Post Do-Over - First Blog Post

Below is my first blog post(really):

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

My First Blog

This isn't really my first blog. I blogged once about a year ago and haven't blogged since. So, here I go again. As I write this I wonder what type of blogger I will be? A serious blogger? A funny blogger? A sad blogger? A daily blogger? What exactly is a blog? An online diary? Is it really a diary when the world has the opportunity to read it without being caught in the act? Myspace without the pictures? Who knows but I must say I am most excited about being a part of the blogging community. My life is not in shambles today nor was it near ruin yesterday and safely escaping Mardi Gras has been a great victory in itself. With that being read, I must safely escape my blog for now and last but not least welcome to my blog spot.

Posted by Kimberly at 11:34 AM


Say it with me now -- CHEESEY!

Have you ever thought about trademarks? Goldie Hawn's hair has remained pretty much the same after she graduated from being the Sock It To Me Gal on Laugh In. Whoopi Goldberg has her dreads. Kenny Rogers and his coiffed silver locks & facial hair. Tom Selleck's & Burt Reynold's mustaches. Ricky Boboy's ability to piss excellence in the morning. Eddie Van Halen's red & white guitar. Elton John's super flashy over the top costumes. Gene Simmon's tongue (has to be natural). Willie Nelson's braids. Dolly Parton's boobs. George Strait and his hat. Lucille Ball's red hair. Mariah Carey & her butterfly bullshit. Boy George's make-up. George Michael's 5 o' clock shadow (I mean Boy George's make up). Tina Turner's legs (again, au natural). Angus Young's school boy outfits. The Una Bomber and his hoodie. Heff & his half mullet. The mafia and their baseball bats. I mean, there are just somethings you can't fuck with.

I wonder if their style starts out as an accident & then when a subtle change happens the ratings decline & then they have to revert & it soars?

I Want To Rock n Roll All Night

“The notion is that if you want to welcome me with open arms, I'm afraid you're also going to have to welcome me with open legs.” ~~ Gene Simmons

Happy Birthday Gene Simmons!

Once upon a time there was semi-small brunette girl who thought of ways to save the world or at least fix her shit. In those thoughts which ran through the night and throughout most of her days she didn't get anywhere. She thought of things she should have said to this person and things she should have done in that situation. To no avail nothing ever got better and there was very little change. Not wanting to be one to fail she kept specific notes and daily affirmations in eye view as unfortunate daily reminders:

YSL Tribute Bag
Use Michael Kors store credit
Oink, Oink!
I'd like to be a MILF?
Asian Night
Wedding vows to Nikki
No fast food
Spanish
8 minutes = 1/2 mile
Do blondes really have more fun?
Mantra - "I am tall & beautiful, I love my family & they love me".
Bay window curtain rods
Cupcake practice
Where are my freakin' Costas?
Find a new (any) coke dealer
Schmooze with rich aunt
"Set me free"

As the days stroll by unforgivably, the little brunette who could's check/to do list never gets any smaller. If anything the little pink notes multiply, never decreasing.

Stupid ass lists, I hate you.

Do We Have Something In Common?

Before going to work this morning I stopped at convenience store near the office to grab a bottle of water. When I pulled into the parking I saw an extremely tall, a circus's strongest man in the world type (shaved head, large build, leopard leotard) walking into the store. I guess he saw me and in seeing me saw that I was a chick and decided to stand at the door and hold it open for me. Nice, right? I saunter into the store toward the back to get my drink. I walk back to the front to pay & leave.

The tall man was standing in line and I fell in behind him. He turned to me and made a lip pursing gesture. Ok, he liked my lipstick? I looked away because it was so uncomfortable. Then he turned the other way and looked at me and licked his lips. Ok, now he has something on his mouth? All the while contorting his mouth he is having a conversation with the clerk about a job he had to do in Buckatunna, Mississippi this morning.

