The Bridal Shower

We've all been to one. Some of us have had one. I am talking about bridal showers. I attended one yesterday. A good ole fashioned Sunday afternoon, shrimp salad, non-alcoholic pink sherbert punch bridal shower. I only attended because my mother asked me to go. We arrive in our sassy dresses & sassy shoes. Best smile and best foot forward. Greeted at the door by someone we didn't know. Stood beside more people we didn't know. Then we see the bride to be, we hug. While I hug her - I wanted to whisper to her - you are too young, live a little you before you give up you to become a we and there is a over 50% chance you'll get a divorce. But of course I held my tongue and just smiled. We ate the bridal shower fare and then were ushered to a larger room where the bride to be would open her gifts. Before any gift opening begins, each of us has to introduce ourselves to everyone else. Finally, she opens the gifts. The very first gift she opens is from me. The second from my mother Hallujeiah! I thought to myself, we can leave now! We came, we saw, we smiled and we gave. Of course that didn't happen. I had to sit through the oooohing and ahhhhing of towels, a garter, picture frames and of course the grand finale - place settings of china. Every gift I had to see her open just reminded me of what I didn't have. Not materially but emotionally. The bride was so happy and everyone around was happy for her. Everyone but me. At one point I thought I was going to cry but I bit my lip and thought about the vodka waiting for me at home. Will I ever be happy celebrating milestones such as these for other people?

Today

If today were the last day of your life, would you do what you are going to do today?

My Number, Your Number

Do we even have a number?

Do you ever wonder how we skirted a tragic event? We made it through Katrina and Ivan unscathed. What about the recent tornados and floods? Again, we were lucky but some were not so lucky. Do we ever give thanks for it not having been us that were washed away or sucked into the sky? Doubtful. Maybe there is a greater need for us here on earth? Will we ever know what our need is or if we are fulfilling it now? It is very doubtful that my time here on Earth will be spent as a great ruler or leader. But, I would like to think my time here will be large in the grand scheme of things. Large along the lines of a back street Broadway play, not as in Times Square but maybe a borough, like Flatbush. Maybe I will be a wonderful mother to my equally wonderful children. Maybe I will lead the masses into a huge housecleaning revolution, after all cleanliness is next to Godliness. Or, maybe I'll become a Wal-Mart greeter and actually greet everyone with a smile and a happy face sticker. I wish us all well with finding our place in the world and I hope we are all great at what we do.

**Sigh**

Early this morning I was flipping through the TV channels and found a music video I'd never seen. The song is All The Same and the band is Sick Puppies. The video shows a man, who resembles a cross between Shooter Jennings & Jesus, holding a sign that reads "Free Hugs". Crowds are walking by giving him the "WTF is up with that" look. A small, older lady reads his sign, walks toward him, he then bends down and they hug. So begins the domino effect of hugging strangers & he ends up with over 7,000 strange hugs. The video fueled my head for the day.

There is an email that floats through our in-boxes at least twice a year and in the body of the email is a couple of inspirational quotes "be kind to everyone because you never know what type of struggle they are facing" & "smile, its the best accessory you have". I am not always kind and I do not always smile. Usually when neither of those are happening its because my meal is being interrupted by a small child with lungs of an Olympic swimmer or someone is talking very loudly on a cell phone. Me, being the ever so wickedly insightful person, assumes the child is a spoiled brat and the phone call is some type of "hook-up". Chances are I am 70% wrong 100% of the time. The child might be sick, tired or both and the cell phone talker may be receiving some tragic news. Shouldn't everyone I make eye contact with be deserving of a smile or a kind word? How about a wink of the eye or the peace sign? If each of us took the extra second to go the extra mile, we might just be able to save the world. You never know what a compliment or a grin might do for someone. It may lift their spirits or it might be just the encouragement they were looking for to rob the bank. I believe it is a chance worth taking...so go hug someone!

Monday. Again.

