Ingredients

As I ate a pimento and cheese sandwich I wondered what is in pimento and cheese. The ingredients are listed on the container but I chose to make my own guesses - cheddar cheese, pimento and mayonnaise. I never checked my list vs. actual contents. As I pondered the ingredients in everything we ingest I thought about what is in all of us. And this is what I came up with - After God decides whom to bless with a child he begins with a single bean. The bean represents the core of our person. Pinto beans for a Hispanic child, lima beans for the country folk, chick peas for "free spirits", jumping beans for athletes and fava beans for the not so nice. When the perfect bean is chosen the extras are added. Maybe a little cayenne for a temper, some lavender for nurse or teacher tendencies, mesquite flavor for a cowboy, granola for a little craziness, soy sauce for the future lover of Chinese buffets, poppy seeds for a potential drug addict, thyme for a person who is chronically late, squid ink for a tattoo artist, eye of newt for a touch of goth and so on. I believe God's spice rack far exceeds what the everyday chef has access too. Recipe is not quite complete so the bean and extras begin to bake. Oven time is usually 9 months give or take a few days at 98.7 degrees fahrenheit or 37 degrees celsius. Dish is removed and placed under a heating light for extra measure. We might be a little bland at first but no salt, pepper or frosting is added, those come later in life. I guess the question is now - "What are you made of?"

Sixx'er Forever

I am officially a freak and have went off the reservation. Its no secret of my infatuation with a certain bassist from a very notorious over-the-top rock band. So in recent days I have made a special purchase. The purchase was the Heroine Diaries -by Nikki Sixx. Hardly summer reading, I was thankful the clerk at the bookstore didn't look at me like a disease when I inquired of the book. The book is a collection of journal entries he kept while he was all smacked out on drugs for a year and a half, hence the title the Heroine Diaries. This book is 400 pages and I have never in my life blown through a book so quickly. The book is dark and raunchy and it doesn't make me swoon any less for Mr. Sixx. I am so involved at this very moment that I have dreamed of Nikki Sixx for the past four nights. The dreams are not hot or sexy - they are just dreams. And, if it isn't bad enough that he is "taken" at the moment, his current girlfriend appeared in our dream last night and I was helping her shop for handbags. Two of my greatest loves tarnished at one time. Into my descent of psycho-star stalker status, I have been looking at his website (every day, twice a day) searching for new pictures posted by him of him. I have also been watching the Carnival of Sins concert, SOLA and Life is Beautiful videos over and over. For an extra helping of fan frenzy I bought The Dirt, the story of Motley Crue. I can only surmise this is not a healthy hobby. Fun and good nutrition for my stalker status, maybe. Until Nikki comes knocking, I'll just keep dreaming, listening & reading. Knowledge is power, right?

For The Love Of The Chain

A friend challenged me to give a restaurant review and here I go:

I was enroute to Academy Sporting Goods via Midtown Mobile, when I spotted the sign for Romano's Macaroni Grill. If ever I could choose a cultural background to call my own or name my weak spot it would definitely be Italian.

I pull into the parking lot, adjust my clothing accordingly and walk in. I am greeted by an overly enthusiastic hostess. With only one in my party I ask to be seated near the bar - spectating is always best there.

My wait person who is also the bartender hands me a menu and the race is off. I eagerly search the menu for the famous dish called Carmela's Chicken Rigatoni. My wait-tender retuns with a perfectly square loaf of fresh bread , is their house apertivo. Golden baked, firm to the touch and crispy on the outside. Accompanying the bread - olive oil with fresh cracked black pepper. I order a Leaning Bellini cocktail and Carmela's dish. A peach colored drink in a very tall daiquiri glass is set before me. It is a concoction of peach nectar liquer, rum, white wine and bubbly champagne - crisp and refreshing (I think I'll have another). Ahhhh, then comes the piece de resistance - Carmela's Chicken Rigatoni. My wait-tender offers freshly grated parmesean cheese for my entree. I accept. I've never met a cheese I didn't like. The round noodles are just al dente and covered with grilled chicken, carmelized onions (that are just a bit of heaven), sauteed mushrooms and a creamy marsala wine sauce. Chicken is tender and has flavors of garlic and oregano. The onions sweet and softened, the mushrooms meaty and the wine sauce is heavy. Savoring every morsel I tell myself to stop eating so the dish will last a bit longer. Just over $11 for the entree, it is worth every penny. Now finished and embarassed from the licking the bowl clean...under the Mobile sun I think - wherever and whoever you are Carmela, I love you

