchison, this woman never met a stranger and those who met her loved her.

Mama Ruth taught me to cross stitch, how to cross my legs like a lady and to never say "I'm full" but instead "I have plenty". She was a ladies' lady.

You would never feel left out in her presence and she would most certainly go out of her way to speak to you or make you feel at home.

I lived with her and my Papa while I was in college and then for a little while after graduation. After Papa died in 1996 I was still in her residence and one afternoon after work I came through the back door and I found her sitting on the end of her bed with her head down and I sat beside her and asked "whats the matter" and Mama Ruth said "I am just so blue". She was that kind of person - not over dramatic but got her point across.

Mama Ruth passed away in 2000 from an aneurysm, and she still appears in my dreams ever so often. I hope there is a little of her in me.

Not So Sweet November

I've mentioned in this very corner of the blogosphere that November historically is not a good month for me. Its not good for several reasons but the 3 main reasons are these:

My first boyfriend of 4 years died on November 11th.

I was married on November 25th.

My ex-husband delivered the front page news on November 11th that it was over between he and I.

Lots of activity particularly on the 11th which is why I chose today to make my proclamation - today will be my last post regarding my former married life, my ex-husband or any shrewdness expressed toward men/boys/giraffes who brandishes the name Justin. November will no longer be hated, despised or dreaded for bringing dates to mind that are surrounded by loss or painful memories. I have been checking the 'single' box on any and all applications since that very day never wanting to acknowledge that I had all too soon became a statistic - a "dee-vorce-ay". I hereby free myself from my discontented past. No more tears over what happened or what will never happen. No more. I am letting it go and I am moving forward. Goodbye Old November, you were never good to me. Hello Sweet November, you have 30 days to not fuck up.

Sing Along Time

This is one my favorite songs because it reminds me of my most favorite person. Put those two things - favorite songs & favorite people - together and you then have a history or a past or a future.

I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feelin' for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then come on, oh, come on
Whoo, let's get it on
Ah, babe, let's get it on
Let's love, baby
Let's get it on, sugar
Let's get it on
Whoo-ooh-ooh

We're all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar
Since we got to be
Let's live
I love you

There's nothin' wrong
With me lovin' you
Baby, no, no
And givin' yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true
Oh, babe, ooh, ooh

Don't you know
How sweet and wonderful life can be?
Whoo-ooh
I'm askin' you, baby
To get it on with me
Ooh, ooh, ooh

I ain't gonna worry, I ain't gonna push
Won't push you, baby
So come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush, hey

Let's get it on, ooh, ooh
Let's get it on
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout
Come on, baby, hey, hey
Let your love come out
If you believe in love
Let's get it on, ooh, ooh
Let's get it on, baby
This minute, oh yeah
Let's get it on
Please, please, get it on
Hey, hey

I know you know
What I've been dreamin' of
Don't you, baby?
My whole body is in love
Whoo

Gonna get it on
Beggin' you, baby, I want to get it on
You don't have to worry that it's wrong
If the spirit moves you, let me groove you good
Let your love come down
Oh, get it on, come on, baby

Do you know I mean it?
I've been sanctified
Hey, hey
Girl, you give me good feelings, so good

Nothin' wrong with love
If you want to love me
Just let yourself go
Oh, baby
Let's get it on

Lets Get It On ~~ Marvin Gaye

Emotional Callbacks

I am a lover of Sex and the City. The cable show, the movie and everything that swirls around it. One of my favorite quotes is from the very last episode - An American Girl in Paris, Part Deux:

Big : "It took me a really long time to get here, but I'm here. Carrie, you're the one."

I've seen this episode probably, roughly, round aboutly - 22 times. Every time it pulls the same emotions from me - loneliness, hopeful, smitten, angry. Yeah, yeah its just a cable TV show that no longer airs but it still gets me.

Unfortunately my name is not Carrie nor am I dating Big but for $200 we can legally change our names.

One More For My Trophy Case

A Peeping Tom who visits my blog often has presented me with the soon to be famous Zombie Chicken Award. I really don't know what to say so I found the definitions to each to try and help us along:

Zombie
–noun 1. (in voodoo) a. the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.
b. the supernatural force itself.

Chicken
–noun 1. a domestic fowl, Gallus domesticus, descended from various jungle fowl of southeastern Asia and developed in a number of breeds for its flesh, eggs, and feathers.

So, now that we have that out of the way - Thank you, thank you Mr. Savage for deeming me so important to be a Will-less piece of Poultry because I know how important my eggs and flesh are to you. You too are just as fabulous.

Hello, 911, What Is Your Emergency?