Two glorious days of doing nothing behind me catapults me into a new week. How pathetic are you when you just long for Thursday afternoon because you know Friday is just beyond the horizon? I often refer to Thursday as Friday Eve. It gives it the zing that it often lacks. Sunday morning comes and I cringe because I know in less than 24 hours the work will begin. How can one loathe the work week so much at the ripe and zesty age of 33? Again, who said lets work five days and take two off? Its not that my calling card for the weekend is full of parties or entertaining. As a matter of fact, this weekend was very low-key. The weather was nasty and it was Father's Day. Not to say that Father's Day is not something to look forward too but if you include church, Sunday lunch and the travel time its a whole day. I shopped with my grandmother and mother all day Saturday. Might I add, I am not a shopper. When I am heading to a store I know exactly what I am looking for. I know its crazy - a chick who doesn't care for shopping. I would imagine if men read this, I would have a line of them wrapped around my neighborhood waiting to ask for my hand in marriage. We began the shopping excursion at 9:17 am and finished around 4:17 pm. Do the math folks - thats 7 hours. I did manage to squeeze in a nap late Sunday afternoon. I love napping. It was my second career choice over beer. Beer obviously won. If napping had won I wouldn't be whining about working 5 days a week. There's no whining in napping! With that said, Is It Friday Yet?

You Speak Good English

Its Saturday evening. My beloved (Junior) and I have decided to go out for dinner. First we pondered the Blue Gill. As we neared the restaurant we changed our minds and decided to ride further East and head to Stix for a little hibachi and sushi action. We are sat at a table for 10 and so far we are the only two. A few minutes later another couple joined us. I find it uncomfortable that your food is cooked along with other peoples right in front of you. I've barely made eye contact with these people and their chicken is touching my chicken? The nerve. At another hibachi table next to us sits a larger group of people. One in the group is an older man probably early 50's. Island shirt, loafers, shorts, teeth, he looks normal. Junior is sitting at the corner end of our table and 50's man is sitting at the corner end of his table. So basically they are side by side. Junior and I are eating our dinner, minding our own business when 50's man says "Hey Big Daddy, where you from?". The reply, "Texas". 50's man then says "You speak good English". At this point the chicken I was chewing got lodged in my throat. For those of you who do not know, Junior is 100% Mexican. The proper term would be Mexican American as he was born in West Texas, U.S.A. He does speak Spanish but only when provoked with road rage or speaking to his father, who was born in Mexico but has been in the U.S.A. for 35 years or better. Junior has no accent of distinction and certainly not a Hispanic one. He has as much of a Hispanic accent as Les Nessman from WKRP in Cincinatti does. 50's man then says "You speak real good English, you should come work for me". Junior laughed. 50's man said something like "all the Mexicans that work for me know one word, de niro". Junior laughed again. 50's man said it one more time "You sure do speak good English". Junior repsonded again "its because I am from TEXAS". At this point I am stunned. Because you look a certain way people assume you would sound or speak a certain way? Unless it were the obvious such as a cat barking or a dog meowing shouldn't that comment be kept to yourself? Now, if a man with no teeth, an Old Milwaukee in hand with a tattoo of Yosemite Sam waving a #3 flag at monster truck rally said in a very proper English accent "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?" we would know that all laws of nature had been broken. In the future I will not be so quick to judge a book by its cover.

Things I Do When I Am Home Alone

1. Watch cartoons.
2. Walk around with my eyes closed and pretend I am blind.
3. Cry.
4. Drink evening cocktails in fancy schmancy glasses.
6. Do my Mae West imitation.
7. Tease my hair & put on lots of make up and pretend I am a groupie at
a Motley Crue concert.
8. Practice my written vows for my marriage to Nikki Sixx.
9. Make my Top Ten lists of favorite movies, people, songs, handbags.
10. Practice my beauty pagent walk (turn, pretty feet & smile)
11. Do cheers from my days as a Chief mascot. (Chiefs! Say it again! Chiefs! Let's go! Blue! Say it again! Blue! Gold! Say it again! Gold! Let's go!)
12. Pray & forgive.