Eco-Money

Recently I have seen ads in magazines and on TV encouraging me to send money to fight for global warming. Now, I am not opposed to give money for issues that can be helped by money. But global warming? How can my gift of $25 help repair the ozone or rising sea levels? Its like asking for donations to ward off hurricanes or bear attacks. Picture this, a man is walking in the woods when a bear appears on an open trail roaring and ready to attack then a voices comes through his ear piece -"Black Bear 3, this is Spawning Salmon, disengage, a $25 donation just came in from Alabama...abort, abort." I mean what is the money used for? The salaries for the company's employees appearing in the commercials or the large building (do you think the building has energy efficient lighting) which houses the business? Paper information(which uses energy and trees to create)? TV ads (which uses energy to make and for the TV's to be on while seeing the ad)? I think people (volunteers) in places such as Wal-Mart, airports and car lots would be more appropriate. Example - place a volunteer in the light bulb aisle. As one consumer reaches for regular light bulbs, the volunteer can give a brief speech on energy use of regular light bulbs vs. CFL and then threaten to break their knee caps if the more eco-friendly purchase is not made. Same said for plastic water bottles - consumer reaches for the pack of water. Hand comes out from shelf, smacks the consumers hand, makes gesture of "uh, uh, uhhh" and then gives them a stainless steel re-usable water bottle. At the car lot - as the SUV is being test driven, a volunteer can pop up from the back seat and inform the possible consumer that purchase of this vehicle will shorten the existence of our world by 3 years.

In truth we could all make more climate friendly choices with little effort. Here's a daily mantra for you "I love Mother Earth and she loves me".

Tuesday, Schmuesday

My mind is a blank and its only Tuesday. Three more days and a wake-up right? I tell myself I can do anything for 3 days but there are 5 more days the next week and the next and so on. I thought this morning - what is a fabulous job? Certainly mine is not fabulous. Okay, its fabulous on pay days. Trophy wife, now there is a fabulous job. All you have to do is look pretty. Speaking or cooking is probably not even a required skill. A rock star is probably a pretty fabulous gig, too. Oooohhh....rock star girlfriend - but that probably falls under trophy wife somehow. How about a Nascar driver? You drive two hours per week - and whether you win or not you still get your share of the pot. Example, you finish 41st in a race. You get $90,000. The race is 400 miles - that equals $225.00 per mile. An over the road truck driver will drive 500 miles in one day and gets $.43 per mile. Do the math folks - $215.00 per 8 hours. Seems hardly worth the effort compared to driving around in circles for thousands of dollars. It is a fact, the less you do in the working world the more you make. But on a lighter note - this is the land of plenty and the land of opportunity. We should not be bound by anything and do and be exactly what we want. Whether its a Wall Street banker, a heart surgeon, a newspaper hawker or arm candy. This is America - I can and will be bought!

Dreams Crushed

My dream of being a rocker's girlfriend is on the very cusp of being over. By rocker I mean Nikki Sixx. Its no secret who his current catch is or should I say who has caught him - Kat Von D. While she is completely covered in tatoos and has long black hair and so is and so does Nikki, the two do not match. I picture Nikki, well with me of course, but since he is not then with some hot, crazy, porno star barbie type. I support true love (even when it doesn't include he and I) and apparently he seems to be in love...so until he gets his wit about him, I will be waiting.

A Good Samaritan

On my way to work this morning I saw an older lady and man chasing a small black ball of fur down Airport Blvd. As I proceeded on my normal route to work I began to feel guilty so I popped a "U'ey" right in the middle of Airport Blvd and went back to save the day. By the time I caught up with the pup and was able to stop my car "Flo Jo" had made her way into a car lot. I got out of my car and began to chase - in a dress - after said pooch. Though the alledged run-away looked like an older dog, she had the moves of a star running back. Under this car, that truck and finally squeezed through an opening of a locked gate. As I watched "Flo Jo" run away - she turned to me and said "If you ain't first, your last!"

What?

I will need you to clear your minds. Only a clear mind can absorb what I am about to try and say. I had a dream last night that involved a hyena, a hawk & Jackie Aprille, Sr. (character from the Sopranos). The hawk was trying to attack the hyena. I scooped up the hyena so the hawk would not kill it. The hawk was speaking to me, saying put it down before I scratch your back and it did. The hawk came down upon me and dug both claws into the middle of my back. Flash forward, I walk into this room and the doorway is covered by sheer light purple and yellow curtains. On a bed is the Jackie Aprille. I asked him about the show (Sopranos) and he said "how do you think I feel, going out like that so early in the season?" My dream interpretation book says this about wild beasts "Wild animals evoke for Freud people in an excited sensual state. They may also represent our animal instincts and repressed emotions that we may keep caged in the unconscious. Wild beasts may also symbolize our deepest fears, especially about death" and this about hawks "circling in the sky are a frequent dream-symbol of anticipated death. They may be awaiting with glee the outcome - perhaps the conclusion of some enterprise from which they expect to benefit." I could find no interpretation of Jackie Sr. in my dreambook or on the web and finally about yellow "pale yellow smacks of sickness, decay, declining powers & old age". This dream was all over the place - I can't even begin to decipher it on my own. Anyone want to give it a shot?