He pays and lingers. I pay and head for the door. He holds the door for me once again & begins to have a conversation with me. It began like this "you are hot". Did you get that lovely readers? I was hot. Before I could even say anything in rebuttal he solicits "do you want to get together?". I responded with a no, he wants to know why, I said I have a boyfriend, he says we have something in common and I say "you have a boyfriend too?". He says I have a wife and I said well that is a good reason not to. He then says "aww come on, live a little, let me get your number". I said thanks for the offer but no thanks, have a good day. He winked and I got into my car.

I assumed my boobs were all that boobs were intended to be this morning & my hair was exceptionally smooth but at the convenience store? Yep, that just happened.

Life is Tough...

It is Michelob Ultra not Michelob Ultra Light.

The use of the word muse in any blog title irritates me. I have no specific reason why but it does.

Am I the only one who thinks wearing shorts, flip flops and tank tops to church is inapropriate and rude? Am I the only one who thinks bringing a soda into church to drink during a service is rude? I understand that attending church is far more casual than in the days of yore. I suppose it is true that God doesn't care what you look like as long as you show up - but shouldn't you take a little more pride in yourself?

Why is enough never enough?

When will people catch a clue and realize that their screaming kids aren't cute or even tolerable?

Why do we bitch and cry about our jobs and relationships and never immediately do anything about them?

"Life is tough, but its tougher when you're stupid". ~~ John Wayne

Beacause I was a child of the 80's, Happy Birthday Roscoe P. Coltrane!



And because it would have been super cool to be a child in the 60's...Happy Birthday Mick Jagger!

Nothing & Everything

Do you ever wonder why you dream the things you do? My dream last night involved the VP of the company I work for - shirtless & picking me up for work and a poodle. (I didn't eat late & I didn't eat anything weird)

A new week is upon us & I suspect that any of the things I have planned will fall through. Fall through what I have no idea but I doubt anything goes as I intend. Included in those plans are two nights in a work out class. Tonight is cardio and Thursday involves boxing. Me, a boxer, try to picture that. Another inclusion is no hooch until Friday evening which involves a large Mexican feast for 10 guests. I am already feeling the anxiety of preparing a perfect meal in a perfectly clean home.

I think of all the people in my life. I can't remember one person ever coming in or going out of my life that has caused me to stand still. That sounds awful & maybe it is. It could be why I only do things for 5 years and start over.

I wonder if when I were born and my mother first saw me did she think to herself -"there is my little fuck up". Awful, isn't it?

It's Good To Be Me

You have to love it when your regional district manager calls you and asks you to text him what you like from Starbucks the next morning.

My grande iced caramel macchiato - skinny with an extra shot just arrived on my desk. Ahhh, its good to be me!

Motley Crue & Poison - Biloxi

Disclaimer **I am not a photographer & these pictures were taken while holding two 16oz. draft beers & attempting to keep grown men from groping my grown boobs. The picture quality is bad & I don't need to be reminded**

I am terrified of growing old. Older in looks, older in health, older in manners. I have probably lived almost half of my life and to think I might have another 40 years to live, well it worries me.

I see older women in their Capri pants, thick sandals and it makes my stomach hurt.

I see older men and women eating breakfast or lunch staring at each other, chewing with their mouths open and not speaking to one another.

I see older couples with their obnoxious little ankle biters sitting on the dashboard of their cars while traveling down the road.

I see older women carrying handbags with all of those awful outside compartments.

Older women in their elastic waist band pants because they now are the only comfortable things they can wear.

Older women who don't cinch their boobs up and they hang ever so vulgarly at their waist line.

Older couples watching the younger couples walk by with disdain in their eyes.

The older people who only talk about their gout, colonoscopies and doctor appointments.

The older people who apply for jobs and never get them.

The older people who are so firmly set in their ways they will never try anything new.

I saw an older lady last night, a niece of my mother's husband. I asked my mother her age and she said she was probably 57. The woman was on a motorized scooter mover. She has lost one leg and it was replaced with a prosthetic. She was using oxygen and she was large in size. Her face was very moon shaped and her movements were so slow, almost sloth like. Her hair was longer with gray in it and pulled into a barrette. She had on a blue knit suit and no bra. I noticed how her breasts just flopped (that sounds so vulgar) to the side and I doubt she had any concern with her breasts not being in correct position as they appear to be the least of her worries. I assumed someone has to take care of her on a daily basis. Instead of having sympathy for her I felt embarrassed for her. I thought of her quality of life and how I wished to never be in that shape and if I were --- I had rather not live.