The following are actual events that took place at my home during the hours of 1:20 am - 2:20 am on November 4, 2009:

Dog barks.
Doorbell rings.
Boyfriend says "our door bell rang".
I say "no it didn't".
Five minutes pass.
Doorbell rings and rings.
All four dogs go into frenzy, then into sniper mode - including the one who is mostly deaf.
Boyfriend gets out of bed & grabs his gun. That's right a G.U.N.
He walks to the dining room.
I walk to the living room.
Boyfriend says "don't open the front door".
I say "you don't open the front door".
I peek thru the blinds of the living room window. I see a woman standing on our porch. I say "I have no idea who that is".
For whatever reason we decide to open the door. The lady is the girlfriend of the dude who lives across the street.
She says "Josh won't give me my keys, he is drunk & he threatening to punch out my lights".
I say "what the fuck".
I go back in to get my wits about me.
I return to the front porch & tell her to use my phone. She comes in, is mumbling and is scared.
Josh arrives.
Another neighbor who also had ding dong ditch'em played on him arrives.
Josh is laughing & I tell him this is not funny.
He beckons for his girlfriend to come outside. She won't. She has called the PoPo.
Boyfriend tells Josh to go & get her keys and let her leave. He goes & then returns with them. Looks like he is going to throw them through the glass door at her. But the boyfriend intervenes.
Josh tells the girlfriend "when they(the PoPo) show up, if they take me away, I will deal with you later".
PoPo shows up. Stories are told. Girlfriend refers to Josh as an ex-boyfriend & Josh says "oh, so you are breaking up with me now". PoPo says to Josh "you have two choices 1. go home & don't come back out 2. You can take a ride downtown."
Girlfriend leaves. Cop leaves. Neighbor leaves. We go back to bed.
Another cop shows up at our house. Boyfriend tells him what went down. Cop sees my Longhorn t-shirt & they start talking about football.

Sing Along Time

Kickin' it old school today....

When I was younger man I hadn't a care
Foolin' around, hitting the town, growing my hair
You came along and stole my heart when you entered my life
Ooh babe you got what it takes so I made you my wife

Since then I never looked back
It's almost like living a dream
And ooh I love you

You came along from far away and found me here
I was playin' around, feeling down, hittin' the beer
You picked me up from off the floor and gave me a smile
You said you're much too young, your life ain't begun, let's walk for awhile

And as my head was spinnin' 'round
I gazed into your eyes
And thought ooh I want you

Thank you babe for being a friend
And shinin' your light in my life
'cause ooh I need you

As my head was comin' round
I gazed into your eyes
And thought ooh I want you

Thanks again for being my friend
And straightenin' out my life
'cause ooh I need you

Since then I never looked back
It's almost like livin' a dream
Ooh I got you

If ever a man had it all
It would have to be me
And ooh I love you

I Love You ~~ Climax Blues Band

I Believe....

That Smurfette was a whore.

That when the right person kisses you, you should feel intoxicated.

That my basset hound, Gracie, has the cutest dog booty in the world.

From the entire word wide blogging community that my followers have the most panache.

That clowns are evil.

In verbally denouncing marriage but secretly I wish to be in one.

That what goes around comes around.

A woman's handbag says alot about her but how clean her home is says everything else.

That the missed call on my cell phone from an 818 area code was Nikki Sixx.

In the Luck of the Irish.

Happy Birthday to Someone Special

As time heals all wounds and we learn to forge forth and learn from mishaps - today shines upon me a memory of someone who was visually, physically an important part of my life for a little while. That little while has passed and has now become a long while - a long while of sadness, bitterness and broken hearted'ness. This is for you Justin, all for you. Happy Birthday - I hope your birthday cake makes you throw up a little.

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I say "No, I'm gonna kill my dog"
And : "May the lines sag, may the lines sag heavy and deep tonight"

I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
'Cause you're evil
And you lie
And if you should die
I may feel slightly sad
(But I won't cry)

Loved and lost
And some may say
When usually it's Nothing
Surely you're happy
It should be this way ?
I said "No"
And then I shot myself
So, drink, drink, drink
And be ill tonight

From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
From the one you left behind
Behind
Oh, unhappy birthday
Behind

Unhappy Birthday ~~ The Smiths

Random Thoughts 12

Why do we have to grow up? We didn't ask to be born into this world - shouldn't our parents take care of us - after all, it was their idea to bring us into it.

There are some really cheesey music videos from the 80's and early 90's.
What's worse than the cheesey music videos? If the video featured any vixen dancing on a car hood, in an alley way, around a shiny silver pole pole to any group of the metal genre - I had that very same hair.

Historically November has never been a good month for me. All of my crisis' seem to begin and end with this month. Hopefully this year will prove to be a little different.

and I've finally seen it all - the baby formula is locked up on the "baby" isle in Walgreen's. "None of us live near perfect so for everything else there is Walgreen's". Right.

Man Candy Monday

In honor of Halloween I thought a post bare chest picture from a horror movie was in order and one more bare chested something for good measure. Ryan Reynolds looks good even when his body is possessed by evil entities and more so when he needs to be nursed back to good health - I'm not a nurse but I play one on my blog....

Happy Halloween!