Where Does the Time Go?

As I am getting older, I realize things go faster. Birthdays come more quickly, ice cream melts faster, Monday morning is here before Friday evening can even get started and a tank of gas is gone in 3 days. Shouldn't things go slower as we get older because in truth - we all get slower as we get older? I think about next year's Christmas gifts while I am opening the current year's. Remember as a kid - it took forever for Christmas morning to arrive. Counting down the calendar was impossible because you couldn't count that high. I thought I would never make it to senior graduation. When I realized the year I would graduate (1992) somewhere around the 6th grade (1986) I thought I would die. How could I survive school another 6 years? I have now been out of high school for 16 years. How is that possible? What have I done with my life for the past 16 years? When I bought my first "off the lot" brand new car it took 3 days to get everything in order to drive it off the lot. Those 3 days lasted forever. Why I couldn't wait, I didn't know then. Now, I can drive it off the lot the same day and I realize I'll just be making a larger payment sooner and signing a portion of my income away for another 5-7 years. In one toss of the coin my dogs went from sweet, darling babies to mouthy teenagers who know it all. I've been at my current job in total for 10 years - in the industry for 12 years. I just bet those numbers make you think I am older than I am. I guess I got a good head start. But in truth I am at an age where another chapter of my life will begin sooner than later (of course). Maybe this year will bring news of a baby or a career change. That will probably spin my life into some quantum leap. The only thing slow about my life is trying to lose the next 10 lbs.

Ever Wonder Why...?

Why we are here? How we got here? By we, I mean the entire population. Nine planets in the solar system, right? Only one is inhabited by human life forms? Is it arrogant to think we are the only ones floating around in the universe. Its just so crazy to sit back and really think about how it all began. Dinosaurs and the ice age. The beginning of time as mentioned in Genesis. All the people who have died before us. If we are lucky, all the people who will die after us. Do we each have our own purpose? Or are some of us, most of us, put here just to take up space? Its a huge puzzle and I don't have the brain capacity to solve. In my early twenties I threw caution to the wind. I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, spent what I wanted, went where I wanted, dated who I wanted all when I wanted too. Now with the new adventure called the 30's riding in my backseat I am little more cautious. I think about my 20's and realize I made some very poor choices. I have no regrets but I do realize I was very careless. My fix for everything in life before was put on lipstick and smooth out my hair. Now its drink lots of water, lock your doors, loose a little weight, no red meat, evening cocktails and call your family more often. In the end everything you and I do will matter. How we treated ourselves, our families and people we don't even know. How many times we got a sunburn, what you were really thinking in church, your Madonna phase and if your parents are divorced. Everything affects everything. I have dreaded writing this blog because its all over the place and I knew it would show up - so here it is.

Things I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up

1. A doctor who drove a lamborghini
2. A lawyer who carried an alligator briefcase
3. A truck driver
4. Loretta Lynn
5. A stewardess - now known as a flight attendant
6. Sally Field in Smokey and the Bandit
7. Annie when she moved in with Daddy Warbucks
8. A teacher so I could let my students do nothing all day - today that makes no sense to me at all
9. A secretary that dealt with tons of paperwork - is exactly what I do and am today
10. A beauty pagent winner
11. Nikki Sixx's girlfriend
12. A "roadie"

End of the World?