I don't want to grow old. I can't stop the aging process, yet, but I am doing all I can to slow it down.

He's A Yankee Doodle Dandy....

He's a Yankee Doodle Boy!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Price Survey

$3.32 !!!! The 4th of July is just days away and the gas price per gallon is creeping down. I may not have to take another mortgage out on my home now and I can discontinue the selling of my body to dirty old men. Things are looking up!

Sing Along Time

Such good stuff...

Well, I've got to run to keep from hidin',
And I'm bound to keep on ridin'.
And I've got one more silver dollar,
But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no,
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

And I don't own the clothes I'm wearing,
And the road goes on forever,
And I've got one more silver dollar,
But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

And I've gone past the point of caring,
Some old bed I'll soon be sharing,
And I've got one more silver dollar,

But I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

No, I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

No, I'm not gonna let 'em catch me, no
Not gonna let 'em catch the Midnight Rider.

Midnight Rider ~~ Allman Brothers

Chickens & Cats - You Decide

While eating my Chobani yogurt and reading the news this morning, I came across this irritating article . When did gender neutralization become the "it" thing? Girls are girls regardless of their sexual orientation or preference. Boys are boys in the same way. Girls can get pregnant, boys can't. Girls have a menstrual cycle, boys don't. Boys grow facial and chest hair, most girls don't. Boys have an Adam's apple, girls don't. Grown men have throbbing hard cocks, um, most girls don't. Grown women have breasts that can nurture and feed their own children, men don't. Girls wear make up and its not really cool for boys to. Teaching a child to be who they want to be is one thing but not teaching a child what is appropriate for little boys and what is appropriate for little girls is another. "Little Jimmy you have a penis because you are a boy. Boys have a penis". "Little Kathy, you have a vagina because you are a girl. Girls have vaginas". "No little Jimmy you can't have a vagina because you have a penis and Little Kathy you can't have a penis because you have a vagina". "Yes, I know you were taught to choose what you wanted to be but Mother Nature made the choice for you. I am sorry I can't change that and misled you into a confusing decision".

When I was a wee little thing I played trucks with my boy cousins. Those same cousins played dolls with me. I even had a pair of boy cowboy boots and wore a football jersey. I wasn't trying to decide if wanted to be a boy or girl I was only wearing what I liked. Does anyone remember It's Pat from Saturday Night Live? To me, that was one of the most disturbing skits in entertainment history. No one knew what the fuck Pat was so no one knew how to treat her/him/it. So raise your kids to let them decide if they want to be a boy or girl. Let them be mistreated and bullied at school because the boys sit down to pee and carry a purse because you said it was ok. Let the girls use the same locker room as the boys so she can be labeled the school whore because in your eyes there should be equality. All of your precious little creatures will end up right here as an embarrassing joke for the entire world to enjoy. Go right ahead and may your life be as miserable as you have made theirs.

My True Weirdness

I think bruises are sexy. No, not a blacked eye type of bruise. Nope, not a stawberry/bruise caused by sliding into second base. Uh-uh, not the type of bruises elderly folks get because they just barely bumped a counter edge. The kind of bruise I admire is one right above the knee, on your hip, not very dark just barely blue under the skin. Possibly caused by somone holding onto you ever so tightly.

I am weird but am wonderful in my weirdness!

Wooo-Hoooo!

Eight more hours & this 'effin week is ovah! Happy thoughts & good drinks to you all!

A British Invasion Plus Two

Heart was the opening act for Def Leppard at the Wharf Amphitheater (make your jokes if you must). Ann Wilson hasn't lost it...she still has a major set of pipes on her.

Que Def Leppard. Joe Elliot even did wardrobe changes. Anyone who can wear leather in Orange Beach, Alabama during June is a rock n roll god to me. They finished their set & encored with Rock Of Ages.












"Thank you. We'll be back. Don't forget about us, we won't forget about you". ~~ Joe Elliot, Def Leppard