Courage Under Fire

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and what joggled my memory to bring the cause to bloggie central at this late date is because a fellow employee lost his wife to this battle this very month. Her name was Mary Thomas. Mother of 10 year old Miles and wife to Everage - a man who is humble and strong in his faith. I've been sending Everage inspirational quotes of encouragement & comfort since his return to work. Yesterday I sent him this quote:

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

His response :

Thank you. God is good.

After all he has endured his faith never faltered. I wish I could be more like him.

And the Award Goes To....

As if my life couldn't get any better, The Queen of Mean ate bowl of nice or a small child and gave me an award, all mine, just for me, grubby nubs off. Of course no good deed goes unpunished so now I have to give a list of 10 things I do daily and then pass on my award (after I have done very dirty things with it) to 5 innocent bystanders.

My Daily 10~~

1. My morning routine: After waking I do more in 45 minutes than most do all day long - shower, put the dogs out, feed the dogs, iron, let the dogs in, start breakfast, apply war paint, finish breakfast, let the dogs out, "do" hair, let the dogs in, clean the kitchen, slip into clothes, give dogs treats, make sure everything is shut up, locked up, rolled up & pinned up so the dogs can't have any fun while I'm at work - then

2. Attend my morning debriefing (who, what, when & where is classified).

2. I go to work.

3. Talk to Chi Chi.

4. Drink some highly caffeine laced liquid substance.

5. Do some bloggie reading because its the right thing to do.

6. Pre-plan, re-plan, day dream about my wedding with Nikki Sixx.

7. Have good intentions of going to the gym.

8. Talk myself out of going to the gym.

9. Call Nikki's manager to confirm any changes or updates with his life.

10. "Alone time"

Now without further ado - I give you 5 other people who have lots o'time on their hands:

Lousiana's Finest

Panty Dropper

No That Is Not A Pencil In My Pocket

The Big Apple

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover

Sing Along Time

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

Need You Now~~Lady Antebellum

Man Candy Monday

Proof you can be Man Candy and a Silver Fox at the same time.

What's Fair?

The fair is in town. When I was a child or even in my early teens - the fair was the stuff dreams were made of - cotton candy, hot guys, loud music & the smell of those you know you aren't supposed too - menthal cigarettes. As age has crept up and always on time, I've come to notice the fair is the stuff nightmares are made of. Not because of freaky side show tents featuring the snake woman, the world's largest rat and Korky the Clown or the "carnies" beckoning you to their junkie tin can rides with a sneer suggesting they could peel off your skin with the only two black teeth in their head, hide your body which would never be found in the grease trap to the funnel cake booth but because of the crowd the fair draws.

Some of us wait for Christmas morning, the day after Thanksgiving sales or for a bad hair cut to grow out but there are some who wait all year for the state fair. The people who wait for this festive event come in all sorts of thrasy flavors (for you bloggie readers who enjoy the fair, this does not mean you). The flavors include toothless, no bra wearing, dirty root rot hair having, camel toe lurking, trucker hat styling, mothers pushing a double baby stroller flaunting pants with the words "hit this" or "juicy" right across the ass, men boasting wife beaters with their white hairy bellies protruding from underneath, passles of kids snatching pens, golf tees and pamphlets advertising the services of Mr. Rooter from the booths in the exhibitor area because they are free, long haired hippy bikers decked out in all of their leather, overly fat people stuffing fried butter down their cake holes, young girls wearing shorts that would make Lady GaGa blush, older women wearing the same shorts and the token local train wreck celebrity who is a tatooed, overly tanned, pierced, coked up, always on her phone with an entourage of young skanks and old, dried up ladies with not one tooth in their mouth hoochie.

So you ask why do I subject myself to all of this? All I can say is who wouldn't? For the cost of $0 it is the best people watching anyone can experience.

I Believe

in vodka cocktails before 10 am.

that there is good in everyone.

that blogging is cathartic.

that every morning at 6 am when I speak to the neighbor's cat Gus, in return he says "blow me".

in the power of suggestion.

that a bad hair day can ruin everything.

that lipstick makes everything a little better.

that dogs are people too.

that every thing happens for a reason.

that Nikki Sixx has purchased a 2 carat platinum classic Tiffany setting diamond ring and is on his way to ask me for my hand in rock n roll marriage.

Overheard in Sam's

"Hey Sonny, do you know where the stool softener is?"

Awwww....

Man Candy Monday

Greek & greasy - sadly no dimples...but he just gets better with age.

Mail Call

This arrived today VIA my e-mail -

I need a favor………………………

Go to the Dolla Store and buy a hood.

Stop by the gas station and buy something and tell them to put it in a bag.

Ride over to my office and stick your hand in the bag and bust thru the door and come kidnap me.

If you would...

I have not stopped laughing...

Autumn in New York

I was watching David Letterman last night - during his monologue he referenced Autumn in New York & how it could never get any better. With those words said - I thought of my friend Anthony & the pictures he sent me last week of his travels into the City from Brooklyn.