I have discovered the date for the end of our world - it is December 21, 2012. The date has to do with the end of the Mayan long calendar. Alot of astronomy (stars) and astrology (numbers)is associated with the new end of time date. There are thousands and thousands of web links telling us to get ready, telling of prophecies that are coming true as I write this. Past end of time dates have never phased me but I think I might be sold on this one. Should this really be our date of destruction what should I do with my next 4 1/2 years? I will be 4 days shy of my 38th birthday on 12/21/2012 which means that right now my biological clock is ticking. Should I bring a child into this world when death will meet it in 4 years? Should I quit my job and join the peace corp? Climb Mt. Everest? Should I throw myself at the feet of Nikki Sixx and tell him of our impending doom and tell him the fate of the world lies between us? Should I complete my lists of things to do before I die now and save nothing for later? There is so much to do and so little time! Some of the links to the end of the world give lists of supplies: gas masks, water purification tablets, crank radios and so on. There is no mention of clean underwear, Spam and chapstick. There is mention of 112 popes to serve before doomsday - #111 is serving now. Coinicedence? Revelations tells of the world ending in feverent fire. Could global warming be the first of this prophecy? The weather patterns are crazy all over the world. Could this be a sign of the planets aligning? There are so many obscure things to read about and so many that are just dead on. The information is out there its just a matter of believing it. Its scary and overwhelming. Its true I could be hit by a bus today or have a safe fall on me tomorrow but at least I WOULDN'T be expecting it.

Our New Home

There have been many that were driven by, shown and called about. Then one day I kept hearing this noise, muffled but sounded like a grown man, like the tin man from the Wizard of Oz saying "Buy me, buy meeee". I finally figured out what it was - it was the house across the street. Right across the street! The house went on the market on a Friday. We called the realtor on a Saturday. Scheduled a showing for Sunday. Made an offer Monday & it was accepted. Hallejuiah! At that moment, that very single moment our lives changed forever. Its no secret we have been living together for 4 years as renters and never really thought buying a home together would happen. After everything was set into motion the house would wink at me when I drove by. It also offered good mornings, good nites and what's for dinner. It was comforting knowing that something wanted us as bad as we wanted it. The outside color is a very handsome khaki with white trim & black shutters. There are 3 sycamore trees in the front yard. The kitchen is red, bathroom, hallway, living room & entry way are yellow. Bedrooms are taupe and the dining room is khaki. There is an indoor laundry room and a wood deck on the back. The backyard is fenced and surrounded by trees. There is also a time-out kennel for the pups (it has not been used). Gracie (basset hound) was a little sad about moving because her boyfriend (a Boxer mix named Rico) lived behind us in the rental home. I reminded her that men are like buses - one comes along every 20 minutes. Gracie said I didn't undertand that it wasn't puppy love and I told her she would see in time. The other 3 dogs had no issues with moving. They were looking forward to some new scenery. With mountains of paperwork and the back breaking move behind us - we can now say "Welcome to our happy home!"

Breaker Breaker 1-9

Yesterday I was driving in my car and I heard a song on the radio "Convoy". The song is a little dated and so is the movie but both remind me so much of my dad. Dad is a big truck driver. Most people call them semi's or 18-wheelers but I call them big trucks. Always have, always will. So the song is playing and I am singing along "we gotta great big convoy rocking thru the night, yeah we gotta little ol' convoy ain't she a beautiful site - CONVOY". If I'd had a CB in my car I would have gotten on it - "Breaker Breaker 1-9 this hear is the Little Kidd - anyone got your ears on? Come on back". I say Little Kidd because my dad's handle is The Kidd and my mom was actually Lady Kidd. Pretty cool, huh? My dad has drove truck all his life. Its the only job he has ever had - learned it, lives it, loves it. He has driven to and around all lower 48 states. My mom and I went to California with him when I was small in a red and black Kentworth (KW) with a picture of Farrah Fawcett airbrushed on the back. Dad has lots of trucking buddies and some were around the house every now and then - "Chicken Plucker", "Baby Doll", "Windy", "The Lone Ranger", "Strawberry Roan", "Keystone", "Go Yonder". The truck drivers of today are not the ones I remember growing up around. Shorts, t-shirts, flip-flops, pony-tails and earrings are seen today. Not so when I was around my dad and his generation. It was boots, Wrangler jeans, button downs, trucker hats, the occasional cowboy hat and women truck drivers were almost non-existent. They all waived at each other, let everyone know if there were police (smokies, bears or the county mounty) ahead or behind them, flashed their headlights when it was okay to pass into the other lane. I still do the arm pump to get a big rig to blow its horn. What can I say? Somethings you never outgrow.