TGIF....

and all that implies.

Here are a few quotes regarding one of my most favorite words, Friday:

If you must have motivation, then think of your paycheck on Friday.

Okay...so I only have one quote involving Friday. It was simple and it made a statement. I heard on the news last night that a possibilty in helping with the fuel cost crisis some companies were pondering the idea of a four day work week. My immediate thought was tell me where to sign up! I work 5 days a week now. Usually work through lunch so I'd only have to endure the addition of one more hour per day to make a full forty hour week. I can do this! It could possibly be the easiest transition ever in the history of mankind. I wonder if Thursday & Friday would swap order in the week? TGIT! Doesn't have the same "umph" as TGIF but I think it could work.

Soon to be official - my new favorite word will be Thursday!

Magical & Majestic

What do you define as magical or majestic? Maybe you think its Harry Houdini or Natural Instincts Spiced Tea wash-out hair color. When I think of something magical I think of snow. Pure, white, falling, soft & cold. I lived in West Texas for 2.5 years. During that stretch of time I saw it snow three times. Real snow. Not the sporatic and light blanketing we have here in South Alabama but inches of it! My first snow, I sat at the front door, the back door and then finally I just sat on the back porch and watched it fall. Everything was covered in a magnificent white quilt. It looked like someone had poured boxes of baking soda everywhere. I dressed the dogs and myself in our "star" suits and mittens and we built snowmen and then drank hot chocolate the rest of the day. It was so amazing. The last snow I saw was in late October of 2003. I was high in the Davis Mountains and if you've never seen snow on a mountain then I encourage you to do so. The air was so brisk it would take your breath.

For Majestic - I think of wild mustangs. Horses are already majestic and regal but to see them run wild and free? Flowing manes, hooves sounding like thunder, magnificent naying, galloping as fast they can in a vast open plain with nothing to hinder them. Just going and going. Can you imagine?

How lucky are we to live in a world that allows us these two simple things
that we can experience for free?

Chasing the Dream

Was it Charles Manson who said "Crazy is getting up every morning and doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome"? So with that little tidbit of information stored in a place you may never let anyone else go - its Monday, again. The weekend was amazing. Three whole days away from the office to do whatever I wanted. I obviously didin't want much because I didn't do much. It's the little things you know? Like a three day weekend to make you realize how much time you spend doing things for everyone else but you. At what age do you realize it is YOUR life and you should do more things you want to do just for you? True I would still have to get up every morning, lets say if I had my own company, but I would be rising to the sound of the alarm clock for me and only me. Walk with me for a moment - you get up for yourself, prepare yourself, work for yourself and then you pay yourself. How amazing is that? I could take a dog to work, wear flip flops and have a 3 martini lunch if I wanted. I don't know how much the last one would affect my business but the point is its my business and none of your business. Ahhh, the American Dream.

The Lone Coyote

I was driving to work this morning preparing my mind and body for the day by listening to Ice Ice Baby (Vanilla Ice) and the Saints of Los Angeles (Motley Crue). I was just east of the Malbis exit on I-10 when I spotted a coyote jogging down the median. I wanted to pull over on the side of the intersate and just watch him. It must have been part of his morning workout routine or maybe he was just coming in from a long night because he looked exhausted. Not too long ago I saw a coyote in the same spot sunbathing around lunch time. It broke my heart to know that coyote was evicted from his forest home and now has to live by the highway. I believe the coyote is to this part of the country as the hyena is to Africa. A scavenger, a thief. However, I do have a soft spot in my heart for all animals including the would be John Gotti's and the Ozzie & Harriet's of the carnivore world. Maybe if I were the Road Runner I might not feel the same for the coyote. I wonder what Mother Nature thinks of all the greedy, over builders that drives her animals from their natural habitats and forces them to live among the very people who caused them to flee their homeland? Come to think of it, I think that coyote had an Acme box under his arm.