Autumn in New York
Why does it seem so inviting
Autumn in New York
It spells the thrill of first-nighting

glittering crowds and shimmering clouds
In canyons of steel
They're making me feel - I'm home

It's autumn in New York
That brings the promise of new love
Autumn in New York
Is often mingled with pain

Dreamers with empty hands
They sigh for exotic lands

It's autumn in New York
It's good to live it again ~~ Ella Fitzgerald - Autumn in New York

Throw Back Thursday

Obviously the picture above would be David Hasselhoff's glory days. From Michael Knight to Mitch Buchannon to a judge on America's Got Talent and finally playing himself as raving drunk trying to eat a hamburger..."don't Hassel the Hoff".

Thought for the Day

How is it possible that some people can suck the life right out of you?

"Nothing ends nicely, that's why it ends"....

Man Candy Monday

Ladies & gents I give to you Jeffery Dean Morgan - tall, dark & dimpled.

Baby Blue(s)

I hosted a baby shower today. Yes, you read that correctly - I hosted a baby shower. I have no love for kids but "the bun in the oven" will be my 2nd cousin. Baby Mama or as I like to refer to her as "Baby Bump" is my mother's sister's daughter or my first cousin. Love her, mean it. "Lil' Bits" first day in this world will be forced on November 23rd. Generally pregnancy of/by/for anyone makes me cringe with anxiety, desire of the unknown and gas but in this case I am elated. Elation has occurred because the "when are you gonna have a little one" questions have subsided while the attention is diverted elsewhere.

I have been following Baby Bump's pregnancy pretty closely - well as closely as one can without having a restraining order put against them. The curiosity of cravings is always my weakness. Baby Bump's cravings have been just two things thus far - Ramen noodles uncooked and raw bacon. Yes, raw bacon (makes gagging sounds). Out of the 8 months of gestation she has been sick 7 and with the nausea behind her - she has gained a total of 16 lbs. Not much I'd say for someone eating for two but what the fuck do I know? I mean, I eat for only one and can easily gain 16 lbs at one meal.

Ok, back to the shower stuff. "Lil Bits" is a boy so all decorations were blue- blue mints, blue plates, blue ribbons, blue toliet water, blue cake. All gifts were blue -blue onesies, blue socks, blue bottles, blue bibs (you get the idea). I am so glad Baby Bump did not get one of those disturbingly creepy breast pumps. The only thing missing from the shower was hooch. No one spiked the punch to my dismay. I thought it tacky if I had spiked the punch since I were hosting, so I brought in my own flask (in blue) and took nips in the men's bathroom, not really, but it would have been cool if I did.

With one shower down, one baby well on his way I can honestly say I am anxiously awaiting the arrival and not running for the hills.

Throw Back Thursday

I had a ridiculous crush on Alex P. Keaton - even though at the age of 8, 10 or even 12 I never understood his humor.

"Of all the Basic Applied Economic Principles of Capitalism in the Post-Industrial Era Seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine". ~~ Alex P. Keaton

Oh yeah...this just happens to be my 200th post. Everyone else mentions a bloggie milestone - so I thought I would as well.

Random Wednesday Me Me

Typically, I am not a "me-me" kinda gal but thought I'd walk on the wild side today. I took the cue from The Bug so here goes...


1. Tell me the absolute best way to watch a movie. On my TV, on my couch, under my blue blanket - alone.

2. Do you ever think about your own funeral? If so, do you have specific ideas about how you would like it to be? Yes I do. Music - Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains.

3. Are you more of a giver or a taker? Lately I feel like a giver with no reciprocation.

4. Vacations: planned activities and schedules, or play it by ear? Typically I like time frames for transit purposes. But, after arrival playing it by ear works.

5. What is one often overlooked item in your home that needs to be cleaned regularly? My basset hound. Due to her hound qualities, Gracie could use a bath every other day and she can't help it.

6. Name a cause that means a lot to you. Kimberly Needs A Handbag Fund . This particular cause is not really new but is making its way into the hearts of people worldwide.

7. Do you eat a regular old peanut butter jelly sandwich, or do you customize it? And by the way, jelly or no jelly? Regular PB&J for me...if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

8. If we were having a conversation in person, how would I know if you were nervous? Quivering voice, flushed cheeks - oh wait that is for something else.


9. Do you have an elaborate bedtime routine, or just the basics of toothbrushing and jammies? I grab Jack, my pomeranian & put him in the bed. I have long changed into my t-shirt & boxers before crawling into bed & then I watch some TV before nodding off.

10. Have you ever regretted something you wrote on your blog? Nope. The beauty of it being your blog - delete, delete, delete.

11. Has anyone ever told you that you look like a famous person or celebrity? Did you agree? I had super big hair and a shitty attitude back in the day and because of that hair & shitty attitude, I was told I looked like the bitchy sister, Tia, from Uncle Buck..