12 More Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

1. Own a Hermes Birkin bag
2. Be a parent & grandparent
3. Swing from a trapeze
4. Win a hot dog eating contest
5. Partake in the Polar Bear swim thing
6. Yell "Fire" in a very crowded room
7. Horseback ride on a gorgeous beach
8. Start an urban legend via chain email
9. Answer the phone at work in Pig Latin - "Ood-gay orning-May Udweiser-bay Usch-bay. Ow-Hay an-ca I-ay elp-hay ou-ya?"
10. Visit New York
11. Not look like a tourist when I visit New York
12. Be a better friend, neighbor, daughter, lover - person

Easy Come, Easy Go

Its Monday, again. I've never agreed with the 5/2 work week. My weekends seem to go so fast and the week never ends. Remember when you were a teenager and you couldn't wait to graduate high school, leave home, begin college and move into the real world? Then we enetered the real world and wished ever so greatly that we could return to our teenage lives. Lazy summers, lazy afternoons. My parents were rarely home in the afternoon so I spent alot of time by myself. Something I still enjoy now. Bills, a mortgage, insurance and complicated relationships is what my adult life has brought me. It wouldn't be fair to say that its all bad, because it isn't. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother. My relationship with my dad is a work in progress. My parents divorced when I was 22 or so. It was difficult to endure. My mother loved my dad very much and I think he loved her in his own way. But it had to end. They were no good together. Since, both have remarried. I love my mother's husband. I don't care for my dad's wife. She is a demon - the kind with large teeth & a pitchfork tail. I guess karma really is a bitch. Everything my dad has ever done to my mother is now being done to him. Can you ever right the people you wronged? I've been with my current boyfriend for 4.5 years and we live together. We have four-4 legged children and one finned child. The road in our relationship has been bumpy - oh who am I kidding? There was not even a road at some stops along the way but recently new pavement was lain and everything really is smooth now. Its how I always thought we'd be. Confucious says "As you think, so shall you be." I believe it.

The Human Footprint

I am not talking about the footprint taken from you as soon as you are born or the Hang Ten logo, I am talking about what it takes for us to survive our entire life on this planet. Imagine the pounds of trash we create, the amounts of energy and water that each person uses from the day they are born. I try to be as conscience as I can when using water, not littering or wasting food. But with all the Earth Day publicity lately and all the negative talk of using single use plastic water bottles I don't think I am doing very well. Go Green items are everywhere you look. I did purchase the new light bulbs that supposedly use a 1/4 of the wattage the average bulb does. I do turn off the water when I brush my teeth. I turn it on to wet my brush, turn it off, brush and then turn it back on to rinse. I save at least two gallons that way, right? I guess I should implement this exercise when showering - I bet I could save 15 gallons! Get in shower, turn water on & let water rush over me for 2 seconds & turn off, apply 2-1 shampoo & conditioner (saves time, water & only one bottle to dispose of), add soap to loofah, scrub entire body and don't rinse, will need soap to shave legs (legs and arms are getting stiff because soap is begining to dry), shave legs & armpits (soap is no longer soapy is a film and the shave does not go smoothly I might as well use a wire brush), by this time my eyes feel like someone is sticking a hot needle in them because the 2-1 shampoo & conditioner has ran into my eyes and finally rinse for 6 seconds. Seems simple enough, right? I buy stuff that says all "natural" - like juice, bleach, underwear & dog treats. The word "natural" triggers in me to be a more concerned consumer, a better inhabitant of this planet. Can one person really make a difference? If so, lets all shut off the water while brushing our teeth - we could save 5 billion gallons of water a day. I say use more alcohol for your day to day routine - brush your teeth with it, it doesn't come in plastic bottles - and afterall alcohol does evaporate.