The Bridal Shower

We've all been to one. Some of us have had one. I am talking about bridal showers. I attended one yesterday. A good ole fashioned Sunday afternoon, shrimp salad, non-alcoholic pink sherbert punch bridal shower. I only attended because my mother asked me to go. We arrive in our sassy dresses & sassy shoes. Best smile and best foot forward. Greeted at the door by someone we didn't know. Stood beside more people we didn't know. Then we see the bride to be, we hug. While I hug her - I wanted to whisper to her - you are too young, live a little you before you give up you to become a we and there is a over 50% chance you'll get a divorce. But of course I held my tongue and just smiled. We ate the bridal shower fare and then were ushered to a larger room where the bride to be would open her gifts. Before any gift opening begins, each of us has to introduce ourselves to everyone else. Finally, she opens the gifts. The very first gift she opens is from me. The second from my mother Hallujeiah! I thought to myself, we can leave now! We came, we saw, we smiled and we gave. Of course that didn't happen. I had to sit through the oooohing and ahhhhing of towels, a garter, picture frames and of course the grand finale - place settings of china. Every gift I had to see her open just reminded me of what I didn't have. Not materially but emotionally. The bride was so happy and everyone around was happy for her. Everyone but me. At one point I thought I was going to cry but I bit my lip and thought about the vodka waiting for me at home. Will I ever be happy celebrating milestones such as these for other people?

Today

If today were the last day of your life, would you do what you are going to do today?

My Number, Your Number

Do we even have a number?

Do you ever wonder how we skirted a tragic event? We made it through Katrina and Ivan unscathed. What about the recent tornados and floods? Again, we were lucky but some were not so lucky. Do we ever give thanks for it not having been us that were washed away or sucked into the sky? Doubtful. Maybe there is a greater need for us here on earth? Will we ever know what our need is or if we are fulfilling it now? It is very doubtful that my time here on Earth will be spent as a great ruler or leader. But, I would like to think my time here will be large in the grand scheme of things. Large along the lines of a back street Broadway play, not as in Times Square but maybe a borough, like Flatbush. Maybe I will be a wonderful mother to my equally wonderful children. Maybe I will lead the masses into a huge housecleaning revolution, after all cleanliness is next to Godliness. Or, maybe I'll become a Wal-Mart greeter and actually greet everyone with a smile and a happy face sticker. I wish us all well with finding our place in the world and I hope we are all great at what we do.

**Sigh**

Early this morning I was flipping through the TV channels and found a music video I'd never seen. The song is All The Same and the band is Sick Puppies. The video shows a man, who resembles a cross between Shooter Jennings & Jesus, holding a sign that reads "Free Hugs". Crowds are walking by giving him the "WTF is up with that" look. A small, older lady reads his sign, walks toward him, he then bends down and they hug. So begins the domino effect of hugging strangers & he ends up with over 7,000 strange hugs. The video fueled my head for the day.

There is an email that floats through our in-boxes at least twice a year and in the body of the email is a couple of inspirational quotes "be kind to everyone because you never know what type of struggle they are facing" & "smile, its the best accessory you have". I am not always kind and I do not always smile. Usually when neither of those are happening its because my meal is being interrupted by a small child with lungs of an Olympic swimmer or someone is talking very loudly on a cell phone. Me, being the ever so wickedly insightful person, assumes the child is a spoiled brat and the phone call is some type of "hook-up". Chances are I am 70% wrong 100% of the time. The child might be sick, tired or both and the cell phone talker may be receiving some tragic news. Shouldn't everyone I make eye contact with be deserving of a smile or a kind word? How about a wink of the eye or the peace sign? If each of us took the extra second to go the extra mile, we might just be able to save the world. You never know what a compliment or a grin might do for someone. It may lift their spirits or it might be just the encouragement they were looking for to rob the bank. I believe it is a chance worth taking...so go hug someone!

Monday. Again.

Two glorious days of doing nothing behind me catapults me into a new week. How pathetic are you when you just long for Thursday afternoon because you know Friday is just beyond the horizon? I often refer to Thursday as Friday Eve. It gives it the zing that it often lacks. Sunday morning comes and I cringe because I know in less than 24 hours the work will begin. How can one loathe the work week so much at the ripe and zesty age of 33? Again, who said lets work five days and take two off? Its not that my calling card for the weekend is full of parties or entertaining. As a matter of fact, this weekend was very low-key. The weather was nasty and it was Father's Day. Not to say that Father's Day is not something to look forward too but if you include church, Sunday lunch and the travel time its a whole day. I shopped with my grandmother and mother all day Saturday. Might I add, I am not a shopper. When I am heading to a store I know exactly what I am looking for. I know its crazy - a chick who doesn't care for shopping. I would imagine if men read this, I would have a line of them wrapped around my neighborhood waiting to ask for my hand in marriage. We began the shopping excursion at 9:17 am and finished around 4:17 pm. Do the math folks - thats 7 hours. I did manage to squeeze in a nap late Sunday afternoon. I love napping. It was my second career choice over beer. Beer obviously won. If napping had won I wouldn't be whining about working 5 days a week. There's no whining in napping! With that said, Is It Friday Yet?