More recently and twice in a very short amount of time I was told I favored Catherine Zeta Jones. I assume its the dark hair, heavy eyes & the corners of my mouth curl upward like hers..



12. If you were going to dedicate a song to a loved one or friend, what would the song be and to whom would it be dedicated? Hmmm...there are so many thoughts & choices. But I think this dedication of No Suprise by Daughtry to Sancho works the best and I just bet he would agree.

Awwww...

I was chatting with a friend about KISS concert tickets. I told my friend I had located two tickets, floor section, 14 rows from the stage for $300.00 and then asked if they thought it would be worth it. My friend said that was a lot of money for KISS and then said "nooooo your worth $300 bucks". I said "fuck, I better be worth more than $300 bucks". I then got an "LOL" and the amount of $3,000,000,000,000 showed up and this followed "YES THAT IS 3 TRILLION AND YOUR WORTH EVERY PENNY OF IT AND THEN SOME..."

Oh yes, the power of suggestion.

Man Candy Monday

I am not a prime time TV watcher but after discovering this piece of candy, I might have to start. Look at those dimples...

I'm Clumsy

It's true. No, no don't be jealous it is not as glamorous as it seems. After arriving home this afternoon from a day in the "country" I was walking up my front porch steps - all three of them. Before lifting my right foot off the top step I fell directly into the front door. Both hands were carrying covered plates of food that I brought from my mom's.

Contents of the first plate included:

Mac & cheese
Fried chicken
Ham
Smoked pork
Broccoli (chopping bra-koh-lee, choppin' bra-koh-lie)& rice casserole
Sweet potato casserole
One deviled egg
Some potato & cheese casserole concoction
Field peas

Contents of the second plate included:

Homecoming cake
Chocolate cake
Lemon pound cake
7-Up Cake
Pecan Pie

As fate has struck me with the art of clumsiness, luck also follows me, the plates doubled as a cushion thus preventing me from crashing through the front door which happens to be glass. Because falling & slinging food isn't enough for a pride crusher, my neighbor just happened to be in his front yard talking on the phone while the events took place.

My dogs, all four, gave me a score of 10.

TGIF!

This universal sign for FUCK YOU is for you - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday.

Many thanks to my secret boyfriend for lending his fingers.

Throw Back Thursday

For the fellas...




Every stunt man needs some arm candy so I give you Jody Banks a/k/a Heather Thomas...candy on the arm of Colt Severs.

Sing Along Time

Stupid fucking monthly pre-arrival of hormonal rage - I hate you.

3 a.m. and I'm all alone
Try to call but I doubt you're home
Not much has changed here on my end
Sure would be good to see you again
I know we had our fights
Nothing since has felt that right
Lived my life from day to day
If I don't think too much everything is okay

I miss holding your hand, miss going on walks
Miss being your man
I miss watching you sleep,
Guess I just miss you.. with me

I still drive that same ol' car
Still work at that run down bar
Still hang out with that same group of guys
And on Saturday nights, still go to that dive
Been two months since I had a drink
Damn good for me, don't you think
Oh, its been a year now since you've gone
Oh I've tried my best, I cant move on

Cause' I miss holding your hand.
Miss going on walks, miss being your man
I miss watching you sleep
Guess I just miss you with me

If you give me a second chance
I'll never let you go
Swallowed all my pride and now I gotta let you know

Cause' I miss holding your hand.
Miss going on walks, miss being your man
I miss watching you sleep
Guess I just miss you with me

~~Miss You, Randy Rogers

Jeezohpete - I hate feeling this way. Stupid, idiotic, unreasonable emotions. In the name of Midol, I command thee to leave my body.

Cheering Section

From time to time I have severe bouts and equal parts of sadness and loneliness. Mostly I chalk it up to the arrival of my "monthly friend" - sorry fellas, but it is a huge part of many women's life. Self medicating (vodka) usually worsens symptoms so this "little happy" appeared in my email in-box today:

Always remember: You are beautiful. You have a wonderful personality that draws people to you even if it is the first time meeting you. You have an energy that makes people feel good about themselves. You are a good writer. You are intelligent and can tackle any project thrown your way. You are loyal. Your employer values you. You are a great homemaker. You have talents that many people only wish they had. You are clean...and that's next to Godliness:) You are forgiving. You are a good daughter, friend, employee and family member. You love dogs and that automatically makes you a good person even if you had nothing else going for you. You are good with kids. You are good at house sitting.
You are good at tons of other things, but my hand is getting tired and I have to work.

Ahhh...it is the little things.

*spirit fingers*

Man Candy Monday

Double Venti, please.