12 Things I Would Like To Do Before I Die

1. Dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean
2. Pose fully clothed for Playboy
3. Admit my undying love for rock god - Nikki Sixx - via press conference shown around the world
4. Write a book
5. Accept the marriage proposal from Nikki Sixx after he sees the press conference
6. Learn to "snake" like Janet Jackson
7. Get a nose job
8. Parachute or parasail
9. Learn a foreign language
10. Climb a mountain
11. Be blonde for a day
12. Ballroom dance to "Another One Bites the Dust"

Vinnie Balboawitz

He walks with a slight strut. Wears a slightly thick gold rope chain. His belt is cinched too tight making his pants "high waters" and buttons his shirt to the very top of his Adam's apple. His glasses are held together by tape. His hair is black and combed directly back. He speaks with a low and grainy New York accent that reminds me of how asphalt would sound if it could talk. He never makes direct contact and speaks with his head cocked to the side. Hasn't seen a new movie since 1984. Has a wide open smile that says I am going to eat you with my spaghetti one day. Now, he may sound a bit weird but he really does have a heart of gold and probably in truth wouldn't hurt a fly and somehow along the way he has found a friend in me. He reminds me of Vinnie Barbarino and Rocky Balboa sans the girl getting charm with a just a bit of David Berkowitz lurking below his very Italian surface. He has dubbed me the Queen and tells me daily that all I need is a crown and purple robe. He also tells me I remind of him of a magnolia (add his accent) "You little magnolia with eyes that light up the world". My birthday just happens to be Christmas day and with that thought fresh on his mind he told me (insert his accent ) "You Christmas angel, I can just see you in a garland of lights with Christmas trees all around you". Of course I remind him that while magnolias are pleasant to look at they are quite a messy tree and that Christmas only lasts one day. All the while correcting him that I am no angel or any type of tree and that green isn't exactly my color - I can only imagine what he is really thinking about me which would probably be something like "You just wait you little magnolia, I have a crown of diamonds for your head and a nice box to accomodate them both....". Is that wrong?

Owning the "New Milli"

I've been a victim. A survivor. Now, the time has come to own it and by IT I mean the "New Milli". So far it has brought me heartache, a marriage, a divorce, an empty wallet, 4 new dogs, an old job, new friends, reunions with old friends and a new sense of what I can really endure. By enduring I mean living through the divorce and the seperation of my mother and I across 3 states. Whoever said whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger should be dug up and given five across their face. Sometimes I don't want to be strong. Sometimes I need to be weak, its keep me grounded. Example, if there is a piece of strawberry slathered cheesecake beckoning my name I do not need to exude strength to not it eat. Why I need to eat to it to gain strength. See how that works? You have to be weak to be strong again. The "New Milli" has brought me a new me and found some of the old me. I am sad to say this century has not brought any unique dance moves or any crazy coiffures. There are still two years left in this first decade - maybe something will come along. Today in this year I feel free, happy and in love and I think that puts me well on my way to owning the "New Milli".

Survivor of the 90's

As some of you know or have recently read I am a fan of the 80's. Here is a shocker, I am also fond of the 90's. The 90's didn't nearly impact my love for bad music, bad hair & movies like the 80's did but it does hold a spot dear to my heart. One day I am wearing hot pink and purple and the next day I am sporting plaid. Extremely large hair kept in place by one can of Suave hair spray per day then a sassy little red number fashioned after Bridget Fonda's "do" in Single White Female. Talk about your apples and oranges. The 90's hold many good memories for me. I got my first real kiss in 1990 (yes, I was older than the avg. first real kiss age - but I also didn't get boobs until the 90's either). I got my first boyfriend, graduated high school and college, moved away from home, experienced my first alcohol buzz, got my first Liz Claiborne purse with matching wallet which rocketed into my unknown love at that moment for handbags. There were also some sad moments as well - my parents divorced, 3 of my 11 grandparents died, I found out Uncle Sam wasn't a fun loving family member and "big hair" bands slowly faded away. Those two decades and an entire century behind us pushes us well into the "new milli". I can't wait to see what type of hair I end up with in the 00's.