You Speak Good English

Its Saturday evening. My beloved (Junior) and I have decided to go out for dinner. First we pondered the Blue Gill. As we neared the restaurant we changed our minds and decided to ride further East and head to Stix for a little hibachi and sushi action. We are sat at a table for 10 and so far we are the only two. A few minutes later another couple joined us. I find it uncomfortable that your food is cooked along with other peoples right in front of you. I've barely made eye contact with these people and their chicken is touching my chicken? The nerve. At another hibachi table next to us sits a larger group of people. One in the group is an older man probably early 50's. Island shirt, loafers, shorts, teeth, he looks normal. Junior is sitting at the corner end of our table and 50's man is sitting at the corner end of his table. So basically they are side by side. Junior and I are eating our dinner, minding our own business when 50's man says "Hey Big Daddy, where you from?". The reply, "Texas". 50's man then says "You speak good English". At this point the chicken I was chewing got lodged in my throat. For those of you who do not know, Junior is 100% Mexican. The proper term would be Mexican American as he was born in West Texas, U.S.A. He does speak Spanish but only when provoked with road rage or speaking to his father, who was born in Mexico but has been in the U.S.A. for 35 years or better. Junior has no accent of distinction and certainly not a Hispanic one. He has as much of a Hispanic accent as Les Nessman from WKRP in Cincinatti does. 50's man then says "You speak real good English, you should come work for me". Junior laughed. 50's man said something like "all the Mexicans that work for me know one word, de niro". Junior laughed again. 50's man said it one more time "You sure do speak good English". Junior repsonded again "its because I am from TEXAS". At this point I am stunned. Because you look a certain way people assume you would sound or speak a certain way? Unless it were the obvious such as a cat barking or a dog meowing shouldn't that comment be kept to yourself? Now, if a man with no teeth, an Old Milwaukee in hand with a tattoo of Yosemite Sam waving a #3 flag at monster truck rally said in a very proper English accent "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" we would know that all laws of nature had been broken. In the future I will not be so quick to judge a book by its cover.

Things I Do When I Am Home Alone

1. Watch cartoons.
2. Walk around with my eyes closed and pretend I am blind.
3. Cry.
4. Drink evening cocktails in fancy schmancy glasses.
6. Do my Mae West imitation.
7. Tease my hair & put on lots of make up and pretend I am a groupie at
a Motley Crue concert.
8. Practice my written vows for my marriage to Nikki Sixx.
9. Make my Top Ten lists of favorite movies, people, songs, handbags.
10. Practice my beauty pagent walk (turn, pretty feet & smile)
11. Do cheers from my days as a Chief mascot. (Chiefs! Say it again! Chiefs! Let's go! Blue! Say it again! Blue! Gold! Say it again! Gold! Let's go!)
12. Pray & forgive.

Where Does the Time Go?

As I am getting older, I realize things go faster. Birthdays come more quickly, ice cream melts faster, Monday morning is here before Friday evening can even get started and a tank of gas is gone in 3 days. Shouldn't things go slower as we get older because in truth - we all get slower as we get older? I think about next year's Christmas gifts while I am opening the current year's. Remember as a kid - it took forever for Christmas morning to arrive. Counting down the calendar was impossible because you couldn't count that high. I thought I would never make it to senior graduation. When I realized the year I would graduate (1992) somewhere around the 6th grade (1986) I thought I would die. How could I survive school another 6 years? I have now been out of high school for 16 years. How is that possible? What have I done with my life for the past 16 years? When I bought my first "off the lot" brand new car it took 3 days to get everything in order to drive it off the lot. Those 3 days lasted forever. Why I couldn't wait, I didn't know then. Now, I can drive it off the lot the same day and I realize I'll just be making a larger payment sooner and signing a portion of my income away for another 5-7 years. In one toss of the coin my dogs went from sweet, darling babies to mouthy teenagers who know it all. I've been at my current job in total for 10 years - in the industry for 12 years. I just bet those numbers make you think I am older than I am. I guess I got a good head start. But in truth I am at an age where another chapter of my life will begin sooner than later (of course). Maybe this year will bring news of a baby or a career change. That will probably spin my life into some quantum leap. The only thing slow about my life is trying to lose the next 10 lbs.