Everything I want

In a society where we're told the sky's the limit & everything is attainable - because everyone can live the American Dream even though it brings about overinflated expectations -- I give you most everything I want:

A four/three day work week (four on & three off).
A never ending pantry of Hunts Chocolate Pudding Snack Packs.
Dogs that never get sick or die.
Sundays under the covers.
A do-over for my junior year of high school.
A BMW 3-series.
Champagne & chocolate for breakfast.
A man who loves me.
Perfect red lips.
A Hermes Birkin bag.
An engagement ring that trumps any other.
Romance.
Expensive, 3 hour dinners every week.
Feet rubs.
Inner strength.
Perfect hair.
Great neighbors.
A sibling.
To trust everyone.
To never be let down by a man again.
Contention with my past.
A closer walk with God.
Hand rubs.
To be told I am beautiful & believe it.
A nose job.
To be fought for.
To never be left behind.
Peace.
A man who I love.
Flowers for no reason.
To find hidden love notes - every day.
& to eat all of those chocolate pudding snacks and never gain an ounce.

Stupid Hormones

Last night before drifting off to dream my fingers stopped changing the channels & it just happened to land on TLC and this was on. Call me selfish or even narrow minded but enough is enough. For one, how can someone support 18 kids? For two, who would want too? A co-worker of mine has four kids and their tax return is around $10,000 annually. Doing simple math you would figure these 18 crumb snatchers would net a return of $40,000; easily an annual salary for anyone. I understand we live in a free country and can breed as we please. I also understand biblical scripture encouraging us all to be to "fruitful and multiply" and no I am not mocking or being blashpemous of the Holy Bible. I suppose my orchard is barren or either has really long winters because I have chosen not to be fruitful up to this point. Can you imagine giving birth to 18 children? It almost makes me gag with repulsion. Aren't we over populated now? Can't they adopt children that nobody else wants? Each Duggar child/teen/tween has their own chore list, basically, the parents - Jim Bob & Stephanie - have an entire staff of worker bees to meet their every need. Have you ever noticed that families with many children are either very religious oriented, poor or live in trailers? What is the connection here?

Andrew Dice Clay - remember him? Famous for making sweet little nursery rhymes into something a little more sinister:

There was an old lady
Who lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Maybe it is the Duggars calling to be an extra value meal size family and minister to all in need - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. ~~ Matthew 18:20

To each their own and in the Duggars case its 18 and counting and in mine it has to be suppression of raging hormones.

Game Face

In my quest for the perfect body also known as the one I had in high school I sought advice from a fellow wordsmith. The advice given was this:

Stop stuffing your face. Cut your calorie intake to almost nothing.
Food is the enemy just look at what it has done to you.
Exercise.
Set a new goal every 3 days.
"Do something" for two hours every day. Note: doing something is meant to be done at the gym.

Not harsh, to the point and there was no pain in hearing said advice. So many others will tell you that its not healthy to, in short, not eat. Half times two = eat half as much and exercise twice as much than usual.

Then I asked to be motivated. The motivation given was this:

"I'd never fuck a fat chick".

Pretty harsh, to the point and I felt a sting. I thought "Disect the words and handle this". Any food item that was in my mouth, in my hand, in my desk drawer or in my pocket went directly to the bottom of the garbage can. Sure some of you ladies are saying "what a prick" or "men are filled with such douche baggery" maybe so but the person was honest at best. Some of you men say you like meatier gals and that any "pooty-poo" is good "pooty-poo" pudgy or not. I want no thoughts while I am underneath, on top of or having someone directly behind me thinking other than how good I feel, how much they love me or how awesome my boobs look. I want nothing to do with fat content entering anyone's mind when I'm circling the pleasure zone.

I find myself couple watching more than ever these days. The diversity of the human species is amazing: dumpy, perfect posture, short, tall, fat, skinny, long hair, red hair, no hair, buck teeth, no teeth, big boobs, fake boobs, Asian, Italian, trailer trash, freckled, dimpled, fair, dark, toned and tanned. In my observance I find it a rarity to behold a chubby man with an "above average" woman but see really chubby women with "above average" men. I define above average as - nice hair/good hair, handsome/attractive, not overweight, in shape, well dressed, well spoken. Why the role reversal here? Especially during the days of arm candy and trophy wives? Typically a woman says "as long as he treats me good, nothing else matters". I work with ALOT of men so I see and hear daily the barrage of cat calls, filthy gestures made with their manly members and the seductive lure of stepping into the supply closet for a little taboo favor swapping which says to me "I have fatty at home but will slap the ass of the hottie at work"...no harm, no foul, right?

I would never say about a man "I'd like to hit that or smoke that pole" unless the smoking hit involved Nikki Sixx (Heff, not one word). Men and women are wired so differently with so much competition. Ugh, let me put my game face on.

Man Candy Monday

Another fine product of Texas, is a little weird, likes to run around half-naked and he has dimples.

Random Thoughts 10

Why can't you switch the blade on the guy in shades?

I suck at making coffee.

Drinking hot coffee without adding sugar makes me feel like a grown-up.

During the years of 1988 - 1991 I wore only GUESS jeans and GUESS t-shirts. My parents were seperated & my dad never paid child support. My mother brought home in pay from her job $164 a week. The price of a pair of GUESS jeans at that time were $50 and the t-shirts were $20. I have no idea of how she did it but my shit looked good. Thanks mom for not letting me be the odd kid out.

Last night at dinner I observed an older couple - late 40's early 50's. Man had a dirty biker moustache, lots of hair combed directly back but was frizzy, tanned, lots of jewelry including pinky rings. Woman had long bleach blonde hair pulled into a high pony tail with bad bangs, she also wore lots of jewelry - a ring on every finger including her thumbs. She had a huge rack & not the type you want to motorboat. Seriously, their images mirrored each other. They both ate like they had just gotten out of prison. Elbows on the table & kethcup on their steak. As I watched them I wondered if I would fall victim of not letting go of a way I looked at a certain age?

Happy Birthday

Mafia Boss Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr. a/k/a James Gandolifini turns the big FOUR EIGHT today.

"There's an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth".

Throw Back Thursday

That's right - a trucker & his pet monkey - BJ McKay and his best friend Bear.

My dad is a trucker (I know, how did I come to have so much proper etiquette & grace sans the potty mouth of course? All I can say is miracles do happen.) I use to ride along with my dad when he would make short "runs" and there was always some racket coming from the CB radio. One of my favorite terms used was Kojak with a Kodak.

"Breaker-breaker 1-9".

"Come on back Go Yonder".

"Better back that bucket of bolts down. There is a Kojak with a Kodak on the overpass". Don't go feeding the bears".

"10-4".

Thought for the Evening

What exactly is it that I want & what am I willing to pay to get it?

Thought for the Day

Where does the truth lie?

Goodbye Johnny Castle...

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner".

Work Rant!

On a daily basis I probably take 30-50 phone calls. We do things the "old school" way - we actually write down messages & deliver them to the appropriate party. While answering the phone, taking and delivering messages is part of my job & I should be glad to have one I still so get so rattled and unnerved when people leave messages that begin or end like this:

"Good Morning Happy Thrills Condom Farm"

"I am looking for Hans Trojan"

"Who is calling"

"Gooey Panties with the Today Sponge"

"Was he expecting your call"

"No"

"One moment please"

"I'm sorry Mr. Trojan is not available. May I take your #"

"Yes, I am leaving for Pigsknuckle, Arkansas for the National Spermicidal Conference, so I will have to leave my WORK cell phone # 251-555-5555. I will be on the road from 9-5 if he can't reach me via my WORK cell, he can call my PERSONAL cell and that # is 251-444-4444. If he can't reach me on either of those, here is my work VM, he can try me there. I check those messages daily OR you can just give him a message for me"

Reason for rant: Who gives a shit whether it is your cell phone #, home # or your office # - I/We/The entire world doesn't need the details of what number you are giving and your office is in the same city as mine mine, I don't need you to rattle off the fucking area code. Please don't take away unecessary seconds of my life that I will never get back. If he wasn't expecting your call or doesn't recongize your name chances are you'll never get a return call so we do not need the 411 of who, what, when or why.

Thanks for calling.

Man Candy Monday

I know what you all are thinking - he has no dimples. You are correct but look at that crooked smile, the white hat, those hard working hands - I've been known to make concessions from time to time for a cowboy.

So when the world won't turn the way you wish it would,
And the dreams don't come alive as often as they should,
Remember that there's someone there whose heart is always true,
I'll always be the man in love with you.

The Man In Love With You ~~ George Strait

Probably wasn't written for me but a girl can dream.

Random Thoughts 9

I feel confident I will die alone.

This was a new secret posted on Post Secret today & it has saddened me to no end:



I can't believe I'm a blawger. Buh-lawger.

Sometimes I go more than two days without calling my mom. When this happens I feel sorry for her because I am her only child.

I wonder if Dolly Parton is as genuine a person, positive and perky as she seems to be and if she looks as good outta her clothes as she does in them.

When I see people standing at an intersection asking for handouts, I never make eye contact. After I drive away I wonder if a dollar from me would have been the one that saved them. In all reality probably not but I still wonder.

In Remembrance

Let us not forget.

Throw Back Thursday

Just in case you don't know who these two outlaws are - Bo & Luke Duke is their name. Bo was always the front runner in terms of the "hottie" but since I have a penchant for the lesser known - I'd test Luke's water first.

Tears in my Beer #2

Some time ago I kicked at the air about this.

Here is a follow up to it:

Two weeks ago myself, my mother, my granddaddy & grandmother were eating lunch. A good friend of mine appears and says "Are y'all having a family party without me?". I said "where did you come from?". Friend says "I've been here the entire time. I saw you when you came in." I said "well, I didn't even see you." My grandmother says "It was probably because you were too busy feeding your face". Lucky for me my friend deflected the negativity before the Goodyear blimp comments started and says to my grandmother "that is what I came here for & I enjoyed every bite."

*sigh*

Before these two instances another "set" of grandparents once told me "You should wear more make-up. We just want you to be pretty and thin".

*sigh*

Some people might wonder what triggered their poor eating habits and poor body image issues - I've never had to wonder.

Man Candy Monday

Typically, I am not into the flaunting of ripped tummies or arms, mine or anyone else's but you see the picture is about the dimples....not all the other stuff. Dimples make the world go round.

Headaches & Hotdogs

I have a slight headache not due to over an indulgence of adult beverages. I had a hot dog for last night's dinner.

There comes a time in everyone's life - some may call it a crossroad, a turning point, an awakening, a brush with death - when important and timely decisions have to be made. Have to be, not should be. Those decisions include but are not limited to weight loss, putting down the bottle, giving up the blue eye shadow, picking up slack in your relationships, career changes and so on. Basically anything that is slowing killing the branches of your tree and you have to cut off the bad ones before it rots the entire thing. (I've always thought ROT was a raunchy word). So comes the question "when is enough, enough?". What has propelled you to make the leap, the one thing that freed your feet from the bucket of cement? Was it an ultimatium? Too many fingers pointed in your face? Bad news from the doctor? The fact that you had to dip yourself into oil and jump off of your bed into your pants just to get them on?

--OR--

What kept you in the same place never moving forward and just steeping in misery and only having thoughts of what could be? Not knowing what waited beyond the door you wanted to walk out? Tied to tightly to the bedpost?


“I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving: To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor” ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

Sing Along Time

She says she hates to sleep alone, but she'll do it to night
She wants to grab her telephone, but she knows it ain't right
So if he won't call, she'll survive, and if he don't care, she'll get by
Climb into bed, bury her head, and cry

From the beginning he was all anyone could have been
They were delirious with love; they were certain to win
Now he's breaking plans more and more, and he's leaving notes on her door

Took a trip out of town, couldn't turn this one down;
He said, "I guess I should have told you before."

She says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing,
Always sitting, waiting, wondering if the phone will ring,
She knows she bounces like a yo-yo when he pulls her string,
It hurts to feel like such a fool.
She wants to tell him not to call or come a round again,
He doesn't need her now at all the way that she needs him.
She's on the edge about to fall from leaning out and in,
And she don't know which way to move.

She wants to be fair; she couldn't say he was ever unkind,
But if she could bear to walk away, she thinks he wouldn't mind
'Cause he just keeps himself so apart and there's no one else in her heart,
So she's taking a dive from an emotional high and coming down hard.

She's determined to try, but she'll still give in when he gives her a call.
She'll ask herself why, but in the end it won't matter at all.
Sure, she could sit at home, stay inside and sleep alone with her pride
And as she walks out that door, she feels as weak as before with nothing to hide.

Addicted~~Dan Seals

Men, guys, dudes even dirty rocker boys (except the ones who read my blog, of course) are all the same. Selfish, prickish by nature, lying always thinking of themselves and not the other, not caring who they hurt or at what cost.

It might just be the time to "taste the rainbow".

Post Do-Over #2

Because I am wordless and have nothing in my life worthwhile to blog about, I figured I'd do a post do-over. So for you reading pleasure I chose a post from
one day and one year ago (366 days)...

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Choice Chosen

Not too long ago I wrote a short essay on my choice of not having kids. This morning everything I wrote in that short essay came to fruition. As I was sitting in a restaurant ordering breakfast a couple next to me had not one, two or three kids but four. There should be some type of cap of the amount of children one should have especially if they choose to make them "door steps". The smallest child probably 3 years old, cotton top blonde, wore a white t-shirt with a red stain down the front and shoeless was sitting in between mom and dad. As their breakfast order arrived, the child stood up in his seat and exclaimed "pancake!". Then he proceeded to sit on the table while mom just watched. He also threw a fork to the other side of the restaurant. The he attempted to throw the salt shaker - the older sister took the shaker before he could make the double play. Mom nor dad did not get up and retrieve the fork or make an apology to the couple sitting at the table it landed under. The kid continued to shriek as he ate his pancake. The other smallest child was crying because his pancake didn't look right...

Behind me, sat another small child in a high chair. A two year old boy with a horrific "bowl" haircut, that in my opinion just screams "brat" in a overall "onesy" with his name, Ben, embroidered on the front. This particular child was making sounds like the mermaid, Madison, from the movie Splash as she tried to say her name in her native language, "eeeyyyyeeeeeeeek, eeeyyyeeeeeeeek". Maybe the windows didn't shatter but my eardrums burst. An older child at the table was instructed to take Ben outside because he needed to walk (like he was a puppy or something). So she does and in doing so she takes Ben from chair and he cries and flails around in her arms because he wants to be let down. Then outside, stands right in front of the window where I am sitting, holding Ben so he can waive at his mother. Ben's overalls should have read - Damien.

Need I say more?

Man Candy Monday

I'll take 300 of whatever he is offering.

Oh, and P.S. I love you.